Aa
My parents are ruining my life
I see this as abuse but if not I am sorry.
Me (28 male) and my brother (32 male) are used by our parents. I have had issues from this (i became a hermit, i didn't leave the house for 5 years) but my parents still found a way to make money from me (about 700 a month) for taking care of a "disabled" mother who does NOT try and get better. They told me this money was going to be used to get me better but 5 years later... not one cent has been used to get me better. I would like to add that I took care of my mother for years before this "job"
That's all recent though. There was a time when I had real jobs but I never got to save as it all went to the family.
The thing is my father is not right in the head as he thinks me and my brother are still kids and he thinks it's ok that me and my brother have no future. Thing is, the reason we are not homeless is my brother. He has had a great paying job for over 10 years and he also has nothing to show for it.
Yes, these are my parents but I want a life too. They refuse to move to a cheaper place to live. This would allow for me and my brother to save up money so we could leave. Me and my brother had (i say had because it won't happen) to move out together and go from there. Basically, all I am to my father is a house keeper, cooker and care for my mother. As you might guess it is hard to feel like I am a man here. I am starting to get better on my own. I am doing side-jobs now and am not a hermit anymore. One day i told them i was getting a real job but would still take care of mother. Well, I have gotten NO support for this at all due to them finally telling me they were worried I would lose that 700 a month for taking care of my mother.
They don't care if i have no future. Heck, my PARENTS when I turned 18 actually forged my name for a credit card and maxed it out. I found out not by them telling me but by finding the bill in the mail and to this day they never paid any of the bill nor do they see anything wrong with what they did.
My father has had many good jobs over the years but he never could keep them as he missed a lot of days. All he does is sleep whenever he gets the chance. On the weekends he sleeps non-stop (i am dead serious, I don't know how it's possible to do that). He has a job now that only pays 200 a week because they put up with his missing days and because they offer good insurance so he can afford all my mothers drugs. When he was out of work we had a problem affording food as he paid cash for my mothers drugs. My father also has constant yelling fits/rants daily. I guess you could say he acts like a mean drunk but he doesn't even drink.
I also never had a real mother as when i was a kid if my mother wasn't trying to kill herself and being in mental hospitals for months at a time she was drugged out of her mind at home. My mother has many physical problems also but again does not want to get better as trust me i tried. Her whole day pretty much is taking drugs, tv and going online. Just recently (2 or so months ago) i did a lot of extra cleaning in the house so some people could give her a scooter. This scooter was supposed to help her do some stuff for herself and get her to a doctor to get her better. well after getting the scooter she said she needed more stuff to be able to go to the doctors etc. Keep in mind she said all of this AFTER getting the scooter and she hasn't sat in it once.
I realize this is a one-sided story but i am just trying to tell how i feel with horrible grammar (haha). I am asking for help/guidance i guess...
Thank you.
Me (28 male) and my brother (32 male) are used by our parents. I have had issues from this (i became a hermit, i didn't leave the house for 5 years) but my parents still found a way to make money from me (about 700 a month) for taking care of a "disabled" mother who does NOT try and get better. They told me this money was going to be used to get me better but 5 years later... not one cent has been used to get me better. I would like to add that I took care of my mother for years before this "job"
That's all recent though. There was a time when I had real jobs but I never got to save as it all went to the family.
The thing is my father is not right in the head as he thinks me and my brother are still kids and he thinks it's ok that me and my brother have no future. Thing is, the reason we are not homeless is my brother. He has had a great paying job for over 10 years and he also has nothing to show for it.
Yes, these are my parents but I want a life too. They refuse to move to a cheaper place to live. This would allow for me and my brother to save up money so we could leave. Me and my brother had (i say had because it won't happen) to move out together and go from there. Basically, all I am to my father is a house keeper, cooker and care for my mother. As you might guess it is hard to feel like I am a man here. I am starting to get better on my own. I am doing side-jobs now and am not a hermit anymore. One day i told them i was getting a real job but would still take care of mother. Well, I have gotten NO support for this at all due to them finally telling me they were worried I would lose that 700 a month for taking care of my mother.
They don't care if i have no future. Heck, my PARENTS when I turned 18 actually forged my name for a credit card and maxed it out. I found out not by them telling me but by finding the bill in the mail and to this day they never paid any of the bill nor do they see anything wrong with what they did.
