Aa
Relationship with abused person
My girlfriend just told me that some years ago she was badly beaten and raped. I really love her. But I feel unsure how to show my support and I am a little afraid that she might get scared of me when our relationship gets more sexual. We both feel uncomfortable to directly talk about it all.
Thank you so much for following up and telling us especially good news ,most times we don't hear ..glad you worked it out, shows it can be done if one cares enough...well done
We are together, and it has worked out very good. We just talked about everything openly, and waited some 2 months before doing it. And now everything is Ok.
Thank you for the further information , so how long did he do inside, a lot of times its just not enough punishment,its good she had some help and counseling to deal with it. It will take a lot of time to heal , you are dealing with it well ,just take it slowly let her speak out what it is she wants to tell you, in time she will come to accept that it happened and hopefully it wont affect your relationship which was one of your concerns..good luck
Yes, she had some therapy. And she have told me that she is, for example, afraid from dark places. I will try to let her show me what she wants. But I don't want to meke her think that I'm not interested in her.
BTW, that criminal was sentenced but now will be released some time next month.
BTW, that criminal was sentenced but now will be released some time next month.
Hi. I agree that taking it slow and being loving and supportive are the best measures. If you are thinking of her as a serious, long term girlfriend------------ I'd see if she has or is willing to see a therapist. Pain from a traumatic even such as that can surface down the road.
Example, someone may have trouble being physically close with someone due to ptsd-------- they then put a physical barrier between them and their partner . . . this could be by gaining significant weight. Have known people to gain 50 pounds the year after their wedding.
So, while I encourage you to explore a relationship with her------------- you should go into this knowing that she is fragile. I'd want her to do the work with a therapist to work through the pain of it and be ready to do so if signs of trauma resurface during your relationship.
I hope she is doing well. Mindy, thanks for sharing your story--------- I always think that is so helpful! Glad you've found a good man! And to the poster, your thoughtful inquiry shows you are a good man as well. Peace.
Example, someone may have trouble being physically close with someone due to ptsd-------- they then put a physical barrier between them and their partner . . . this could be by gaining significant weight. Have known people to gain 50 pounds the year after their wedding.
So, while I encourage you to explore a relationship with her------------- you should go into this knowing that she is fragile. I'd want her to do the work with a therapist to work through the pain of it and be ready to do so if signs of trauma resurface during your relationship.
I hope she is doing well. Mindy, thanks for sharing your story--------- I always think that is so helpful! Glad you've found a good man! And to the poster, your thoughtful inquiry shows you are a good man as well. Peace.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Abuse Support Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
The best way I can think of for you to show your support is not to be forceful or demanding and don't expect anything. Let her lead the way when it comes to sexual matters and again, let her know that you are there for her and let her know if she wants or needs to talk about it that you are there to listen (and not judge). Some guys look at women different if they know they have been abused and that might be part of why she doesn't want to talk about it.
It's a tough thing to go through and it's a tough subject to cover with someone you are in a relationship with. Be gentle and understanding and hopefully it will all work out. PTSD is hard too, if she ever is willing to talk, it might help to find out what her triggers are (what reminds her of the event). If she's never had therapy you can probably make some of your own conclusions, like she probably wouldn't like to be held down, etc.
I hope everything works out for you. I know it is hard for your, but remember it's hard for her too. I am with a great guy now, but I still needing to get into therapy to work through my issues...