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PATHOLOGY ON LYMPH NODES
Hey Everyone,
Surgeon called this afternoon to let me know that all 19 of the lymph nodes that he took are positive for cancer. Yes, I am scared. I actually sat down in my bathroom and cried this afternoon...but I am better now. This is still the same type of cancer as the thyroid so that is the good news. He said that it is not uncommon for it to travel there. We will treat this the same - with radioactive iodine - maybe a little more aggressively - and we will go from there. I have so many people calling and trying to say something comforting.....and they keep saying how lucky I am that this is a "good" cancer....I just want to yell....I don't give a flip if it's a good cancer - it's STILL CANCER!!!! Give me a break! I know that they are just worried and want to reassure me but I wish that people would just let me be emotional if I want....I am sick of having to "hold myself together" for everybody. Geez, it felt good just to get that little bit out. I am exhausted yall....I mean, just really really tired....so I am off to bed - don't have the energy to type any more but I will check in sometime tomorrow. Thanks to all of you for being my sounding board - and for letting me feel what I need to feel - and for listening when nobody else does..you truly mean alot to me.
Charley
Surgeon called this afternoon to let me know that all 19 of the lymph nodes that he took are positive for cancer. Yes, I am scared. I actually sat down in my bathroom and cried this afternoon...but I am better now. This is still the same type of cancer as the thyroid so that is the good news. He said that it is not uncommon for it to travel there. We will treat this the same - with radioactive iodine - maybe a little more aggressively - and we will go from there. I have so many people calling and trying to say something comforting.....and they keep saying how lucky I am that this is a "good" cancer....I just want to yell....I don't give a flip if it's a good cancer - it's STILL CANCER!!!! Give me a break! I know that they are just worried and want to reassure me but I wish that people would just let me be emotional if I want....I am sick of having to "hold myself together" for everybody. Geez, it felt good just to get that little bit out. I am exhausted yall....I mean, just really really tired....so I am off to bed - don't have the energy to type any more but I will check in sometime tomorrow. Thanks to all of you for being my sounding board - and for letting me feel what I need to feel - and for listening when nobody else does..you truly mean alot to me.
Charley
Hi Kate,
Well, thank you so much for that! Needed to hear that today. Yesterday was a much better day - guess I am getting used to the idea of it all! I am much more positive now than I was a few days ago. I think sometimes that I am just soooo tired that I just wish I could lay down and sleep through this whole thing but I know that I have to be "present" to deal with this. Had an interesting phone call yesterday from my now former general physician. To fill you in, my cuz is on the medical board here and she wanted to ask some very poignant questions to my former doc about what protocol is regarding patients who see her over and over with the same complaints. From what I understand it got very heated. Doc was very angry that someone would "question her authority as a doctor". She also said that it depends on the patient as to whether she sends them on to specialists. This meeting took place last week and she called me yesterday and said that she had just gotten a report from my surgeon and that she had no idea that I had thyroid cancer - it was teh first she'd heard about it! I could not believe what I was hearing! I was furious because I know that she was lying. I personally took a copy of FNA up there and gave it to her nurse! The fact that the meeting was last week and that my case was discussed also tells me that she knew. I swear, doctors like her still make my head spin! The sad thing about it is that I live in a rural area and that is the only medical center here so I have had to find another one 43 miles away - not very convenient but if it means better health care then I will go the extra distance. It amazes me how clueless some doctors are adn don't seem the least bit concerned that their carelessness can cause others much pain and even death. One lady told me about her friend who was being treated for stomach ulcers - turns out she had stomach cancer and died....ok - does nobody see the big picture here?!!??! Unbelievable!
Ok - enough spouting off - should have the brochures I ordered today - it is thyroid cancer awareness month - so plan to "spread the word"! Have a great day!
Thanks again for your kudos - it is much appreciated!!!!
