How do I deal with violent tantrums

[lucas123]

My 6 yr old son is undergoing assessments for autism/aspergers.  He has an outrageous temper but only with me.  Basically when I say No he can throw, swear, smash, upturn his bed kick punch etc.  What is the best way to deal with this, as in 10 minutes time out in bedroom, or take something away.  I have tried most but nothing seems to sink in, then when asks another question and I say no because you have been naughty, he then erupts again.
Please advise???

[Sandman2]

   Very good advice.  Probably works better with a 16 year old then a 6 year old, but I agree completely with giving advance notice and communication.

[atha758]

I have a 16 year old son that is adhd and autism spectrum. He does have a temper at times, but theres several easy ways to deal with it. My son doesn't take any mood stabalizers. what i've done for years is talk to him about his temper.  I explain to him always why things need to be done instead of just telling him to do them and that usually keeps a temper from even errupting exspecially if you can explain why he can't do something in a way that he can understand.  Say he wants to play a game but you need to get to the store, sit down and explain to him fully why he can't play the game at that time. explain to him why you need to go to the store, and if you have to explain to him what it means if you don't get say the laundry detergent you need to do cloths.  When ever possiable give him a two week notice to any changes in his routine, but one of the most important things to rember is to talk to him and explain things.

[freebird227]

I would study and incorperate her suggestions asap. Children are very visual  and redirecting is hard to say the least with a child who has no disabilities.
Autism/aspergers......you should be able to get support and proper parenting lit. from them until the research is completed.Information on what makes you child tick.
Even if your chil turnes out not to meet the requirements I'm sure you'll pick up some useful info.Good luck

[angelinamarina]

Perhaps the meds he is on are causing it to be worse...but he may need a mood stablizer.  Try asking the pediatrician about it...tell him/her what is going on.

[Sally44]

The temper/tantrums maybe coming from things you are asking them to stop eg. turn off the tv and come and eat your dinner.  Most children on the spectum need to see things through to the end, so turning off a Tv programme in the middle to come and eat dinner would cause a tantrum.  Either dont put TV on if they cannot watch a programme until the end, or let them watch the programme whilst they eat dinner etc.  
If tantrums involve having to leave the house ie. put your toys away now because we have to go to the supermarket, then I would suggest the following.  Have a daily timetable, which clearly shows all the things involved on that day including going to the supermarket.  As your child works through the timetable get them to take off the symbols and put them in a 'finished' box to demonstrate that that activity has ended.  When it is time to go to the supermarket give your child plenty of warnings eg. in 10 minutes/5 minutes we leave to go shopping (also use the traffic light system mentioned below); give them a shopping list (written or pictures), so that they can help you get the shopping.  When you are getting near to a time when your child has to stop or start something you can use a traffic light system eg. green means keep going, amber means get ready to stop, red means stop.  
The more structure and predictable routine there is the less tantrums you will get.

[portuguese mom]

Try to read and use the methods in a book called SOS Help for Parents by Lynn Clark.  It is a book recommended in the Expert Behavior Forum. It is a great guide. Read the book and stick to its recommendations on a "consistent basis" and always. Once you give your a child a time out and the time out is over, do not bring the issue up again.  If he asks another question, answer the question politly.  Do not say "no because you were naughty".

[TUDA81]

wow sounds like you are in my house. i have a 7yr old that is doing the same thing.  i cant controll her at all. and her temper is all with me and her little brother.  i wish i could help but i havent got mine figured out yet.  the drs have had her highly medicated and that is when it started so im in the process of getting her off of them.  im hoping that it makes a diffrence.