My wife abuses me

[jetx]

I have been abused by my wife since I got married. I have to admit that I have made a couple of decisions in my life that my wife wasn't happy about it that has made our lifes from an economic point of view more difficult. As a result of those decisions I get abused on a daily basis. I don't know what to do anymore. I have been feeling guilty and put up with it for the longest time. We have three children and if it wasn't for them I could take some action but I don't want to risk my children. I know that if we got a divorce she would make sure my life is as misarable as it can be. We met in the USA and when I finished my degree I wanted to go back to my country but she didn't want to come. I was madly in love and I decided to stay. We got married and that's when the abuse started. I had kept a few things to myself about my past relationship's. She started a brutal interrogation that lasted for six months. Every detail, every action, everything she demanded to know and didn't stop till she got all the information through mental torture. What I mean about mental torture is that she would ask me the same questions for hours, days, weeks, months, non stop. She would argue with me till early morning hours  non stop. And the next day and the next. Finally we got through that stage and life went back to "normal". This abuse has continued for different reasons. There is always seems to be a reson for her to abuse me. She is not happy with her life and I get the blame. That's OK. But is that a normal person's behaviour? Today again from the minute i wake up she has been shouting at me. 9 hours in a row non stop. Always the same things over and over. If you had bought a house when I told you!!!!! etc... etc...

[bdoon]

Leave your wife...get a divorce and joint custody. I do not say this lightly. I stayed married to my wife so far for 22 years for the sake of my son. She abuses me verbally but physically as well. She has stabbed me , cut me, breaks things around the house and hits me with things. She knows in the political climate of the USA if I strike her I will go to jail. I have had to call the police on her. Other times she threatened to wreck the car we were driving in (she had the wheel) driving 100 miles an hour.She gets totally out of control. But when the police come they automatically assume she called the police. Unfortunately the abuse and arguments have affected my son. He manifests the same rege and anger she does. However he at least makes an effort to control himself now.She doesn't. I hate to stereotype but she is from Latin America and acts like her behavior is perfectly normal. The emotional anguish she has caused me is far worse than the physical stuff. I am amazed I still have my job after coming to work so many mornings completely disaggregarted by the strife. I recommend you leave her. She is passing the "disease " to the children and will continue to do so as long as you take it...as long as you are the target. Counseling will not change her unless there is action on your part....some penalty she will pay if she doesn't change. Without that she will never change. She gets all her frustration and anger out on you. You are her emotional "punching bag". I am finally starting divorce procedures against my wife but I deeply regret I waited so long. I see some one posts sexist comments about you...screw them...they probably don't have kids. Women hide behind the law. If the political climate and llaw wasn't there I would have no trouble dealing with my wife and I am sure you feel the same. The sexist comments are probably from pet owners who think dogs and kids are the same thing. They are not..I like my dog deep-fried with rice.

[jo929]

if you are talking to jetx save your breath or whatever no man or woman takes abuse for that long i never felt sorry for him i never thought he was much of a man to start with  jo

[alone and scared]

At first I was feeling sorry for you.  You ruined her life.  Point blank!  You need to let her go back to work and you stay home and watch the kids.  It's obvious that she is better at this.   Women have better instincts when it comes to life decisions.  

[jetx]

Your comments are appreciate it. You might be right. I am very stubborn but I feel that I have to give it a try. Thanks.

[jo929]

i see that your mind is made up and i do not think anyone is going to chane it .it would appear that you do not have any self confidence, also the children are still watching mom and dad and now violence ,sometimes one can be pushed to far and then what happens i really am worried you think you can make things right but you cannot turn the clock back and if you get to mad then think what you might do i still think a seperation for now might make you both do a little thinking as long as she has the upper hand you will just keep trying then i shudder to think what might happen i do wish that i could offer you hope on  the decision you made but i dont feel  that your way is going to work and yoy seem to be so stubborn on what you are going to do  so all i can do is wish you all the best

[jetx]

I don't enjoy the way things are. It's difficult to explain why I haven't left. For the longest time I felt I was risponsible for the situation that i had created so I took the abuse. Now nothing much has changed. I should leave but I can't. First of all I feel it's wrong for me to go. I take the abuse and hope that one day it will stop. I feel sad for the kids because they watch every scene. Yesterday i lost controll of myself and broke quite a few things in front of their eyes and then I grabed my wife and pushed her to the floor. I had been listening to her complaining and insulting for over four hours. I should have left and go for a drive but I didn't this time. I regret that very much. it's not the first time that i loose it. It's happen before once or twice. i have never been a violent person and now she can accuse me of being abusive. She can't stop herself. My family's wife have noticed that i have changed since I first met them. I feel like i have been fighting a war for years and wars change people. I have never told anybody because I feel it would be a betrayal to my wife. At the moment I can't see any other solution. I am working to make things right again. It might take me another six months or so. Then if the situation doesn't change I will give up for everybody's sake. if I could go back in time I would change many things. I fear for my future. I have never seen my parents fighting. My children are witnessing ugly scenes. i feel sad and trapped.