Aa
A
A
Close
Avatar universal
I think I got my 17 year old cousin pregnant
I dont know how to say it any other way, but Im a 24 year old guy and over last christmas break I was spending alot of time hanging out around my 17 year old first cousin who had just turned 17, who is a junior in high school and very cute and she had been having problems with her longtime boyfriend at the time; in any event, we ended up making out at first, and eventually having unprotected sex several times over one week and now i just found out she's pregnant.

Neither she nor I ever told anybody about our relationship, and although we've kept in touch since then, I think that the family is assuming it is her boyfriends. The problem is that she had not had sex at all until she did with me, and even though she initially came on to me and I should have tried harder to resist and turn her down, I didnt and now she's pregnant. I dont know if she and her boyfriend became sexually active afterwards or not, but she was raised by very religious parents who were strictly against pre-marital sex, and she is a very active christian herself, so its hard to say.

Look, I know I messed up, but Im willing to do what's right, if I could find someplace that allows 17 year olds to marry their older first cousins, which I think is something that would be important to her, even though Im not exactly a devout christian Im very open minded and willing to do the right thing - if I just knew what that was!. Ive recently been admitted to Dental school this upcoming fall, and I am truly absolutely willing to own up and face the consequences, and either marry my cousin if thats what she wants or let her come live with me and let me help support her and the baby, as I could get a part time job to make extra money while Im in school.

I just dont know what to do about this or how to go about it!   when she and I visited about it briefly on facebook chat she's at a total loss for what to do and is looking to me for guidance and support. Since she is such a devout christian cannot imagine that she would contemplate an abortion, but if she did that would be her decision and I would support her, but Im not going to suggest it to her unless she brings it up first. Although she hasnt said anything about marriage yet, Im pretty sure she wants to be married before having a child, and I suspect she'd say yes if I decided to ask her, although under the circumstances its hard to say. I know its going to be hard on our families anyway around it, but Id rather try to man up to my mistake than either be another absentee father who just sends a child support check or let some other guy take the blame.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
105 Answers
Page 6 of 6
127529 tn?1331844380
Do you know what I just don't buy it. Why is it okay in the  the rest of the world, who's cultures go back for centuries, for marriage to first cousins be okay yet nearly 1/2 of America's states has to be different than everyone else and say it is wrong and incestuous? You can bet the first nations cultures of America married their cousins.
As for genetics, having has my own child go through so much genetic testing over that last few years I know more statistics related to genetics than I care to even think about and to say cousins have a high risk of having a baby with genetic defects is just not true, maybe a minuscule higher than the general population, but then lots of couple have slightly higher risks of genetic dissorders for all sorts of reasons, e.g. age, other family member with genetic disorder...the list goes on, do we tell other couples who have a slightly higher than normal risk they shouldn't have children..no we don't.
I say again, if a relationship between cousins is consenting and each person is of a legal age I don't see the big deal.

