adult son w/ADHD

[lynn57]

My son is 28.  He lives at home.  he was diagnosed with ADHD when he was young.  He is only 5' 3'' and acts like he doesn't have a problem.  He takes Concerta (and ritalin for the AM an PM.)  He is a chronic liar and will not take responsibility for anything. He is often verbally abusive when confronted with a lie or a problem.  I feel horrible about wanting him to move out because he seems to have many issues ( depression, anger, trouble sleeping at night with daytime drowsiness.)  Is there anything I can do to help when he won't even admit that he needs the meds.   Sometimes I think the meds make him more irritable. He doesn't take them as prescribed either.  This doesn't help. Often he is loveable and happy and we get along great.  I just never know when the hammer will fall. Would you kick him out? I feel that he would not survive on his own.

[dollyn]

it could be his medicine that is making him this way,if he was not like this before being on them.

I myself don't like concerta ,my son was on it and he started the being sleepy durning the day and couldn't sleep well at night.and he would twitch in his sleep .also he would just stare and act like he couldn't hear you.

we come to find out months latter he was having seizures .and I took him off the concerta.before that he was on adderall. and one of the side affect to concerta is seziures.
and this was back in 2006 and now he is still having seziures and the medicines are not working.they have also told me my son my be bi-polar.witch I am not going to treat him for because the medicine could make the seizures worse.

good luck with everything.

[JstMeHere]

He is 28 and living at home, pays no rent and has no responsibility. Why would he want to move out when he has it made? You need to come down on him, and make him take responsibility for his own life, as this is the only thing which will make him think twice about his actions and think more clear when deciding to do things. Obvisouly he has no motivation to get out the door and actually make something of his life, and needs this to complete his growth. I can understand if he left, and came home after difficulties or to regroup, but if he never left then I would be skeptical as to his true intentions. If he is going to live thier he needs to help out, chip in with bills and be responsbile around the house. You need to tell him you love and will support him however you can, but that he needs to leave and start his own life because you wont be around forever. I am 26 and I left home at 18 and live halfway across the US from my parents. This forced me to grow up and get real to the facts of life, and I could not have been or felt better. Once he moves out, you will also devlop a new more special relationship that you do not have now.

[lynn57]

My son gets jobs, but doesn't keep them.  He always starts out gung-ho and then screws up.  He often gets sleepy when his meds are wearing off, so he takes more.  This leaves him short at the end of the month and he crashes for a week.  Not good for keeping jobs.  He finished high school with a lot of help on our part.  He went to community college and flunked out. His organizational skills are horrible.  He hates doing anything that is not interesting to him.  If it's not fun, he really has a hard time paying attention.  His IQ is fine. He is extremely immature and is very unrealistic.  He has volunteered a couple of times for the SCA as he is interested in the environment.  He was gone for six months on one internship, but housing etc. was provided.  I want him to live a normal happy life.  It seems like we are destined to have him here forever.

[tejodouro]

Does he have a job? Did he go to college? did he finish high school?  You should also post this question in the expert forum "relationship decisions".  The doctor in that forum is very helpful. You will need to provide more information about your son's ability to work and the type of activities that he does on a day to day.  Does he cook, wash laundry and such?  Until you use tuff love, get him counseling and let him live on his own for a while, you will not know if he can live on his own.  You probably need a third party involved such an ADHD coach or psycholigist to help you evaluate the situation.  If he has a steady job, he should be on his own.  He also should be adult enough at 28 to manage and take responsibility for his meds.  Good luck and God bless you.  Try the Relationship Decision Forum.