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why do people cheat
Why do people cheat?. Apart from the obvious reasons that come with bein in a bad relationship. Why do people cheat on their partners even when the relationship is good and they know theyr making a huge mistake?, yet they still go ahead n cheat with someone that is nowhere near as good a person as their partner?. It is puzzling to me.
What yous think?
What yous think?
alexsmitherd161: When the Relationship is "good", or if the People in the Relationship are "good" then, no One cheats.
RainLover71: Temptation abounds. One still musn't cheat.
cheshchesh819: It DOES take a "low life scum" to cheat.
Gennyyoung: People DO think they will get away with it. No One ever goes into a cheating situation wanting to or expecting to be found out. He ALWAYS thinks He will "get away" with it.
margypops: I TOTALLY agree with this one, "the capture", "the chase" My ex husband was a serial cheater. His conquests were often even unattractive but they were "conquests". For him it was putting notches on his belt!!
brice1967: I won't comment.
mami1323: I won't comment.
GroovyDeeDee: I understand WAY beyond what others THINK You SHOULD be feeling by now.
DeadMemory: GroovyDeeDee IS an amazing woman.
brice1967: Your Wife IS the most amazing Woman You've ever encountered.
Asiansky: "Emotional" affairs hurt a Relationship too.
khawkins: A cheater is a Very, Very, selfish person, as in "I want what I want, and I will have what I want, as I disregard Whoever might get hurt along the way." Of course, He does think He won't be found out.
I do not agree that an affair is a "mistake". A "mistake" is when One does something They do not ALREADY know is wrong to start with!! and LATER They find out that, in fact, it WAS "wrong" (a mistake). One already KNOWS an affair is wrong - as evidenced by the lying and the cheating to pull it off in the first place!! You don't INTENTIONALLY lie and cheat and then follow that with "oh, I made a mistake". If it was a "mistake" one would tell His Wife up front what He was about to do and if THEN if
it turned out to be a "mistake" She would say - "not to worry, Honey, try it again and try to get it right this time" and everything would be okay - if it was JUST a "mistake".
Been there, done that, I know of what I speak. I also know there is Denial in ALL things and that We do WHATEVER We HAVE to do to get through..... and for some, that is okay - but it is also okay for Those who do not/will not/cannot tolerate the cheating.
There is no one here who can say Which of Us is Stronger, Which of Us is Weaker - Those who stay or Those who go - We can ONLY say "Who will and Who will not"!! BOTH positions take MUCH strength!! and BOTH should be admired for what They "choose" to do.
just saying.....
RainLover71: Temptation abounds. One still musn't cheat.
cheshchesh819: It DOES take a "low life scum" to cheat.
Gennyyoung: People DO think they will get away with it. No One ever goes into a cheating situation wanting to or expecting to be found out. He ALWAYS thinks He will "get away" with it.
margypops: I TOTALLY agree with this one, "the capture", "the chase" My ex husband was a serial cheater. His conquests were often even unattractive but they were "conquests". For him it was putting notches on his belt!!
brice1967: I won't comment.
mami1323: I won't comment.
GroovyDeeDee: I understand WAY beyond what others THINK You SHOULD be feeling by now.
DeadMemory: GroovyDeeDee IS an amazing woman.
brice1967: Your Wife IS the most amazing Woman You've ever encountered.
Asiansky: "Emotional" affairs hurt a Relationship too.
khawkins: A cheater is a Very, Very, selfish person, as in "I want what I want, and I will have what I want, as I disregard Whoever might get hurt along the way." Of course, He does think He won't be found out.
I do not agree that an affair is a "mistake". A "mistake" is when One does something They do not ALREADY know is wrong to start with!! and LATER They find out that, in fact, it WAS "wrong" (a mistake). One already KNOWS an affair is wrong - as evidenced by the lying and the cheating to pull it off in the first place!! You don't INTENTIONALLY lie and cheat and then follow that with "oh, I made a mistake". If it was a "mistake" one would tell His Wife up front what He was about to do and if THEN if
it turned out to be a "mistake" She would say - "not to worry, Honey, try it again and try to get it right this time" and everything would be okay - if it was JUST a "mistake".