Rellyrell, I am sorry that happened to you, rape is a terrible thing and is wrong no matter who did it, it must have been so very hard for you and your family to know a family member did this to you.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
It's always a good idea to try to minimize all of the risks that we can and we have control over who we marry and procreate with. If there is a higher chance for birth defects from consanguineous couples, then they really should avoid having children together. As seen by the academic, peer reviewed article I posted above, there is a higher chance for birth defects from inbreeding. Why take the risk, when you can easily avoid it? It's just easier and safer, to marry someone you are not related to. Not only do they risk birth defects, but they also risk having their child be ridiculed since marrying and having children with your cousin is not the social norm. We are moving as a society away from inbreeding because we've seen how beneficial it is to have genetic diversity. If you look at genetics and evolution, all species want thriving offspring and will look for a mate who has genetics that we ourselves lack in order to have healthier, more productive offspring. It doesn't matter what people of the past did, we don't live in the past. We do learn from the past and we move forward with that knowledge. The other countries, especially ones that have a larger population of inbreeding, have much higher rates of birth defects. I can find that article for you as well, if you would like the link. This is why the US, has moved away from having people marry their cousins and have banned it. We've learned that it is better to be more genetically diverse.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Like sweetpea said a website dedicated to cousins marrying isn't a reliable source. Anybody can post anything on the web and say "Yup that is 100% true" and it doesn't mean it is. A more reliable source is...oh I don't know...doctors. And as far as the birth defects being low...tell that to my cousins...who are first cousins..married and had TWO children with birth defects.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
127529 tn?1331844380
I never said it was 'reliable' or other wise. I just said it was from the net and I thought it made some interesting points. I still don't believe that the US has a lower rate of genetic disorders.  I know for a fact, being the mom of a child with Autism, that the US has the highest rates of Autism and ADHD in the world.
Only in America would a child be ridiculed for being the off spring of two cousins. Where do you suppose the majority of the current White population of America descend from anyway?
We could go back and forth all day debating, some of us knowing cousins who have normal healthy off spring, others who don't, but equally I am sure we can all give examples of healthy non related couples who have off spring with genetic dissorders. Even doctors have only scratched the surface when it comes to genetics so I am afraid I am not going to take much notice of studies posted on the Internet either. We have a rather complicated family tree of our own, needless to say I place more weight on the info our family genetics specialist gives us than on studies found from an Internet search engine.
To the original poster, I do hope you and your cousin work this situation out and that the baby is born healthy and well and that whether you raise the baby as a couple, as separated parents or even decide to put the baby up for adoption it all works out for you guys. It sounds like it is going to be quite hard in a country with such prejudice attitudes towards cousins who become couples and their off spring. Good luck and best wishes.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Well where do you think your family genetics's specialist gets his or her information? From academic, peer reviewed articles, such as the one I posted before. They do the same research to try to find answers and from schooling to become a doctor. I don't know if the US has a lower birth defect rate from genetic disorders, but there are many articles showing that the risk for birth defects from related parents is greater than that of non-related parents. That's a fact that is well-documented. Posting info from a website that is not reliable, gives people false information and false hope. I would hate to see people believe everything you posted from that website that does not have accurate information, since it is very skewed. I would never advocate for a couple who wants to marry their cousin because their risk level is too high. Just because someone gets pregnant, does not mean that couple should automatically marry. They need to wait until the baby is born, get a paternity test and then go from there. If the baby is his, he can co-parent, or they can give the baby up for adoption. Though I would never recommend for them to marry and eventually have more children. It's not a prejudice against those that marry cousins, it's one of protection for children to prevent birth defects.  
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
1418198 tn?1483281096
Yes it is and was very hurtful, I did get pregnant as a result of that rape and today my son is a 13y/o heathly child thus far so I'm very gratful

Thx alot!!!
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
1287017 tn?1391057752
I'm sorry, but I have to say this. If everybody believed what was said on the internet or took people's opinions very seriously, there would be chaos.

Cain in the bible married his sister. There was alot of marrying within the family back then. I don't believe they had any kids with issues. They also lived alot longer than we are now. Mainly due to diet.

I think the main reason why kids are being born with defects is the food we consume. I bet if we all observed the kosher diet given to people by God, we would live longer, not have so many diseases, and cut down on birth defects.

Of course, there are somethings you can't control like if your family has a history of things, but come on, telling people don't take the risk to me is just a complete waste of time. Because like it was stated above, even healthy couples have children with birth defects.But hey, this is just my opinion. I think there are a lot of things that are taboo in our country only for the reasoning that it's different.

Oh and not all doctors are trustworthy. Just saying. The vast majority of them aren't really being taught anything new except what others, found to be true. But who is to say that thier truths is the only truth. The only way people are really goingto learn is to do their own research and not believe statistics. For all yall know, if they took every person in the world with a birth defect, the ones with non related parents could be the majority. We don't know.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
1035252 tn?1427231433
OK so you're sorry to RellyRell because she agreed with you, but I was molested for 3 years nearly daily as a child by MY first cousin and you're not sympathetic because I didn't agree with you?!

Wow.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
127529 tn?1331844380
I don't understand...why would you say I am not sympathetic to your situation, do you think I directed something towards you that made you think that. I'm sorry if you do. No one should be molested by anyone, period. Of course I am sorry that you had that awful experience.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
1478712 tn?1319490849
I am NOT being antisemitic but Jews as a religious people and a culture intermarry because they would like to maintain Judism in their blood line. And trust me as long as both persons are born Jewish they are related in some way, shape or form. If Jewish couples ever do genetic testing to confirm that they are NOT related no Jewish couple would ever get married. With that being said I don't agree that first cousins in our society should date or marry, but it's not a moral dilemma, but a SOCIAL dilemma: "how will society accept us?" would be the question. Adam and Eve had children and here we are today. Their children were brothers and sisters. Get the BIG picture. Phil can decide which direction he wants his life to go in
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
1287017 tn?1391057752
Agreed.

