I dont know

[shanna520]

Hi,  I dont know if I am over reacting but I need some help.  My husband and I have been together for 8 years.  We have two children whom are toddlers and my stepson is 16.  The outburst always seem to be the same thing.  He makes the money so he should be able to spend it like he wants and that it is his contribution to the household.   I asked why he could not help out at home and he started with f this and that in front of all the kids.  I asked him to stop and he continued.  I told him he needed to apologize to me and the kids for his behavior and he said he would not.  I told him he has no respect for me and he said I had non for him.  His outburst are to the point where I am getting nervous that he is gonna react this way to the kids when I am not home.  I feel like I need to walk on egg shells and always ask his opinion for everything or permission.  He tells me I am stupid for asking his opinion but I tell him its cause I dont know how he will react.  Or he states that I never aks and he always forgets why he was yelling at me.  This last time he told me that he didnt know why he yelled at me just that I triggered something in him and then on Monday told me he was sorry but if I just remembered his contribution that everything would be alright.  This is not the first time, but it seems to be happening more frequent.  I am worried about my daughter specially but both my boys too.  It happens about every 6 weeks and when I told him that he told me I was crazy.  Thru the years has told me I am over sensative, stupid,. I have told him in the past if he threatened me I would leave but then he says I can't leave with is kids and its his house and well... you may get the picture.  I know you can't tell much from writing on here but is this verbal abuse or am I at fault?  I am confused.  

[margypops]

This is a very old thread and the folks may not be around . It seems to me reading your post that you are in an abusive relationship,and your husband needs some counseling ,you may want to tell him you are not happy with his behavior and if he doesnt stop you will leave, you have to mean it, if he really wants to change and loves you he will get some help. Verbal abuse it very demeaning and it will efect you self esteem and your Life. When he yells walk away do not take it, no one has to ..if he doesnt want to change .just GO do not be afraid .  

[tiredOFit09]

I am going through the same thing, except i dont have kids....I believe my husband is verbaly abusive too. The only thing is mine happens alot more frequently, like twice a week if not more. It seems like everything i do is wrong he yells at me and cusses me to the point i get scared of him. If i stand up to him it makes it worse. We havent been married long at all. But i so feel your pain and i can relate to all you have said. My husband and i BOTH work and he can spend whatever he wants but when i spend even $5 he fusses, he has even went to the bank and got a print off of what i spend....its a little creepy how close he watches over me....some times i think did i make the wrong decision. I wish you luck along with all the other women who goes through this....

[AnnaE]

I was frightened to read your original post. My father had tirades like that with my mother. He sexually abused me and beat me and a brother all the time. All I can say is get the coundseling--maybe some group counseling, also.

Watch how he treats the kids. I am sorry you are going through this. I know that your situation is not my childhood situation, but he has a lot of work to do.

[momagain59]

Yes, it does make perfect sense. You can't help someone else until you help yourself. You are doing everything right. I am so glad to hear how strong you are getting. You can and will overcome this.

[shanna520]

I am gonna go to counseling for myself first to get all my ducks in a row, then I am gonna approach him about it.  In the past when I brought up counseling he stated no way would he go and was very angry and yada.....  I will exhaust all of my options with him first then I will go for options for me after that.  In the mean time, still trying to make plans incase things do not go to my plan.  Does that make sense?  

[April2]

Shanna, would he be willing to go to counseling with you? It's very possible he would like to change but just needs help. I always try to see the best and/or positive in people. Maybe he doesn't like how he's acting either but just doesn't know how to change and needs help. I'd recommend counseling for the two of you and an anger management class for him, if he'd be agreeable. It's always best if the two of you can get along even if you divorce, for the kids sake.
I wish you the best.