Aa
:/
When i was little,my mother sexualy abused me.Now im 16 and living with my aunt.Ever sience my mother did that,iv been having sleep problems.I guess its just old memories of her wakeing me up in the middle of the night for sex. I dont know what to do.I havnt slept in 3 days
Oh honey I am so sorry this happened to you.There really isnt anything you can do to change the fact the girlfriend told everyone,but the people who think this is funny you do not want to be friends with anyway & I am certain some kids are going to think there is nothing funny about all of this.I am sorry you are so alone it is a terrible feeling!!!
I also got sexually abused as a child & understand your feelings with me it was a stepfather & I was afraid to tell.I will always be here if you need me to talk to.Remember its not your fault & that everyone will not betray your trust as this girl did .
Lisa
I also got sexually abused as a child & understand your feelings with me it was a stepfather & I was afraid to tell.I will always be here if you need me to talk to.Remember its not your fault & that everyone will not betray your trust as this girl did .
Lisa
I meant at the guys at school,you said she told everyone about you ... I think its always a good idea to lighten it so they have nothing to make any remarks..possibly that wouldnt work for you though ..Good luck .
Laugg about it?
How am i suppose to laugh about it when i can bearly talk about it without breaking down and crying?!
How am i suppose to laugh about it when i can bearly talk about it without breaking down and crying?!
Hi Blake , Best way to handle the talk is to laugh back at it, you may not feel like doing that but if you lighten up it helps I expect they will forget it soon, so try to cultivate a way of reacting with humor if anyone says anything negaitive about it, you can laugh at your self, its a good way to win friends aswell everyone wants to be around someone amusing ...
Blake, I'm so sorry. The thing is, this isn't something YOU did, it's something your mother did and I think you would be surprised at the people who will support you. You find out who your friends are, as they say.
Of course you could always laugh and look surprised and say you had sex with her and she got so excited she pooped and got embarrassed and ran out to the bathroom. (That's how girls handle mean girls, just get meaner).
But seriously, i'm so sorry this has all happened to you and someday the pain will be less.
God bless.
Of course you could always laugh and look surprised and say you had sex with her and she got so excited she pooped and got embarrassed and ran out to the bathroom. (That's how girls handle mean girls, just get meaner).
But seriously, i'm so sorry this has all happened to you and someday the pain will be less.
God bless.
So,i told my exgirlfriend about what happend and the first thing she did was laugh at me.She thought i was just messing around.And now she told everybody what happend.Im never going to school again..
Your girlfriend was pushing you into something you weren't ready for. One of the hardest things for abuse victims to learn is how to set appropriate boundaries and make good choices. These things are very difficult for teenagers anyway, much less teens who have been abused. There are solid biological reason for that. The brain does not yet have emotional controls in place, which is why many teens make mistakes and downright dangerous choices.
Your mother not only did not help you learn this but she violated your person and your personal boundaries. It's going to be difficult to learn who to let into your life and who to keep out of it. Who will be good for you and allow you to flourish? Who will set you on a path of destruction? Of course it's expected that when someone, even a girlfriend, begins to violate your personal space without your permission, you are going to be VERY uncomfortable. You have never had a say in how your body was treated, and you don't yet have the skills developed to effectively control who should or should not have access to it. I imagine that the moment your girlfriend took liberties, your autopilot kicked in and triggered feelings of helplessness and fear. That's a very powerful reaction that can be difficult to overcome, but not impossible.
We begin to learn coping skills in childhood, and you had nobody to help teach you. The very person who should have done that job not only didn't do it, but twisted it and abused the privilege. You have a choice now. Take time off from girlfriends and the always-present temptation to get into situations that you know you aren't ready to handle. Try to get your hands on the book I mentioned and begin the walk toward a healthy life and self-image. It's all about learning coping skills and teaching yourself to react differently. (Google cognitive behaviorial therapy - CBT - if you have some time.) When you get uptight being in physical contact with another person, you can teach yourself to react differently. Not everyone is out to hurt you. It's a matter of recognizing what triggers your negative reactions and how to deal with it. That's not easy for anybody most of the time.
