Should I do anything about this?

[medicmommy]

Hi all,
I posted a while back because I had been tolerating my husband's anger and verbal abuse for so long, that I lost my self esteem and began to believe everything was my fault. I finally found my spine and stood up to him and we both have began individual counseling. I am still learning how to be assertive and he now regards me as "too dangerous to deal with" so now he doesn't interact with me at all. For now, I'm okay with this, but I recently purchased a book (The
Verbally Abusive Spouse -Can He Change? -A guide to help whether you should stay or go.) and had it sitting under a pile of papers that I'd set in the entry way when I got home from errands this afternoon. After he got home from work, I remembered the book, and I went to relocate it. It was gone, and only he could have moved it. When I asked him if he did, he denied seeing it or moving it. I know he has it, -and he has hid it because he feels threatened by it. Part of me hopes he reads it and gets some feedback from it about his behavior, and the other part of me is furious that he has taken it. I've confronted him once and he's lied. Now what? Do I call him on the carpet for lying and demand my book back ( he will tell me I have a cr@ppy memory, and that he has no idea what I'm talking about) or do I just let this one go? Grr. At this point he is making some really dumb choices if he thinks attempting to control my thinking is going to help matters...~MM

[medicmommy]

Already been working on that -for more reasons than one. Our finances (except for bills) are separated, I have an emergency place to go if needed, and I have a small amount in savings. If I had to leave, it would only take minutes.

He did read some of the book and, quite frankly, I think it shook him up that I would actually consider leaving him. He even admitted that he saw himself in some of it. Last night we were up until 2 AM discussing what is wrong with our marriage, and how should it be fixed, and whose "junk" was whose...a first in a very long time. He actually did this without resorting to verbal abuse. Perhaps there is hope after all...We will see...~MM

[AnnieBrooke]

I'd begin making plans to go.  If he reads the book and gets something out of it, great.  

[medicmommy]

I agree, everything else is HUGE. The book thing is merely a petty symptom of all else that is wrong. I am facing the biggest decision in my life -to stay or go, to stay married or divorce this man who has been in my life for 24 years... and now it all depends on what he does. There is some hope that he "gets it" and will change, but my optimism in this is deteriorating as time passes. I will give it a bit more time. If we attend marriage counseling and there is progress, then I stay. If not -or the marriage counseling doesn't happen, then I go. I refuse to live my life as I have. I am no longer that diminished scared rabbit person. ~MM

[RockRose]

The very very least of your problems is where that book is.  If you want another copy,  buy another one.  

Focus on the bigger picture,  which is that your spouse has extreme anger issues and is a liar and  you have a preteen daughter during this very difficult time.  

The book is nothing, and his lying about taking it is also nothing.

Everything else is HUGE.