Charley
Well, thank you so much for that! Needed to hear that today. Yesterday was a much better day - guess I am getting used to the idea of it all! I am much more positive now than I was a few days ago. I think sometimes that I am just soooo tired that I just wish I could lay down and sleep through this whole thing but I know that I have to be "present" to deal with this. Had an interesting phone call yesterday from my now former general physician. To fill you in, my cuz is on the medical board here and she wanted to ask some very poignant questions to my former doc about what protocol is regarding patients who see her over and over with the same complaints. From what I understand it got very heated. Doc was very angry that someone would "question her authority as a doctor". She also said that it depends on the patient as to whether she sends them on to specialists. This meeting took place last week and she called me yesterday and said that she had just gotten a report from my surgeon and that she had no idea that I had thyroid cancer - it was teh first she'd heard about it! I could not believe what I was hearing! I was furious because I know that she was lying. I personally took a copy of FNA up there and gave it to her nurse! The fact that the meeting was last week and that my case was discussed also tells me that she knew. I swear, doctors like her still make my head spin! The sad thing about it is that I live in a rural area and that is the only medical center here so I have had to find another one 43 miles away - not very convenient but if it means better health care then I will go the extra distance. It amazes me how clueless some doctors are adn don't seem the least bit concerned that their carelessness can cause others much pain and even death. One lady told me about her friend who was being treated for stomach ulcers - turns out she had stomach cancer and died....ok - does nobody see the big picture here?!!??! Unbelievable!
Ok - enough spouting off - should have the brochures I ordered today - it is thyroid cancer awareness month - so plan to "spread the word"! Have a great day!
Thanks again for your kudos - it is much appreciated!!!!
Charley
charley1986,
I know we don't know each other well but...that doesn't matter to me.
I sincerely hope and pray that you'll find "trooper status" in your battle with this. I suspect that you will. I've read a few posts of yours in the past and was lightened that you never gave up. Damned those doctors who shrugged you off. Yet, despite them-you remained true to your gut instincts. The way to be!! You are a model for us women...and men, who have/do experience the same from clueless/inconsiderate doctors.
I pray for a complete recovery for you and all those in the same "boat." Tough cookies.
Sincerely,
~Kate
in the woods and islands of Alaska
I know we don't know each other well but...that doesn't matter to me.
I sincerely hope and pray that you'll find "trooper status" in your battle with this. I suspect that you will. I've read a few posts of yours in the past and was lightened that you never gave up. Damned those doctors who shrugged you off. Yet, despite them-you remained true to your gut instincts. The way to be!! You are a model for us women...and men, who have/do experience the same from clueless/inconsiderate doctors.
I pray for a complete recovery for you and all those in the same "boat." Tough cookies.
Sincerely,
~Kate
in the woods and islands of Alaska
Hello. I know you don't know me, but I have been following your story for awhile. I also know that you don't want to hear Im sorry so I wont say it outloud ok. LOL You are right though cancer is cancer it doesnt matter if its a good one or a bad one. I agree with you.
I guess the reason I decided to post was because on the 14th of this month I have to go across state to the doctors there. I have a pituitary tumor and they want to look at it a little closer at a better hospital. The tumor is benign but its still a tumor and its messing with all of my hormones. I also have fibromyalgia, bipolar, and a condition called arnold chiari malformation. On top of all of that, they did a preliminary test and they think that my thyroid felt a little too large, so I have to have an ultrasound on it. I am just so sick and tired of doctors I can't see straight anymore.
I hope you get to feeling better. I know how it feels to be tired and you just really want people to leave you alone. So at that I am headed to bed myself. Feel better...
Aurora
I guess the reason I decided to post was because on the 14th of this month I have to go across state to the doctors there. I have a pituitary tumor and they want to look at it a little closer at a better hospital. The tumor is benign but its still a tumor and its messing with all of my hormones. I also have fibromyalgia, bipolar, and a condition called arnold chiari malformation. On top of all of that, they did a preliminary test and they think that my thyroid felt a little too large, so I have to have an ultrasound on it. I am just so sick and tired of doctors I can't see straight anymore.
I hope you get to feeling better. I know how it feels to be tired and you just really want people to leave you alone. So at that I am headed to bed myself. Feel better...
