Could it be molestation?

[Worried737]

I have worries that my daughter may be being abused by my husband. There is no real proof and she can't exactly tell me. She is only 2 years old. Since October of last year I have left her with my mother when I go to work. She has always been ok, just a little upset when I leave. But...3 months ago she started panicking every time I would leave her. This stressed me out, made me cry because I didn't know why. Now at those times my husband would pick her up from my Mom's house and be home alone with her until I got off work, which was 2 to 3 hours later. Well when he would pick her up, my mom says she would throw a fit and not want to go with him. Before 3 months ago this didn't happen. When he tries to kiss, hug, or play with her she pushes him away. I ended up quitting my job last month to be home with her. Then I noticed when he would come home from work she would be happy he was home but, she would run if he tried to pick her up or give her a kiss. She would get mad if he persisted. He is the only person she does this to. She has many people in her life, male cousins, male uncles, her grandpa and grandma, and a couple of aunts. She will go and play with any of them including me but gets irritated at him. It never used to be like that. I thought maybe it was terrible two's cause she gets more mad now but I don't know. If she sleeps with us she wakes up through the night, really irritated. Also, she won't go to the store with him by herself. If she has to she screams and panics, reaching for me. Then about a week ago I was on the computer and I heard her cry... I jumped up immediately and went into her room. When I got in there he was already holding her, I didn't hear him go in there. I heard him come out of the bathroom, heard the creak on floor, I thought he went to bed. The thing is he never goes to her when she cries, so i was very surprised and worried. He never used to wanna take her to the store or have me leave her if I left. Now all of sudden, he wants to. Doesn't if sound fishy? At this point I feel stupid cause it all sounds bad, but I know that accusations against a person, if there not true, can ruin them. She also started complaining a couple months ago that her Vagina and her butt hurt. Half my life I was molested so I didn't want to touch her down there to make sure she was ok. But 2 days ago she was complaining a lot so I made sure my sister was in the room and I kinda looked. She had a rash, she is potty trained so I thought maybe it's from the panties. I took her to the hospital the said it looks like an irritation, but to trust my instincts. OK, can express my worries all day long so I should stop now and wait for and answer. One more thing...if i tell him I don't want to have sex he waits until he "thinks" I'm asleep. In the morning when I ask him if we had sex, he tells me no. Anyways can someone give me some advise.  

[margypops]

I meant it would be good if you have Family to go to them.I have a keybord with Gremlins in it.

[margypops]

You need to take your daughter to your Doctor and ask for her to be examined,I understand your not wanting to look at her down 'there 'as it had been done to you ,this was a normal reaction and not Bizarre,you are concerned and not just putting your head in the sand, if he is abusing her you have protected her and what could be better. It sounds as if you need to speak to someone ,soon,and dont leave him alone with her,it would be good if there is some truth in it ,your Doc will advise, to leave and take your Daughter to Family away from him.

[james2069]

Always trust your gut, your child is too young to defend herself and needs you,I would deffinately maybe set up a hidden camera, or even a tape recoreder so you can hear whats going on when your not around, I seen on the news once a mother thought her daughter was being abused at school so the mother put a small tape player in her backpack and recorded the abuse,I would trust the feeling that you have and find out whats going on!

[MrsOckert]

Your first post was rather bizarre, especially for people that have never experienced anything like this.

Your first problem is that fact that you were subjected to such horrible abuse for so long.  Now every situation you see is going to be colored by that perception.  Your going to see abuse where it may or may not exist.  Are you getting any counseling?  You really really need to talk to a therapist and deal with this.  It won't get any easier.

I do know someone else that would do the same bizarre thing as you and your husband....she would pretend to be asleep and he would have sex with her.  They both had been abused (sexually) by a parent so I think it has a lot to do with that.  But it's a very strong indication that you are NOT in a healthy relationship.  

I'm glad you've separated but I can't suggest strongly enough that you get into some kind of therapy and maybe eventually therapy for you and your husband together.

Does your husband know you were abused?

[Worried737]

Also my daughter would be able to see him, but I would always be there...supervising.

[Worried737]

What on earth do you know? were you ever molested...I didn't want to touch her, so what that's a good thing. It's hard, you have know clue, my abuse stopped 5 years ago. I was completely brainwashed, excuse me if I don't handle things exactly the way people want me to.
  The acting like I was asleep "was" a test, to see if he was capable of taking advantage of a someone. Acting like your asleep comes very easy when your ashamed and tired and need a break so you have strength to fight the next night, I learned that with my father. I kicked my husband out because of it I did end up asking him about our daughter and he got upset at me he told me he couldn't believe that I would think that. I can't really trust what he says, everyone's right, but it's because i learned with my father that a person can lie their butts off and ball and cry but, still be guilty. I wont let him come back into my home, I decided that today when he called, he will be working on buying his own home. I think it would be safer that way anyways because if I'm feeling like it's possible he is touching her and he isn't really, then living in separate homes would be best.