You're so very young, and you have so much time. You don't have to let your mother defeat you. You are not "screwed up" - SHE is. Could you use some help as you walk this walk? Yes. If you aren't ready for it though, there's no point in pursuing it. One thing you might try to do on your own is write. Write a letter to your mother and vomit out everything that she did to you and how it affected you and hurt you and scared you. You don't have to send it. You can burn it if you want. I know it sounds odd, but it can actually be an empowering exercise. As you get used to writing your story, one day you'll be able to speak of it without pain and worry and embarrassment. That's when the healing begins.
This is so much to ask a teenager to do on his own. Many adults can't do this exercise even within the safety of counseling. If you reach the point that you want to talk to someone, consider a clergyman. Go to a catholic church and go to confessional booth. Everything you say is confidential and the seal of confession cannot be broken. Period. It doesn't matter if you aren't catholic or a church member. I say this not to convert you if your beliefs lie elsewhere, but to offer an alternative. When I wasn't much older than you, traumatic circumstances found me in the office of an episcopalian priest who also happened to hold a degree in psychology. It was one of those situations that the right person was put in my path at the right time. Being a minor and a student, I couldn't have paid for private counseling anyway. This man gave his time to me and helped me through an incredibly difficult time. There are always alternatives. It's not always so easy to find them. :-)
Your mother not only did not help you learn this but she violated your person and your personal boundaries. It's going to be difficult to learn who to let into your life and who to keep out of it. Who will be good for you and allow you to flourish? Who will set you on a path of destruction? Of course it's expected that when someone, even a girlfriend, begins to violate your personal space without your permission, you are going to be VERY uncomfortable. You have never had a say in how your body was treated, and you don't yet have the skills developed to effectively control who should or should not have access to it. I imagine that the moment your girlfriend took liberties, your autopilot kicked in and triggered feelings of helplessness and fear. That's a very powerful reaction that can be difficult to overcome, but not impossible.
We begin to learn coping skills in childhood, and you had nobody to help teach you. The very person who should have done that job not only didn't do it, but twisted it and abused the privilege. You have a choice now. Take time off from girlfriends and the always-present temptation to get into situations that you know you aren't ready to handle. Try to get your hands on the book I mentioned and begin the walk toward a healthy life and self-image. It's all about learning coping skills and teaching yourself to react differently. (Google cognitive behaviorial therapy - CBT - if you have some time.) When you get uptight being in physical contact with another person, you can teach yourself to react differently. Not everyone is out to hurt you. It's a matter of recognizing what triggers your negative reactions and how to deal with it. That's not easy for anybody most of the time.
You're so very young, and you have so much time. You don't have to let your mother defeat you. You are not "screwed up" - SHE is. Could you use some help as you walk this walk? Yes. If you aren't ready for it though, there's no point in pursuing it. One thing you might try to do on your own is write. Write a letter to your mother and vomit out everything that she did to you and how it affected you and hurt you and scared you. You don't have to send it. You can burn it if you want. I know it sounds odd, but it can actually be an empowering exercise. As you get used to writing your story, one day you'll be able to speak of it without pain and worry and embarrassment. That's when the healing begins.
This is so much to ask a teenager to do on his own. Many adults can't do this exercise even within the safety of counseling. If you reach the point that you want to talk to someone, consider a clergyman. Go to a catholic church and go to confessional booth. Everything you say is confidential and the seal of confession cannot be broken. Period. It doesn't matter if you aren't catholic or a church member. I say this not to convert you if your beliefs lie elsewhere, but to offer an alternative. When I wasn't much older than you, traumatic circumstances found me in the office of an episcopalian priest who also happened to hold a degree in psychology. It was one of those situations that the right person was put in my path at the right time. Being a minor and a student, I couldn't have paid for private counseling anyway. This man gave his time to me and helped me through an incredibly difficult time. There are always alternatives. It's not always so easy to find them. :-)
Thanks ^^
So,my girlfriend and i just broke up because we neve rhad any "sexual contact"?
Because everytime she would touch me around *that area* i would flinch and pull away.Im really skrewed up fml
So,my girlfriend and i just broke up because we neve rhad any "sexual contact"?