I am really sorry to ones that had to go through the sexual and emotional an physical abuse. No one should ever have to experience that. I am sooo sorry that you had too
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
127529 tn?1331844380
You know what, I never meant to get into a debate here. I was just a little shocked that some thought it was so wrong being from a country where it is acceptable for cousins to marry. So I will say this and then leave it alone.
Med help is an international site, people from all over the world come here, some ask questions, others just read what is or has been written. So this is for anyone who may come upon this thread now or in the future looking for information.
I learn't in the last couple of days that in some states in the US marriage or relationships between first cousins is illegal, for the most part in the rest of the world it isn't and is accepted. Should you have or wish to have a relationship with a cousin check the laws where you are.
As for cousins producing children only your own doctors can provide you with information as to the risks, if any, that there may be to you future children.
To the original poster, what is done is done, I wish you, you cousin and your child with whatever way you go on to live your lives, health and happiness.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I don't get why people keep referring to the bible. We don't know how their children turned out or how many of their children passed away early. It's not scientific anyways, so the point it moot. There is plenty of scientific studies showing the problems with procreation with related parents and how bad it can be. Scientific studies are only found to be true when they can be replicated, and they have been in multiple trials when looking at birth defects and problems related to consanguineous couples. If you don't want to believe it, then that is your own problem, but the medical community has already proven that there are problems associated with this.

This girl was underage when her cousin slept with her. She may or may not have slept with her boyfriend, so who knows who's baby this is. They need to do a paternity test to see who the father really is. She has been manipulating him and using him. They are living some fantasy and need to snap out of it.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
889551 tn?1416188083
The point here is that they are both using each other. She's using him to provide for her, get her cigarettes, sleep with her, etc bc she craves stability. He's using her bc it's quite obvious that he craves the attention that she's giving him. A paternity test is crucial here, but if he is naive enough to take her word for it so be it. Neither of them have their head on straight and are living in some fantasy land. He refuses to listen bc in his mind her obsession over him trumps all. Eventually...when reality catches up to them, they'll see their mistakes. Maybe.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
1287017 tn?1391057752
I know why I keep referring to the Bible, because I believe the Bible whole heartedly. Yall believe in science and proof and statistics whole heartedly or whatever. To me, science really doesn't mean all that much. I mean don't get wrong, I do know that science is important, but its not the only way. And for some neither is the bible. I get that. Doesn't make you wrong or me wrong. Not trying to turn this discussion away from the original post, but I thought I would answer the question from sweetpea03 from my standpoint. And sweetpea, this is not meant as an attack on you love. Please know that. :)

Philmore87: I will pray for you and your cousin and the baby, yours or not. How I look at is, your decision has not negatively affected my life and I have no Heaven or Hell to put in. It's for me to judge or tell you what you should do or think or feel. "Let he who has not sinned, cast the first stone." Your a grown man and its your life. All I can do is pray for everyone involved. Good luck and God Bless
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Everyone here sounds like they have alot of valuable experience for this young man and his young cousin to learn from. I hope they are listening. I am really torn about how this issue makes me feel. When I was 14 I got pregnant by my cousin too, and although he was 19 and it was completely consentual, it was still devastating. My mother insisted insisted that we put the baby up for adoption, and told me that what we had done was an abomination. She also wanted to press charges against my cousin, and he ended up getting arrested by the police and was originally charged with statutory rape, although it was plea bargianed down to indecent acts with a juvenile or somesuch, he still had to serve some jail time. Because that my mother was so vicious in trying to get him thrown in jail, even though I kept saying he didnt rape me, it only made everything so much harder and forced a rift in our family that never healed.

During all of that my mother pretty much forced me into giving the baby up for adoption, and told me every day what an abomination I had created. I hated my mother for that. The baby was born a little premature, but was otherwise healthy and then given up for adoption. Im still so conflicted about the adoption issue - because I know I was not ready for a baby then. It was obvious my mother wasnt going to help me, and I felt like I had no where else to turn.  I had doubts then, but it seemed like the right thing to do. Then I just went to high school the next year and tried not to think about it for a few years, until my older cousin committed suicide when I was a senior. At the time they said it was drug related, but for the longest time I blamed myself for what he did. I tell myself now that I didnt do anything to cause it, but it doesnt make the pain or the memory go away.