Been there, done that, I know of what I speak. I also know there is Denial in ALL things and that We do WHATEVER We HAVE to do to get through..... and for some, that is okay - but it is also okay for Those who do not/will not/cannot tolerate the cheating.
There is no one here who can say Which of Us is Stronger, Which of Us is Weaker - Those who stay or Those who go - We can ONLY say "Who will and Who will not"!! BOTH positions take MUCH strength!! and BOTH should be admired for what They "choose" to do.
just saying.....
I was in a situation, I was not the cheater, but was cheated on. I found that my husband cheated with the first girl that gave him attention. I am putting this to low self esteem and being a narcisist. He would be fine when he was at home, because he had everything given to him from me and his family, but the second he left out of town, that is when it all began.
Its realixing the mistake that starts the way to mending then saying Oh Just a lttl diversion/ im capable of hooking any girl nt to exclude married/engaged.
Amazing! but atleast even with all ur depression u saw it thru that wat u were doing was wrong and wud obviously impact ur marraige
My DH thinks he does nothing wrong in keeping up communic with a 10 yr long ONline friend apparently no physical bt quite Some emotional reliance (more then what i can take)...nt to mention Others which come n go!
My DH thinks he does nothing wrong in keeping up communic with a 10 yr long ONline friend apparently no physical bt quite Some emotional reliance (more then what i can take)...nt to mention Others which come n go!
I must say that it sounds like this experience humbled you as a man and as a husband. You and your wife are living proof that love prevails. Again, thank you for sharing your story.. I am sure it has helped many people going through this, on both sides of the fence!
God bless you and your family,
Respectfully,
Krystal
God bless you and your family,
Respectfully,
Krystal
My wife is an amazing woman! The most amazing woman I've ever encountered and I am glad that you can see her worth as well.
I have put that woman through hell, but we are well on the mend. Some days awesome, some days a little rough. I destroyed almost everything we had. If I'd ruined it all, reconciliation wouldn't have been possible.
We've both worked hard, and both continue to work hard. We know we are worth it.
I have put that woman through hell, but we are well on the mend. Some days awesome, some days a little rough. I destroyed almost everything we had. If I'd ruined it all, reconciliation wouldn't have been possible.
We've both worked hard, and both continue to work hard. We know we are worth it.
I know this is an older post, I just wanted to thank Brice and his wife for sharing such an intimate part of their life with us. I know that wasn't an easy thing to do. I have boatloads of respect for your wife, Brice. She sounds like an amazing woman.
I hope/pray everything continues to go well for your family!
Krystal
I hope/pray everything continues to go well for your family!
Krystal
I am Brice's wife, and from what I understand, our relationship was fine, he just needed some outside validation, and talking to this ex was the only thing that made him feel good about himself. He assures me I was doing everything right. I frequently reminded him that I loved him, that we had a good marriage, better than anyone we knew, that if we could get our debt under control, we'd pretty much have it all. He would either agree with me, and pretend to be happy, or he would continue to mope. I would reply,
"well, regardless of what's going on with you right now, just know I love you." I really believed that was all I could do, reassure him, and keep loving him. He would often say, "I ain't buyin it." when I said I love you. But I had to move on and take care of the kids, and the house, and I worked a lot, and he perceived all of that as turning my back on him. So when the affair came around, and the signs were all there, and the girlfriend was keeping me updated on what they talked about, so he couldn't deny they talked every day, he continued to deny it. For two months, I believed he would never cheat - he hated cheaters, and loved me, so I just believed I was going crazy. I couldn't eat or sleep, and my physical health began to suffer. I was at the end of back to back episodes of pneumonia when he finally told me the whole story . . . He still says he doesn't know why. It had to do with his depression. But it is in the past, we have both had therapy and he no longer feels depressed, he has long cycles of feeling happy.
I on the other hand, have more bouts of depression than I ever did.
