mother daughter abuse HELP!

[angelelmore]

I don't know where to start. My mother didn't want children, but she ended up having 2, ten years apart. I can remember when i was 6 and my brother would take beatings for me. He turned to drugs to get away from her, to try to forget, and left me there alone with her when I was 8. She tortured me. I can remember thinking please hit me and shut up, she would say some of the meanest things and I would rather her hit me than say another thing about how ugly i was, how I was the problem, how it was my fault for everything, how i was stupid, useless, pathetic, and the list goes on... I know I am not ugly, I won every pageant there was to win for her. I made straight A's in school. I never went out with my friends. I always did everything the way I thought she wanted... perfect. Still she hated me, hit me, abused me. All i wanted was for her to say  I'm proud of you baby. Anyways, she kicked me out of the house when I was 17 and my boyfriend took me in (and he was only 20). He put me through my senior year of highschool, watched me graduate, and is now putting me through college. I owe alot to him. Recently I started talking to my mother again, after not speaking to her for 3 years. She is still the most hateful, manipulative, fake, in-sensitive ***** (pardon my language) that i have ever met. But I try i really do try to get along with her, I ignore her comments, and her 'i'm always right attitude' and I ignore her comments about my boyfriend, now fiance. I have been engaged to him for 3 of the 4 years I have been living with him. We are going to get married September 10, 2010. It almost hurt my feelings that I was there to try on wedding dresses all by myself and other women had their moms with them. I want my mother to be there with me, for me, support me. I hate it and I would really like to get physical with her when she downs my fiance and me after all he has done for me, but I know if I did, I would be no better than her. So how do I tell my mother that I am getting married in just a few months without risking her going psycho on me or my fiance. Or should I even tell her at all? I mean she is my mom, and for some reason I want her there?.... What do I do?????

[mamajune]

I know it sounds bad but I agree with RockRose .Don't tell her. She does't deserve to know and she might cause an ugly scene and ruin what should be one of the happiest days of your life . one thing I would like to tell you is that often a child is abused due to looking like or having traits of a relative that your mother had bad experiences with . Also eventhough it's not my business  I think that a kind of tough love would be useful to you in your relationship with her . Stick to your word if you tell her something and hopefully she will respect you.(eventually);)But think long and hard before you do anything. Anyway pray for your mother and in your heart (as much as you can ) wish  only good things and happiness for her..What goes around comes around and that applies to everybody.and everything.

[RockRose]

Do you have any other women in your life that you actually like?  An aunt,  a favorite teacher,  etc?  

Kick her to the curb.  She abused you against your will when you were little,  and now she's abusing you with your full cooperation.

Of course you'll always wish you had a mother,  but the fact is you don't and no matter what you do you can't magically turn her into a mother.  All your effort is for naught.

You won't believe how free you feel if you just make the decision to ditch her,  and build your life around people you actually enjoy.