Even though my cousin has been gone for years and I used to think he was my first love, I still keep his memory with me. I still smoke the same brand of cigarettes he used to smoke, and I always think of him around easter, when I last saw him. It took years for me to begin to get over all of that, before I decided I was okay with having another child, and raising her the best way I could. Now my 9 year old daughter means the world to me and is my reason for being. But I sometimes wonder if I might have been an okay mother to the beautiful daughter I had to give up for adoption when I was 14. The adoption may have seemed like the right thing to do at the time, and maybe it was given the way things turned out, but still a day does not go by that I dont think about her and her father.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
1491703 tn?1343324044
If this is even real... I think you really need to find out if she intends to keep the baby.  If she does, you definitely want to get a paternity test.  Honestly, the increased risk for birth defects vs a couple that's not related is like 2%.  I wouldn't worry too much about that.  

I think you should worry more about incest laws than statutory rape laws.  I think the age of consent in most states is 16-17.  There's a few states where it's 18.  

You two should put the kid up for adoption and not get married.  I'm sure your family would be horrified if they found out what the two of you have done.  Honestly, you would get most of the blame due to her age.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
1645905 tn?1301481421
Everybody stop criticising him and judging him, it's NOT helping him as well as their situation..... But I understand how people will really react with this! He knows that it's his mistake, huge mistake! and I appreciate this man for taking his responsibilities and stood up for everything he has done wrong! I know that this is NOT really funny! What can we do? DAMAGE HAS BEEN DONE! ....

     This is one of the mistakes with such a lesson for each and every one, including me, that before we do something let's always think twice, more than twice, even if you're a devoted Christian or nOt! Always think of the people that can be affected... Let's always think of the outcome of it, consequences....

     But this doesn't mean that he's not to be blame... Philmore87, you're 24yrs.old and expecting that you're mature enough.... I hope this will never happen again...
This situation is very hard and don't know what to do first.... Philmore87, if this is REAL, there are laws that can be put up to you, your cousin is underage and you're expected to be the responsible of it...

     Seek for the advise of people that can really help you, I'm only 18yrs.old and I have my own capacity until where I could help :) .... Together with your cousin, tell your families about what you've done both, if you're really that sincere!!! Do actions, not only words!
Ask for forgiveness, if they cannot forgive you especially the family of your cousin then accept it and understand it... Accept whatever their decision will be!
You cannot marry each other. You knew that it's really a big mistake but why did you do that?!!! As I was reading your post, I can sense that you accept your mistake and willing to take the responsibility, therefore FACE IT....

     If you're thinking of abortion, and then keep it the both of you forever?! do not do that!
There will always be a CONSCIENCE... There will always be a JUSTICE...
and there will always be a GOD. that can forgive you...
What kind of life you could have if you're having a big mistake that hasn't been fixed?!!!

     Face it and ask for forgiveness and then slowly move on from the mistake a move on for you life :)
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
1640871 tn?1321677346
I think this dude is pulling everyones chain, I really do think so.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
1541952 tn?1317820229
either way i hope this guy and his cousin got their situation sorted out for the best. he got alot of good advice that should help them sort everything out, its really just up to them to do whats right.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
1627026 tn?1347886152
I don't believe... one.. single... word.. of any of this crap here. Guys, he's full of crap. It's so obvious as you read every single post.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I just cam across this posting and it's disgusting! Even if he is lying about the whole thing..it's disturbing just the details he's giving.
For him to say it's actually kinda "cute" to see her playing the role as his "wife" is enough to make me gag! Come on seriously?!
First of all she's your freaking cousin!
Second of all yea it's cute to see a girl cooking and cleaning for you wait till she turns the other way and she's got a baby on her hip! Not so hot after a LONG day at work!
Third has she even been to the doctor to confirm this pregnancy? Did it ever occur to you she might be using you for a way out?
Seriously get help either way. If your lying it's sick that you have to make up such a story and if your not it's still sick. She's your cousin. I dont see how anyone can be supportive in this situation. He's 24 years old (he should have conducted himself as so) no matter how much of a "christian" a person is having sex with a CHILD is wrong. You couldve picked anyone and you pick your cousin.
And you say she is SO passionately in love with you? of course she is your giving her a free ride! Id love you to if you werent my cousin!!
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
377493 tn?1356505749
There is so much talk on this thread about higher rates of birth defects from children born into a situation like this.  I can tell you that when my aunt and uncle married, they met with a genetiscist to understand the risk.  They were going to adopt if it was too high.  They are first cousins and their risk came back no higher then any other two people.  They had two beautiful and healthy kids who are now well adjusted adults.  No problems at all.  

