For the last 6 days I have thought of little else except outside of the potential consequences rising out of something for which I deeply regret. Some personal info, I am a 33 year old male who is in a long term relationship with 2 young daughters, I am uncircumcised and overweight. Last Wed whilst traveling in china on business following a large night of drinking some Chinese spirit I undertook a in hotel massage (my first and last time) by what I can only term a Chinese CSW. The girl offered to perform oral sex which I undertook she provided what was labeled a "rubber condom" and fitted it to me. she undertook the oral sex for a few mins and as I was uncomfortable with this she stopped and proceeded to sit on top for vaginal sex with the same condom still in place after a short period she asked me to hop on top which I did but this lasted only a brief moment as I was now very uncomfortable and I withdrew, condom still fitted. She then proceeded to attempt to masturbate me and after some short period she removed the condom and finish me with her hand with no protection using some hotel body lotion for lubrication. during the process I did attempt to play with her vagina but she repeatedly push my hand away. Following the completion of this she wiped me with some tissue and left, following which I had a long bath to wash myself.
Guilt aside have some serious concerns regarding potential std's and HIV. On the following day I began to feel some pain in my abdomen and had to regularly go to the toilet to urinate. I discussed this with a local chemist with my limited Chinese and he gave me some strong amoxicillin to address what he said was a UTI.
I have been reading far to much online and have posted here to the dr's who have replied that they can see no real risk of HIV, but what about other STD. Since taking the amoxicillin the pain has reduced significantly in my abdomen and each day I require to go to urinate less and less. I have been sweating at night during sleep and recently have had a slightly blocked nose and cough. Today with some dry mouth, diareah, slight upset stomach and some pressure feeling in my groin area where it joins with the leg left side only (lymphs possibly). Everything at the moment seems to reflect something to do with STDs or HIV and I am going out of my mind.
What is my risk, do I go home this week put this whole issue aside and get onto my normal life which will involve unprotected sex with my partner, do I get tested and somehow try to avoid sex for 12 weeks, are my symptoms purely stress or could be normal factors, food temperature and heavy travel related.
The most important thing to note in your post is that this was an entirely protected affair. That does not prevent the guilt and anxiety but it does very much limit your STD risk. I intend to test at 5 weeks for my own piece of mind. I would have done so at 4 weeks by the Amoxicilin put me back a week as i finished this at 4 weeks post exposure. I hope that helps you out. One key message I read and it provided me with comforts is that STD's are not judemental, they dont infect based on wheather you faithful or not, they infect based on their presence and opportunity. Having used protection you effectively remove the opportunity except for skin to skin transmitted std's.
Since your married, the skin to skin mentioned above would be herpes, syphilis and HPV. For your wifes protection you should test for these. Syphilis at 6 week, herpes at 3 months. There is no test for hpv so keep an eye out for any warts that develop. If you were not married would not be an issue as is low risk but this would be for your wifes protection.
like myself its a case of estimating your actual risk, without obvious symptoms testing isnt usually advised.
HPV there is no test in men.
Syphilis is very rare 10,000 cases in the US per year and 1/3 of those is seen in hetrosexual transmissions. Testing fo this is 6 weeks but here in the UK i started to see clinics offering 4 weeks tests.
You are correct but we live with risk everyday. The risk of winning big in the lottery is million to one but i dont worry about how I will spend that when I eventually win. likewise my house could blowup while typing this response or a petrol tanker could crash through the wall. I might also slip over and kill myself in the street. my point here is yes there is a risk but he took precautions as best as possible. Condoms are he best defence except for abstaining and significantly reduce the risk.
Like myself in this regretable position I dont wish to judge but merely reiterate the risks and facts I collected from the doctors responses. Yes there is a risk but its more likely our partners are at greater risk from our driving than an std from a 1 time protected exposure.
For a mate to expose their loved one to any risk without them knowing is uncalled for and is a cover up. Yes we live with risks every day and they should not be caused by the ones we trust. Thats whats cheating is all about. If a person exposes their mate then they should man up and at least tell them is they dont want to get tested.
Professional workers are exposed to topical infections like herpes, syphilis and hpv much more than non professionals. I dont believe the average person has sex with 10 different people in one day but professionals may and may have more.
I must thank both you and Allan for your candid responses. I see both if your point and have taken them on board, statistically speaking as Allan has pointed the risk if me gaining some infection from this regretful situation is minimal but saying that a minimal risk is still a minimal risk. With regard to any suggestion my reasons for these questions is to cover up the situation is far from correct in the point that my raising the question was to get some clarity regarding what steps to undertake next. Regardless of wether you believe me or not this was the first time I have ever strayed from the path, I regret this and do feel the guilt I should, and I know I will not do this again. I do not think at any time in my life have I felt like this, up until today every ache, pain tingle and sensation reminded me of something I had read online regarding a symptom of HIV and or an STD but as the two experts I have contacted have clearly pointed out to me this was a minimal risk activity for an std and there was never any real risk of HIV, the issues I am feeling are likely driven by anxiety and guilt. So what I am going to do is this I return home tomorrow I will be making an appointment with a family planning centre to discuss and undertake testing for Any STD testing they suggest is appropriate. Once I have that completed I will work on putting thus ideal behind me and understanding better why it happened in order to ensure it does not happen again. Does thus mean I will tell my wife I honestly don't know but what I do know is the reason I am going through this stress is because of concern about how this mistake could impact her. I do nit want her to suffer particularly by me dumping my guilt into her this was my fault not hers. But I will ensure she is protected from any medical ramifications that the planning centre believe I may need testing for.
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