Aurora
I so know how you feel about the things people say - all meant with the best of intentions, but not helpful at all sometimes. I'm glad you got that off your chest - I have just had a day where I long to do that, but am afraid to as I'm not sure I'll be able to stop. Like you, I have been unwell for a long time - still with no answers for me and I believe I have handled it well to date, at least thats what everyone has told me - in fact I've looked like I've been handling it so well, that people have not thought that I might need any help. Noone seems to have really encouraged me to talk about it, but I know I have probably encouraged that attitude by 'keeping up appearances'. It really helped me to see you sounding off. Thats what I need to do - and I'll start with the neurologist tomorrow - maybe then He'll realise I really need his help.
All the best to you charlie - I have been checking in every day to see how you're doing. Sheila xx
All the best to you charlie - I have been checking in every day to see how you're doing. Sheila xx
Hi Bonnie I think a dx of cx and all the emotional turmoil that goes with it is difficult for others to understand . Your right they do need to say something but dont really know what other than reassurance. Sounds like yours has caught up with you today. I,m sure your little one was fine once you left her. I think family life provides a distraction from your thoughts or am I wrong . Sorry your having such a rough time at the moment glad you got your drains out though that sounded pretty sore. Ive seen what turmoil my hubbys gone through and its difficult as a partner as well but not as hard as when youve got the dx. lots and lots of hugs from the rainy uk. xx chris
Hey guys,
Thank you soooooo much for validating my feelings. I do have alot of pent up anger toward the doc who let me get so sick. It is really hard to keep a stiff upper lip sometimes but I'm doing ok I guess. I think I just needed to give myself permission to "feel", ya know? That "c" word conjures up all kinds of stuff and most of it is not going to be the same with me - because I do have a "good cancer" but it is still a blow when you find out it has already traveled somewhere else - and the lymph nodes at that. I guess I really ahve to keep my thoughts on the big picture and the end result. God has never failed me and I know He is not going to fail me now - but I have to say that my faith has been tested to some degree - but in the end, has made me stronger for it.
I think that I have been sick for so long that I am just sick to death of being sick and tired. I know that I see the light at the end of the tunnel - so that's what keeps me going.
Aurora,
Sounds like you have a lot of stress as well right now. I can really understand how you feel - I hope that they get this tumor taken care of - like my cancer - it doesn't belong there and you really want it gone. Can they do surgery and remove it? Good luck on your thyroid ultrasound....I will pray for you that it will be nothing of consequence. Keep in touch and know that people here really do care and will help in any way that they can. I have some of the best friends here - and we've never met - guess it's easier to be honest that way - without feeling you are being judged for feeling one way or another. Good luck to you - you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
Sheila,
I know how you feel right now. I think it did my heart good to sound off a little last night and to get up and write in my journal this morning - I just needed to get it out - in a safe place - in a nonjudgemental place....that's why I came here. I know everyone means well - I have probably done that same thing at some point - I just know that I am sick and I am tired and I am sooooooo ready to just have a normal life again - whatever that is....it's been so long I don't know if I could handle a life without drama of some sort! LOL! Sorry, I don't quite remember what has been going on with you - not that I don't care - just kinda been preoccupied. I know that I have posted toyou before -so refresh my memory as to what is going on with you. Keep in touch, ok?
CHRIS AND GL,
Once again, you guys are still there and I appreciate you so much. I know that I can come here and not have to worry about what anyone will think or that anyone will think that I am just a horrible person for feeling the way I do...so thanks again for your support!
BONINCLYDE,
Enough about me - how are YOU doing? Are you healing well after surgery? What is next on the agenda. I will keep in touch with you - you know that. Just got alot on my plate as well right now - but know that you are not far from my thoughts and prayers as well!!! Take care of yourself!
Thanks again Y'all!
Charley
Thank you soooooo much for validating my feelings. I do have alot of pent up anger toward the doc who let me get so sick. It is really hard to keep a stiff upper lip sometimes but I'm doing ok I guess. I think I just needed to give myself permission to "feel", ya know? That "c" word conjures up all kinds of stuff and most of it is not going to be the same with me - because I do have a "good cancer" but it is still a blow when you find out it has already traveled somewhere else - and the lymph nodes at that. I guess I really ahve to keep my thoughts on the big picture and the end result. God has never failed me and I know He is not going to fail me now - but I have to say that my faith has been tested to some degree - but in the end, has made me stronger for it.
I think that I have been sick for so long that I am just sick to death of being sick and tired. I know that I see the light at the end of the tunnel - so that's what keeps me going.