If everyone chose to not have a child because of a slightly elevated risk in birth defects, etc.  there would be a lot of us not having children. How do you then feel about those of us having children in our 40's?  I did and am glad I did, but my risk factor was elevated.  By some's logic I should have chosen not to have him?  Guess what...not your decision to make.  Just like not your decision as to whether or not this couple should have this child.

I am so sorry for anyone who experienced molestation as a child.  What a horrid thing to have happen.  But it does not sound like this was the case here.  And mum2beagain is so right. This is an International Forum.  Not everyone in the world has an issue with this.  As she said, in most countries, no big deal.  So does that mean Americans are correct and the rest of the world wrong? Hmmm.  And the rest of the world is not running amok with children with severe birth defects now are they.  Sorry you find it disgusting.  So outlaw it if you like.  Perhaps we should outlaw situations like mine too....I had a baby at 41.  Risk was higher.  So make it illegal if that is the argument.

The only issue here is that we have a 17 year old girl pregnant from a 24 year old man.  That is the issue and honestly, the judgement really has no place.  
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
377493 tn?1356505749
Just reread some of this post.  I can say I am very much looking forward to hearing the opinions with regards to those of us having babies in our 40's.  Our risk is actually higher for birth defects then these two cousins are.  Yep, really really looking forward to hearing how we shouldn't be allowed then either.  At 42 I am trying to have another...convince me why I shouldn't.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
1643531 tn?1477523569
I honestly don't know if you are being sincere.  But if you are, there are two issues.  One being the obvious; your cousin is pregnant & you may be the father.  The other which concerns me the most is you being 24 & having sex with someone who just turned 17.  She is still a maturing child.  That act alone shows some issues you need to get counseling in.  I am not judging you, but I am a counselor & you need to get some help to see why you had sex with a 17 year old.  And her getting pregnant just made matters worse.  I appreciate your desire to do what is right, but you have to consider the unborn child is also a victim.  Please, you both need to have counseling session, not only together, but separate.  I will be praying for you guys.  
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
1553391 tn?1327000779
I know in some cultures it is acceptable for family to be together.  I think there are more pressing issues.  

1. You should listen to people about birth defects as that is something that you two will continue to deal with if you are staying together and it seems like you are.  
2. Her parents can get angry at any point and decide to press charges against you so you need to look at the statute of limitations on statutory rape being reported in the state that it happened in.  
3. Your cousin is a child I have sisters and brothers older that I treat like children because i helped raise them.  Get her into a school near you so she finishes and stop buying her cigarettes.  (At the very least get an ecig to start her to quit)
4. Realize that if her father is abusive you may have been trapped.  Apparently you are not strong willed and she needed a way out.  She knew well how her parents would react, unlike you who for whatever reason seem rather clueless.

It is your house and if you want to be the "Man" of the house and have her as a wife you should take responsibility for her health AS WELL as the babies she needs to start seeing the doctor.  She will still need to apply for government assistance in order to pay for check ups and birth.  It is not cheap to even deliver a baby.  

You can only move forward so take the steps as well as possible from this point forward.  Get the young lady back to school (she needs to finish), get her off the cigarettes even if that means ecigs, i will give a site for a good one if you message me, i have to get my man off of them too.  She needs to get an OB/GYN soon.  Obviously she didnt just become pregnant and you two are behind.  You both really do need counseling and i am not even on the cousin thing but you two need to grow enough to support each other and definitely this baby.

