Non Stop Crying Tot.

[EVANIQUE]

My 14 month old baby has been difficult from the start. He never seems contented. Now he's at that age where he knows what he wants and screams for it, really loud. He follows me around when I'm trying to clean etc grabing me and crying. If I sit down, he will come over, crawl on me and cry. If I pick him up for a hug, he cries ans wriggles. I'm in no way a soft mother and I don't give into him. I make him ask niceley for things "ta" first. If the crying gets too much he goes to his cot for 20 minutes. Often he still cries after an hour. He enjoys throwing and doing things I say NO! about. Will he ever grow out of this stage? 14 months of constant crying is starting to get to me. My other son was a lovely baby and only staeted to get wicked at 18 months. Now at 4 he's usually very well behaved. Is there anything I should be doing different with my youngest? Please Help!

[EVANIQUE]

Yes, hopefully as time goes on, I'll need to put him in his cot less and less.
Thanks

[specialmom]

Didn't mean to sound condescending.  I referred to it as a time out because you did.  You sounded like it was punishment from your initial posts so I was just going off of what you said.  Time outs for punishment are usually the same amount of minutes as their age.  Your putting him in something he can't get out of to play for a few minutes is different than a time out.  I think also if you are doing that because you feel your patience going and you might lose your temper, that is a good choice to put him down and walk away for a minute or when you have to do something.  

Anyway, good luck.  Some kids are just harder.  But the time does go by relatively quickly even when it doesn't seem like it.  You'll be free again soon enough.  

[EVANIQUE]

You sound a bit condesending. I dont see the cot as time out. He has toys to play with and it gives me a little breather from all the crying.

However, I have been trying to understand his needs more and playing with him more and things are deffinatley improving. Thanks for your suggestions on how to keep him occupied while im bussy. I will deffinatley give them a go.

Cheers.

[specialmom]

Hon, your disciplining style of a 14 month old will not work.  He's 14 months old and is not developmentally ready for a 20 minute time out.  They ALL follow mommy around.  That is normal.  Most one year olds are quite attached to their primary parents.  Shouting at him and punishing him is really not helpful.  When you have something to do, try the redirect or distraction approach.  Have a box of books and toys that he has only when you need a minute to do something.  You pull the box out and he can play while you finish a chore.  Then join in and play WITH him after the chore.  When the play time with those items is over (as in he gets bored), then put the box up until next time.  This is the idea behind rotating toys as well. It keeps them more interested in what they already have.  But at 14 months---------- sorry--------- what they want is a lot of mommy time.  Shouting at him will create . . . a toddler that shouts.  Smacking him (which you didn't mention) will create a child that hits, becoming easily frustrated results in an inpatient child.  So I agree that you are a huge part of the problem but not for the same reason you say.  Your style is a little out of whack for a one year old.  

Time out comes at maybe two years old but it didn't really work for my kids until 2.5 and 3.  

Do you know one of the reasons kids cry is to communicate with  you?  How else does he let you know he is unhappy?  So don't look at crying as this annoying and terrible thing but try to figure out what is wrong.  Attempt to distract him while you have to do something but know that with a one year old---------- you really don't get huge pieces of time to yourself.  You just don't.  I tried to get my little guys to help me and be part of the process.  Not really expecting them to clean or anything but they could run a paper towlel over a table while I did it.  I had a bag of magnets in my kitchen and when I cooked, I got the magnets out and they would sit at the frig and play magnets.  I had a cupbourd that was theirs to play in while I did dishes.  

Some babies are more difficult to console and keep content.  Absolutely they are.  But this is not a reason to be angry with them.  Yes, it can be a bit unsettling------ but don't get mad about it.  He's little.  He doesn't talk much yet and he can't help how he feels.   He very well may feed off of your attitude about him and it is compounding the problem.  I wish you luck.  I know it is really hard being a parent.  But be patient and parent with patience and love.  And no more 20 minute time outs for your one year old!  Too long and not helping. Same goes for shouting.   good luck

[EVANIQUE]

Also, he seems much more contented with me out of the picture. He's much better when alone with dad and Gran. Which seems to suggest I am the problem :( His crying really affects me and altough I dont give him any positive attention from me, maybee he likes the negative attention (mainly shouting at him). But I would have thaught putting him in his cit when he cries for attention would have corrected this by now. This is really affecting family life. Do I wait it out or is there more I culd be doing?
Thanks