Aurora,
Sounds like you have a lot of stress as well right now. I can really understand how you feel - I hope that they get this tumor taken care of - like my cancer - it doesn't belong there and you really want it gone. Can they do surgery and remove it? Good luck on your thyroid ultrasound....I will pray for you that it will be nothing of consequence. Keep in touch and know that people here really do care and will help in any way that they can. I have some of the best friends here - and we've never met - guess it's easier to be honest that way - without feeling you are being judged for feeling one way or another. Good luck to you - you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
Sheila,
I know how you feel right now. I think it did my heart good to sound off a little last night and to get up and write in my journal this morning - I just needed to get it out - in a safe place - in a nonjudgemental place....that's why I came here. I know everyone means well - I have probably done that same thing at some point - I just know that I am sick and I am tired and I am sooooooo ready to just have a normal life again - whatever that is....it's been so long I don't know if I could handle a life without drama of some sort! LOL! Sorry, I don't quite remember what has been going on with you - not that I don't care - just kinda been preoccupied. I know that I have posted toyou before -so refresh my memory as to what is going on with you. Keep in touch, ok?
CHRIS AND GL,
Once again, you guys are still there and I appreciate you so much. I know that I can come here and not have to worry about what anyone will think or that anyone will think that I am just a horrible person for feeling the way I do...so thanks again for your support!
BONINCLYDE,
Enough about me - how are YOU doing? Are you healing well after surgery? What is next on the agenda. I will keep in touch with you - you know that. Just got alot on my plate as well right now - but know that you are not far from my thoughts and prayers as well!!! Take care of yourself!
Thanks again Y'all!
Charley
I am glad to hear that you are home and resting and the ordeal of the surgery is over. That alone was overwhelming . You have every right to be scared and every other emotion you are feeling. You don't need to justify them to anyone. But you are a lot like me and are probably the one who listens and helps others and isn't used to being the one who needs "a shoulder" . That is why I am comfortable on this forum. I have come to think of you as a friend. And as a friend I want you to know that I can be there with you as much as is possible through the internet and if you want to email me directly, I will give you my address.
Hey yall,
It just does my heart good to log on here. I feel very loved and cared for here - and above all, I feel safe here from judgement. I know that in the end, I will be ok - the cancer word and then lymph nodes and cancer - just kinda knock the breath out of you. I feel bad sometimes - b/c I do have a 'good' cancer - and then I have friends and family like boninclyde - who are going through breast cancer and some that is very invasive......so in the grand scheme of things, I am lucky. I think alot of my fear and anger comes from this being such a long journey - and wanting more than anything since I was a teenager, to just be normal and have a normal life. Gotta drop this whole pity party thing!
Thanks for the thoughts on ways to take care of myself. I am about to log off and hit my bubble bath - have candles I bought a long time ago and haven't burned...until now! Got a bottle of wine chilling so I might even break bad and have a couple!
Thank you all so much for your support. It seems like nobody in my "real world" can get me. Maybe it's a good thing they can't, huh?
Yall take care - and going against rules here I think but here's my email if anyone wants it - hate to keep using up thread here for folks who are really desperate for answers right now...if not, I will keep checking in here, too!
tired_in_nc***@****
Charley
It just does my heart good to log on here. I feel very loved and cared for here - and above all, I feel safe here from judgement. I know that in the end, I will be ok - the cancer word and then lymph nodes and cancer - just kinda knock the breath out of you. I feel bad sometimes - b/c I do have a 'good' cancer - and then I have friends and family like boninclyde - who are going through breast cancer and some that is very invasive......so in the grand scheme of things, I am lucky. I think alot of my fear and anger comes from this being such a long journey - and wanting more than anything since I was a teenager, to just be normal and have a normal life. Gotta drop this whole pity party thing!
Thanks for the thoughts on ways to take care of myself. I am about to log off and hit my bubble bath - have candles I bought a long time ago and haven't burned...until now! Got a bottle of wine chilling so I might even break bad and have a couple!
Thank you all so much for your support. It seems like nobody in my "real world" can get me. Maybe it's a good thing they can't, huh?