EVERYONE ELSE:  Birth defects come from many things and some go undetected for years.  People consider downs a big issue and they don't realize that when you put in the work they are some of the smartest individuals in the world.  You may have a birth defect that you are not aware of yet.  How many of you said anything about the fact that she is young and that also causes problems?  How many of you have grandparents that have been married since 15 or started having babies at 12 or 13?  Ignorance (lack of knowlegde on any given subject) is not hereditary but can be passed along from parents and other family members from practice.  God Bless the people without out the family history.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I get the age issue but it's the fact that he is 24 and had sex with a minor. Point blank. Our great grandmother's were MARRIED and were long gone from their parents home when they had babies. And they were 15 or 16.
The birth defects is another issue. Women get pregnant everyday and do everything they can to make sure they have healthy baby and would NEVER intentionally put their child in harms way. This GUY should have been more responsible and realized what he was doing BEFORE he did it. There is a possibility of birth defects with every pregnancy but I can guarantee you if you ask any pregnant woman if she would intentionally do something that would put her unborn child at risk for a defect, she would say NO. This is the same thing. I understand it's normal in other cultures but in the U.S. it's frowned upon.
Its gross. Sorry I dont care how common it is.
And about him "stepping up" I get that to a certain point. It's going to be kinda umcomfortable for that kid to explain his mom and dad are cousins.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
1554665 tn?1294358552
Phil, I hope you and your cousin got everything sorted out for the best. Although I may not be as wise as some of the other people giving advice, there sure seemed to be plenty of opinions and suggestions to choose from. For what its worth, I really do hope that you and and her came to a decision that you were both comfortable with, and that is in both in your bests interests and in the best interest of your unborn child.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
1819062 tn?1317085793
ok that pertinity crap can hurt a child i know that i asked the obgyn that and you know what good for you for tryin to man up most guys would be like your fault good luck you should be pround of yourself for that and dont let anyone tell you that was a stupid mistake bc i garentee you they have mess up worse or close to it. you know if you wait and she has the baby wait to tell your family until a day after her 18th birthday bc they will pin this on you fast and it will be a horrible situation for all three of you so wait and talk to her before and ask if she wants to live with you and tell her mom that you would be happy to help her but dont make a mistake by telling her that child might be yours or you could get the fall so talk to her about it and her mom or dad and see
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
apparently babies conceived between  first cousins carry the same risks as women over 40 having babies... and obviously the law states cousins  can marry too... sounds like its going to be a bumpy ride the most important thing in all of this is going to be the baby once he/she is here baby comes first in everything you do, once the whole perternity issue is sorted i guess life carries on from there...i hope you have really thought things through and have the means to look after mum and baby also
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I just read every single post, which brings me to their next point.
How will these children be damaged by labeled as 'inbred?'
Seriously who is going to go around and say their married cousins? No one you'd just call them your wife or husband, and you wouldn't be telling your children at a young age in the first place yet alone at all.  You'd Obviously have a talk with family members (those that still want to be apart of your lives) bout what to say to your child and not be insensitive.

I'm also surprised that some people are calling him a liar, not sure why, I don't see what he'd be getting out of this except advise for his 'fake' situation sounds very silly to me and also because the series of events are very believable as well. People have relations with their cousins all the time and probably also more than most people think, just because they don't go around telling everyone about it. For example my grandpa is with his cousin, did not have children with her tho, had an affair when they were young teenagers, broke it off as their families were pushing them to do. So they went on their separate ways she moved overseas and they both got married had kids and grew old, my grandma (his wife) died, she got a divorce from her husband and moved back to the UK and have come back together after all these years to grow old and die together. I think that is sweet and real love there..
I also have had a relationship with my mother's cousins son, I think that makes him my second cousin once removed, when we first met I was 19 he 20, nothing happened but we were both very fond of each other and wasn't sure how to go about expressing these feelings, he lives in a different state and I only used to see him once every couple of years until he sent me a message saying how much he felt for me and I replied that I felt the same and so it began.. we are no longer together and I have settled down and had a baby living with boyfriend etc.  But I have done some crazy things when I was younger, I'll admit, yeah I've slept with two of my older first cousins also had previously kissed the brother of the second cousin I had the relationship with. And no i'm not some weird hillbilly creepy type of family either but I just don't go around telling everyone this, people keep that sort of stuff quiet but doesn't mean it doesn't happen in everyday society.. Hell even once a girl I know got drunk and told me that she had 'experimented' with her sister! Now that's gross, just saying people do worse..

And lastly to Philmore87 I think what your doing is great, so many people surprisingly are tell you to dump her off with her parents, to an abusive father and a mother that seems not to have any say in the matter is just ridiculous.. I do think a paternity test is in order when its born but assume it is yours till its proven its not. Then get married if you want to, its just a piece of paper afterall. Stop buying her cartons or give her one pack to last a week or so, I myself totally quit while I was pregnant, the well being of the baby was more important to me than weakness on my behalf. But she'd be having it quite soon if not already..
I'd love to hear an update of what happened, all the best!
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
1844152 tn?1354674590
I'd say that this is a very bizarre and... controversial situation you've gotten yourself into..
I can understand consoling her if she's upset but...I don't think a loyal gf or devout christian would make a move, especially on their cousin.
I find it a little weird that you would do stuff with a family member but...