Sorry to go off on a rant like this, but like Mami said, maybe if people really knew what an affair was going to do to someone they love, they will get control of themselves.
I am really working hard to make this thing work, but Brice is tired of fighting, so I must give up all need to know what happened and why. It all *****. I feel disrespected, and have a hard time trusting anyone, including him and my kids.
If anyone out there is thinking of spicing up their life with an affair, I would just encourage them to take a long hard look at what they are risking, and how it will hurt their spouse, their children, and their friendships.
I can't think of very many examples of an affair leading to anything good.
"well, regardless of what's going on with you right now, just know I love you." I really believed that was all I could do, reassure him, and keep loving him. He would often say, "I ain't buyin it." when I said I love you. But I had to move on and take care of the kids, and the house, and I worked a lot, and he perceived all of that as turning my back on him. So when the affair came around, and the signs were all there, and the girlfriend was keeping me updated on what they talked about, so he couldn't deny they talked every day, he continued to deny it. For two months, I believed he would never cheat - he hated cheaters, and loved me, so I just believed I was going crazy. I couldn't eat or sleep, and my physical health began to suffer. I was at the end of back to back episodes of pneumonia when he finally told me the whole story . . . He still says he doesn't know why. It had to do with his depression. But it is in the past, we have both had therapy and he no longer feels depressed, he has long cycles of feeling happy.
I on the other hand, have more bouts of depression than I ever did.
Sorry to go off on a rant like this, but like Mami said, maybe if people really knew what an affair was going to do to someone they love, they will get control of themselves.
I am really working hard to make this thing work, but Brice is tired of fighting, so I must give up all need to know what happened and why. It all *****. I feel disrespected, and have a hard time trusting anyone, including him and my kids.
If anyone out there is thinking of spicing up their life with an affair, I would just encourage them to take a long hard look at what they are risking, and how it will hurt their spouse, their children, and their friendships.
I can't think of very many examples of an affair leading to anything good.
I honestly think that people cheat for different reasons. I don't think you can pinpoint it and say "oh this is the reason". Some people are serial cheaters, they get a rush every time they do it and it's like an addictive high. Some people are unhappy in their relationship and instead of getting out of it first they look for someone to fall back onto. Some people get caught up in a moment and have a one time fling and realize it was a mistake. For some it's an escape from reality. Like there is a change of life event going on (i.e. marriage, pregnancy, baby), the other person is an escape to all that. There is no difinitive answer to that question. It definitely is hurtful and changes a person. The effects of cheating are disastrous and I think more people should be aware of the aftermath of it all so that perhaps they can think before they act.
Why did I cheat? Hmmm, good question and not easily answered but I'll give it a whirl. For 2/3 of my marriage, I thought my wife was just here for the sake of things. I felt I was a low life piece of worm food, I felt I was a bad husband (before I cheated because I couldn't provide the life for my wife that I THOUGHT I COULD,) I thought I was a bad father, horible provider, horrible support system,etc. and the list is longer... by miles.
I had a depression disorder since childhood and never did anything about it. I just became this passive aggressive slug and would go into day or week long depressions where I wanted so much to do things with my family (besides the obligations, like kids to sports) but basically felt like people had been bullied into likeing me. I sometimes felt like my wife was here because she was "stuck" and was going to settle for less. All of the above fed more dislike for myself. (Clinical explanation for all of this is, I couldn't love myself and saw myself as a let down, so I assumed my family felt the same way.)
I got in contact with an ex highschool girlfriend, and it started off as a friendhship/catching up kind of thing. But insidiously, she krept in... began telling me personal matters that you shouldnt talk about, and I began to feel sorry. I began to divulge too much as well and before you knew it, it was an emotional affair.
She being an outsider was doing everything to shine a light on all of my self perceived short comings, and I took the bait.
I knew what I was doing was wrong. And I struggled with it in my head. I began to be addicted to the feelings, but at the same time began to disconnect. I would say things to her to put her off and she wasn't buying it. She'd crank up the heat and more or less had her finger on the button. After what I had done, I felt that she had control. I knew that she was vindictive, and kind of kept her on the string while I tried to figure out how to tell my wife what I'd done. At the same time, I knew it would crush my wife and I didn't want to do that either.