Yall take care - and going against rules here I think but here's my email if anyone wants it - hate to keep using up thread here for folks who are really desperate for answers right now...if not, I will keep checking in here, too!
tired_in_nc***@****
Charley
Checking in. I will say I certainly have had better days. Today is my first day being alone. Hubby back at work, kids at school. So lonely around here. I really miss my 5 year old. She did not want to go to school today. So I had to send her anyway now I feel like the big bad wolf. I walked her in and stayed with her till she felt comfortable. This stinks.
I know what you mean about the things people say. They don't mean any harm. Just don't know what to say I guess. My husband kept telling me lets get through surgery and it will all be over. I did not correct him but now he realizes what he kept telling was not true. This want be over for sometime.
I got 1 drain out yesterday and maybe the next 1 on Friday. As far as sugical pain I feel fine. Drain hurts some but not as bad as my heart today so its being ignored. I see oncologist and surgeon again on September 18th to see what will be the next step. Need to call pathologist today but I think I'll skip that till tomorrow.
Like I said Charley if I can do anything, let me know.
I know what you mean about the things people say. They don't mean any harm. Just don't know what to say I guess. My husband kept telling me lets get through surgery and it will all be over. I did not correct him but now he realizes what he kept telling was not true. This want be over for sometime.
I got 1 drain out yesterday and maybe the next 1 on Friday. As far as sugical pain I feel fine. Drain hurts some but not as bad as my heart today so its being ignored. I see oncologist and surgeon again on September 18th to see what will be the next step. Need to call pathologist today but I think I'll skip that till tomorrow.
Like I said Charley if I can do anything, let me know.
When I was a kid & sick, I made root-beer floats & played all
my favorite 45 records w/ ph-off-hook & do not disturb on knob
for 'me time'. Just gave my age away! I've had surgeries,
& still on bad days, I repeat the same only I play my cassettes.
Not into disks yet. It's abt you now. Remember the old Pac-man
game eating up stuff? Gobble away the bad stuff during treatment
& pamper yourself at home. This is a good time to pull out all
the old photos of yourself & others to get a good laugh at the
old styles. Maybe a buddy system to call is available if you
just ask. If not, we're here.
my favorite 45 records w/ ph-off-hook & do not disturb on knob
for 'me time'. Just gave my age away! I've had surgeries,
& still on bad days, I repeat the same only I play my cassettes.
Not into disks yet. It's abt you now. Remember the old Pac-man
game eating up stuff? Gobble away the bad stuff during treatment
& pamper yourself at home. This is a good time to pull out all
the old photos of yourself & others to get a good laugh at the
old styles. Maybe a buddy system to call is available if you
just ask. If not, we're here.
Charley my heart goes out to you and yes Duchess I think your right you have every reason to feel really emotional . I think my hubbys stages were denial (cant be true), (why me I must be a bad person) then anger at everyone who was saying oh well at least you can get treatment . People dont really understand what its like to be you! I lost you r email address( soz stupid me) I totally agree with what Duchess says regarding being the listener and carer for others I have a really hard time accepting that I need help and comfort sometimes. Sounds like a few of us have similar traits probably why we ended up on hear. Its the I,m all right Jack scenario . Just because we say were ok doesnt mean we are does it. As youve probably gathered I,m not really religous or anything but my thoughts are with you in heart and soul . Hands across the water eh !!! Lots of Love Chris
So sorry Charley. You have all the right to cry, holler and scream. Cancer is a scary situation. Besides its not good for you and your health to keep it all bottled inside, it feeds the cancer. However laughing is healing so surround
yourself with lots of laughter. I believe in positive thinking, lots of prayers and Gods healing hands. I hope you do too. You will beat this.
Thoughts and Prayers,
GL
yourself with lots of laughter. I believe in positive thinking, lots of prayers and Gods healing hands. I hope you do too. You will beat this.
Thoughts and Prayers,
GL
Oh Charley I am so very sorry. No I want pretend it is good news. I'll Just say I am here if you need anything. Even to vent. I still believe there is much hope for cure. There is so much that can be done now days. And you have God in your heart. That is what will get you through this. Him and your son. Let us no what we can do. If you don't tell us we can't help. Prayers.
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