Now that I've gotten my awkwarded-out opinion out, at least you're a man about it. I don't think you deserve quite as much hate mail as you're getting. Obviously these people can't read. You're not only being bluntly honest, but you clearly want to be involved and do whatever it takes.
You're no "liar" or "dead beat" or not owning up.

However, I think maybe you should make her fess up whether or not she slept with her boyfriend. Find out if she really is pregnant, or if you're both just paranoid. and then try to figure out by her cycles when she even could've gotten pregnant. If you look up "Pregnancy Calender" or "Pregnancy Calculator" usually you can enter her normal cycle length (from the start of her last period to the start of her next) and it'll tell you the date that she most likely conceived..

I don't really know what else to say to this. If you want an honest, anti-hate conversation, you can message me for help.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
4268042 tn?1351971649
People are such idiots.  I can't believe the things that people wrote.  Everyone makes mistakes.  Including the idiots who wrote nasty things.  It is so hard to find decent guys anymore.  Ones that will step up and take responsibility.  It's wonderful that you stepped up and took responsibility for your actions.  I really hope that you, your cousin, and the baby are doing well.  It would be great if you could update us and tell us how everything is going.  Thank you for being one of the rare good guys in this world!
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
4268042 tn?1351971649
Guys who would step up and face everything you have are hard to find.  I really hope you update everyone.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
4209753 tn?1351119664
Soo... i just seen this today and read most of it.. I am guessing he is no loner on this site? I was going to ask how everythig turned out
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
So, I understand that this was 2 years ago....but I came across it while searching for answers to a similar issue I'm having. So, I'd like to say that if you need anyone to talk to if you are having difficult moments. I'm so here. My cousins went through this like 4 yrs ago. So, ya I'm here if you need to talk. But I hope you have figured all this out. And I hope y'all two are doing okay.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Ok y'all were really judgmental against this Guy. He understands he did something had he didn't need all the **** from strangers too. He wasn't asking for people to judge him. He was asking for help on how to fix a mistake. That didn't mean be judgemental ******* to him. Damn, ******* these days!
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
LOOOOOOOOOOOL
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
8614980 tn?1398972080

Alabama

Alaska

California

Colorado

Connecticut

District of Columbia

Florida

Georgia

Hawaii

Maryland

Massachusetts

New Jersey

New Mexico

New York

North Carolina*

Rhode Island

South Carolina

Tennessee

Vermont

Virginia
these states allow cousin marriage
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
8614980 tn?1398972080


Nevada

New Hampshire

North Dakota

Ohio

Oklahoma

Oregon

Pennsylvania

South Dakota

Texas

Washington

West Virginia

Wyoming

Arizona

Illinois

Indiana

Maine

Utah

Wisconsin
  these states allow it under certain circumstances
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Lol, y'all are a bunch of ******* idiots if you really think this is real. Philmore87, good job, you've won the internet.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Agree ^^^
I never commented, only read it. From the beginning it sounded like a novel.  I don't believe any of it either.  But if you read everything,  he can use a lot of other people's opinions, and experiences, and of course what he wrote, and he can write a pretty damn good novel.  
Congrats man.  You are an awesome writer... i kept reading everything just to get to the next part to see what else your response would be, and get more of the story.  
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
9625922 tn?1411766318
Thank god someone said it! I was reading this and thinking theres no way this **** is real! Lol but apparently some people just need some drama in their lives and believe everything!
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Just to update those who care, my cousin and I had our first baby girl in August 2011, and we got married in December 2011, the day after her 18th birthday!

We are still together and happily married, and the proud parents of four beautiful healthy little girls! My wife always said she wanted a big family of her own, and we have been blessed by the Lord!

While relations with my wife's parents, particularly my uncle/her father, have remained strained; we have tried to do the Christian thing and turn the other cheek when called names, and always welcome family and friends with open arms with the love of Christ!

Shortly before my cousin and I got married she became a born again Christian, turning herself over to the Lord. I continued to struggle with my sin, as well as my bout with alcoholism and depression until I too accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord. Once I accepted Him into my life, he freed me from my addictions, and helped me aspire to be a Godly man.