Because everytime she would touch me around *that area* i would flinch and pull away.Im really skrewed up fml
This is so sad. Blake, I completely understand your reluctance to talk to a counselor. If you're not ready, you're not ready so it wouldn't do any good anyway. There is a book I think might help you in the meantime. It's called "Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse" written by Mic Hunter. If you have access to purchase the book online, it's available in paperback through Amazon for $10 to $15. You may be able to find it at your local library or through the interlibrary loan system. Most libraries have an online search and self-checkout system if you don't want to check it out in person. It's not an easy book to read if for nothing else than the subject matter, but there are some self-treatment exercises included that might help you begin to work your way through the trauma. Take it in small doses. Baby steps still get you where you want to be. There's no rule that says you have to smash through this all at once, and you probably shouldn't.
You sound like such a great kid. I hate to think of you suffering even more after what has been done to you. (And never forget that it WAS done to you. You didn't ask for this nor were you responsible for any of it.) Try to remember that you don't have to suffer in silence. When you're ready to do the mental work, you know it's available. You aren't alone and I know it was likely extremely difficult to even post here. Come back any time you need to. :-)
You sound like such a great kid. I hate to think of you suffering even more after what has been done to you. (And never forget that it WAS done to you. You didn't ask for this nor were you responsible for any of it.) Try to remember that you don't have to suffer in silence. When you're ready to do the mental work, you know it's available. You aren't alone and I know it was likely extremely difficult to even post here. Come back any time you need to. :-)
Dr Lauras book is great, and thats also great feedback from lee above ... let us know how you are doing ...
I am sorry this happened to you Blake, i was molested by my mothers ex husband and many other guys when i was young , however, I can only imagine that this being done by your mother is very hard on you---children lean on their mothers more for support than anyone and for her to break your trust has had to really have a neg effect on you. I understand that it is hard to talk about but I feel that you are already making progress by being brave enough to come here and post. You can post here as often as you would like and talk about whatever feelings you are having and we will not judge you. I am sorry this happened and i am praying for you buddy--if you need someone to talk to feel free to email me or any other member that you feel comfortable talking to. Lee
Blake, get a copy of Bad Childhood, Good life by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. You should be able to get it at a used book store, or online used.
I'm sorry this happened to you. If you're not willing to talk to a therapist but really want strategies to move on and begin a new life, this book is for you.
God bless.
I'm sorry this happened to you. If you're not willing to talk to a therapist but really want strategies to move on and begin a new life, this book is for you.
God bless.
Not everyone can talk about it theres no doubt that part is hard , remember what I said previously it was'nt your fault you did nothing wrong, there are some books out there regarding child abuse and also websites that are descreet, maybe some reading up will help,you can PM anyone her to talk privatly ...have you browsed the Groups and forums , another help is to find people who have also had a similar experience that is affecting them ....
If you are not already doing so you really really should get some counseling. I know it's not what anybody wants to hear but you had a lot of things happen to you that nobody should ever have happen. You need to talk about things with somebody professional who can help you. Also they may want to start you on some medication to help get you through this rough part which is ok. If you need help you need it. Don't be afraid of it. Good luck.
I dont want counseling,I hate talking about it.I hate talking about feelings.Im not an open guy.And no,my aunt isnt approachable because i know whatever i tell her,she will take it over the limit and tell everyone And i'll end up being the laughing stock at school
I am sorry this happened to you, did you have any counselling and be able to talk about it, as that may help you, to get beyond what did happen which in point of fact is now the past , you will need to accept that it did happen ,nothing will make that any differant. do you lay in bed thinking about it as that will make you feel bad, if you try to switch the thoughts, distract yourself,it is a fact many abused children feel guilty and feel somehow it was their fault, it was not your fault she was the perpetrator not you .It is simple for me to say this to you, I do fel that some real help is in order and maybe if your Aunt is approachable you should speak to her, tell her it is affecting you . How is school going are your doing okay ,friends , other family ,these are things to focus on , try really hard to put the negative thoughts away when they come into your head ..Get some help , let us know how you are doing and please know we care ...
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