It came to a point that my wife had it all but figured out... all of the tell tale signs were present and it just came out one night. I initailly confessed to an emotional affair and it crushed my wife.... later, can't remember how long, but I remember it being that night, confessed to the physical part of the affair.
It took all of that, risking everything that was important to me to go get the help from therapists, that I needed decades before. As usual, another horrible decision.
We are down the line now, and thankfully my wife has chosen the rough road and wanted to try to rebuild our marriage. We are doing well,,, working our ***** off.... we are in a better place now, but this will always be there. If I had only one regret, it would be doing this to my wife. She didn't have this coming, did not deserve any of what came down the pike at her... but was willing and grascious enough to give it another go.
Nothing resembling this will ever happen. I fully know my worth and am working o0n making me the best me there is.
I had a depression disorder since childhood and never did anything about it. I just became this passive aggressive slug and would go into day or week long depressions where I wanted so much to do things with my family (besides the obligations, like kids to sports) but basically felt like people had been bullied into likeing me. I sometimes felt like my wife was here because she was "stuck" and was going to settle for less. All of the above fed more dislike for myself. (Clinical explanation for all of this is, I couldn't love myself and saw myself as a let down, so I assumed my family felt the same way.)
I got in contact with an ex highschool girlfriend, and it started off as a friendhship/catching up kind of thing. But insidiously, she krept in... began telling me personal matters that you shouldnt talk about, and I began to feel sorry. I began to divulge too much as well and before you knew it, it was an emotional affair.
She being an outsider was doing everything to shine a light on all of my self perceived short comings, and I took the bait.
I knew what I was doing was wrong. And I struggled with it in my head. I began to be addicted to the feelings, but at the same time began to disconnect. I would say things to her to put her off and she wasn't buying it. She'd crank up the heat and more or less had her finger on the button. After what I had done, I felt that she had control. I knew that she was vindictive, and kind of kept her on the string while I tried to figure out how to tell my wife what I'd done. At the same time, I knew it would crush my wife and I didn't want to do that either.
It came to a point that my wife had it all but figured out... all of the tell tale signs were present and it just came out one night. I initailly confessed to an emotional affair and it crushed my wife.... later, can't remember how long, but I remember it being that night, confessed to the physical part of the affair.
It took all of that, risking everything that was important to me to go get the help from therapists, that I needed decades before. As usual, another horrible decision.
We are down the line now, and thankfully my wife has chosen the rough road and wanted to try to rebuild our marriage. We are doing well,,, working our ***** off.... we are in a better place now, but this will always be there. If I had only one regret, it would be doing this to my wife. She didn't have this coming, did not deserve any of what came down the pike at her... but was willing and grascious enough to give it another go.
Nothing resembling this will ever happen. I fully know my worth and am working o0n making me the best me there is.
Because they are addicted to that wonderful new feeling you have with someone ..The excitement of the chase, the thrill of the capture .now dont get me wrong I don't think its right It happened to my DD it was awful and the other woman was her best friend .but I can see why they do it, instead of bringing back the romance in the relationship they already have ....
I think people cheat because they can get away with it. I hate that people cheat. I've been cheated on by everyone I've dated and ultimately I cheated on my last boyfriend for the first time in my life. I hated it and i was upset with myself for it but I know for me it was a bad point in my life and I should have just left but I made a mistake. As for everyone else...I have no idea why they cheat.
the reason people cheat,welll this is a good one,is there a reason other than the person is a low life scum who cant say no,and because of their little bit of fun with the other not only wrecks and upsets their partner,but puts their children through the pain too,all for what, a new piece of flesh that will never last.
Temptation,lust,desire,the internet,chat sites and the list goes on,but it's a sure way to ruin a marriage or relationship and it's not worth it.For most the grass is never greener on the other side anyway.It's sad and many people have suffered as a result of cheating and at the end of the day what has been achieved--NOTHING.
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