My father has had many good jobs over the years but he never could keep them as he missed a lot of days. All he does is sleep whenever he gets the chance. On the weekends he sleeps non-stop (i am dead serious, I don't know how it's possible to do that). He has a job now that only pays 200 a week because they put up with his missing days and because they offer good insurance so he can afford all my mothers drugs. When he was out of work we had a problem affording food as he paid cash for my mothers drugs. My father also has constant yelling fits/rants daily. I guess you could say he acts like a mean drunk but he doesn't even drink.
I also never had a real mother as when i was a kid if my mother wasn't trying to kill herself and being in mental hospitals for months at a time she was drugged out of her mind at home. My mother has many physical problems also but again does not want to get better as trust me i tried. Her whole day pretty much is taking drugs, tv and going online. Just recently (2 or so months ago) i did a lot of extra cleaning in the house so some people could give her a scooter. This scooter was supposed to help her do some stuff for herself and get her to a doctor to get her better. well after getting the scooter she said she needed more stuff to be able to go to the doctors etc. Keep in mind she said all of this AFTER getting the scooter and she hasn't sat in it once.
I realize this is a one-sided story but i am just trying to tell how i feel with horrible grammar (haha). I am asking for help/guidance i guess...
Thank you.
Do you only make $700 dollars a month? I am sure that you and your brother if you really wanted to could save the money together and leave. What is keeping you there, guilt? They are adults and can make their own decisions and need to when you are gone, its not your job. Besides being a hermit what is the issue with you? you mentioned something about making you better. I wouldnt even mention to your parents anything just leave. you guys are grown men. good luck
you dont say why you and your brother are still there do you have a diability that keeps you from working have your brother fgo to work and put his money in the bank and hide the bank boof and it wont be long until he has rnough and then maybe you can both get out in the meantime tell them you are doing your job taking care of them and that money you get is yours and you keep it and save wish i knew the right ans but i dont lots of luck jo i think you guys will be happier when you do have a place of your own
well, by me saying stuff about choices you make, etc, i did not mean to minimize what you are going through. Sometimes reading the stories of others may help you put things in perspective and it can be easy to say things like "wow, i guess i don't really have it that bad,etc", but that doesn't make your problems any less important. This is obviously something that is stressful for you, stressful enough that you needed to ask for help..so what you're going though is important.
I know it's easier said than done to leave home and saving money is hard for everyone. Hopefully, your brother can help you out a little until you get on your feet. Good luck.
I know it's easier said than done to leave home and saving money is hard for everyone. Hopefully, your brother can help you out a little until you get on your feet. Good luck.
Hi socgirl, thank you for the help. I know that I am the only one that lets this go on but it's really hard to save up. When I do have the chance to save up (from side-jobs i get no money from my job for taking care of my mother) it's not enough to leave and sooner or later I give it to them as we always have money problems. Both me and my brother are mentally trapped i guess.
The only way i could see this ending is if my brother takes steps to end this or if i can find some cheap place to live till i can get on my feet.
In the meantime, i have been reading stuff here and wow i feel so foolish in thinking i had it bad when you are right this is my choice.
Again, thanks for reading all that and helping.
The only way i could see this ending is if my brother takes steps to end this or if i can find some cheap place to live till i can get on my feet.
In the meantime, i have been reading stuff here and wow i feel so foolish in thinking i had it bad when you are right this is my choice.
Again, thanks for reading all that and helping.
Ok...you're a 28 yr. old male. Your parents have become dependent on you and your brother and are definitely taking advantage of you. However, because you are an adult now, you are not responsible for taking care of your parents. they may never realize all the pain they've caused, but you cannot "change" them or control them. You only have control over your future. Do not let them ruin your life any more than they've already have. The credit card thing that they did is fraud..if i were you, i would report them and have them held accountable by the courts. not that you necessarily are asking for the money back, but the debt they accrued would no longer be your responsbility to pay off. They may have been responsible to some degree for the suffering you have endured, particularly as a child, but you are an adult now and what you choose to do with your life and what kind of an adult you choose to become is up to you and it's a choice that you make. I realize it's hard to get started on your own two feet again, but you must start now. Get a job...any job, and start saving some money to move out. Whatever you have to do. Like i said you are an adult now and you can place all the blame you want on your parents for your situation, however that will not change the situation and if you do not do something, anything, to hold them accountable and let them continue this manipulation, then that will be a choice that YOU make, and you cannot blame anyone else for your choices.
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