Of course, we all can continue to try harder to become better people before the Lord, and it's a struggle every day for most. My wife still struggles with her addiction to cigarettes, as she still smokes between two to three packs a day, and cannot seem to quit. We have accepted this burden from the Lord, and that He will decide when she is ready to quit smoking in His time, not ours. There will always be struggles and adversity in life, and we do well to remember that we can all always aspire to do better and become better!

I am now clean and sober for 15 whole days, and the Lord has saw fit that I am still employed and still married to my beautiful cousin, so that we may continue to grow our family and prosper as He wills it.

To all those who offered words of encouragement, I thank you. You are all truly Blessed and merciful.

To all those who offered scorn, I thank you as well, and pray that the Love of Christ fills your hearts when you are ready to receive Him.

What is founded in Love cannot be wrong in the eyes of the Lord. Peace be with you all!
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Congratulations I read this when I was pregnant and all the **** you got was unreal I'm actually so happy that you sorted it and got through it all best of luck x
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Thanks for the update, Phil, and I'm so glad you didn't listen to all the bad advice you were given.  When society interjects their values, situations like this often end in sadness and suicide, as happened in at least one post above.  Let this situation be a lesson for all reading it.  Had you been charged with statutory rape, or treated her like a liar and insisted on a paternity test while she was in crisis as many suggested, or insisted on abortion or adoption, or broken her little heart and destroyed her dreams by refusing to marry her because you are cousins as many more suggested, if any of that advice had been followed due to societal pressure nothing but pain would have resulted. Please remember this when one of your daughters gets pregnant as a teenager.  Think first of the person's feelings, and only secondly of what society as a whole thinks, cause they're often wrong.  
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Hahaha, this has to be a **** take right? The original post was pretty funny but the update is just comedy gold!
Well played Phil..!
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
I know as tough as this might sound, my advice to you is to really think hard about having more children. You two must think about risking the health of another child born from blood-related parents. Even if you've had a normal first born, the risk doesn't go away it will always be there. My parents are second cousins and I will admit from a psychological stand point that I'm not  100% normal. I've done things a normal brain wouldn't do (No, I didn't kill anyone). I've also had weird sexual attraction with relatives which truly hate. I feel lucky though that I'm capable of discerning right from wrong and considering my mental challenges I'm managing just fine. You should consider yourself very lucky to have parents that aren't blood-related. Use your normal brain to make the right decisions and use a lot more self-control. Good luck, Gerry
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
in most states 17 is the legal age for a female to consent to sex.....
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_North_America
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
he age of consent is the age at or above which a person is considered to have the legal capacity to consent to sexual activity. Both partners must be of legal age to give consent, although exceptions to the age of consent law exist in some jurisdictions when the minor and his or her partner are within a certain number of years in age or when a minor is married to his/her partner. Persons below the age of consent may not, by law, give consent, and sexual relations involving such persons may be punished by criminal sanctions similar to those for rape or sexual assault. Non-violent sexual contact with persons under the age of consent may be punished with varying degrees of severity, ranging from a misdemeanor with a simple fine, to a felony with a punishment equivalent to rape.
Different ages may apply if one partner is in a position of power or authority over the other, such as a teacher, manager, coach, parent or stepparent. For example, in Indiana the age of consent is 16 but it is illegal for a person over 18 to have sex with anyone under 18 if they work at their school, are their parent or a stepparent, or are a person recruiting them to join the military.
Historically, the age of consent applied to male-female relationships; same-sex relationships were often illegal regardless of the ages of participants. Modern laws vary, and there may be multiple ages that apply in any jurisdiction. For instance, different ages may apply if the relationship is between partners of the same sex, or if the sexual contact is not strictly vaginal intercourse.
Discussion is closed
Cancel
Comment
This discussion was closed by the MedHelp Community Moderation team. If you have any questions please contact us
A
A
Doctor Ratings & Reviews
Comprehensive info on 720K doctors.
Complete reviews, ratings & more.
Teen Pregnancy Concerns Community Resources
Top Pregnancy Answerers
Avatar universal
Blank
st. louis, MO
Avatar universal
Blank
973741 tn?1342346373
Blank
13167 tn?1327197724
Blank
Austin, TX
4769306 tn?1511985701
Blank
NC
Avatar universal
Blank