"A Beautiful Life"

[Bubulous]

If you were writintg a book about your life, or drawing a picture of the climax of your life.  What would that climactic event be right now?

Time for reflection and compassion.  Think about all 4 if you wish.  I hope you find something inspirational and life, love, recovery, or after life affirming.  Have a great night.

[Bubulous]

LMAO.  I don't know what a cat collection looks like but it sounds creepy.  

I don't really care if I am ever in another relationship.  I think they are fun in the beginning but I have no doubt that I cannot make them last.  That is not my job.  I will always have to payy a lot of attention to my moods and my depression.  So much so that I am pretty sure I can never truly keep from pushing "normal" people away from me.

I have always been attracted to "normal" girls.  They are sensitive and give their love up easily.  However they don't know what to do when the real me breaks up with them on the weekend then cries Monday wanting to get back together  : )

However I will keep climbing that mountain and eventaully that very very last destructive relationship will last me the rest of my life....ha ha.  Likely because it will start about a month before I die.

[paying_it_forward]

Ahh I've been single for 2 years now (thought it was the right thing to do while dealing with all this crap)...not even so much as a hug from a guy in that time...so it's pretty safe to say that I've forgotten what it's like to be in a relationship... and I can't conceive the idea of really ever meeting someone and things "working out" (as in verbal disagreements not being a daily event)

I have major trust issues stemming from my first relationship where i got cheated on and the three following relationships lasted no longer than 4 months each.

I often got called controlling (i see this is from my trust issues now) though on the other end of the scale I've been told I'm every guys dream...(ha dunno about that)...

I have ISSUEEESSS

Addiction i dealt with just fine...but relationships...ha...totally different story :S I guess i have the thought of " who would want to be with me"....when you look at things on paper i don't sound that great....Previous painkiller addiction, previous depression, anxiety/panic attacks, anger issues/outbursts (which can involve punching walls and other solid :S well those things can be overcome...but the ADHD and all the crap that comes with it...well that doesn't just go away...

If i don't sort out these issues i have...I'll end up being the crazy cat lady off The Simpsons...

Notice how different i become and how my attitude changes when this particular subject pops up?...it seems as though i need to apply the way i think in other parts of my life to the way i think about relationships...(and perhaps not date younger guys....)

or perhaps i should just start collecting cats? hahaha :\

[Bubulous]

Any takers ladies?

You thought the addiction was hard.  Try a relationship with a bipolar guy.  I have been called complicated by the 2 main women I had the longest realtionship with : )  I think they summed it up pretty good.

*Warning*  This website does not endorse picking on bipolar individuals offended by Larry's statement should take into consideration the complexity of his emotions and mood swings.  
This message will self destruct.  Literally when you go back to the social forum it will disappear for a while unless someone else posts something on it.  I would like to know how many threads just diappeared.  The archives must look like the Bermuda Triangle.  I mean where do they all go anyway and who types everything that comes into their head....My fan is making a funny sound it sounds like woooo or rememrnem.  

[Bubulous]

I am trying to bring the romantic side of me back out so I can go ahead and self sabatoge my next relationship....lol.  I am about 3 for 3 now.

[paying_it_forward]

: ) good stuff ! : )

[Bubulous]

You have already made one in mine...lol  : ) xoxo

[paying_it_forward]

Yeah i only found out in March that i had adhd. I think being more conscious/aware of our emotions and the reasons *why* we might be feeling that way is very helpful. My adhd causes pretty big mood swings...sometimes all it takes is one little thing to trigger a strong emotion...and strong emotions cause the release of adrenaline and our bodies go into "Fight or Flight" mode...

I know with disorders such as both of ours we can quite easily get caught up in and focus the emotion we are FEELING at the time instead of stopping and realising that we CAN feel a different way. It might be harder for us and take a bit more work but we do have the power to change our thought patterns (though sometimes its hard to even imagine that it's possible!).

Self awareness a lot more powerful than i previously thought...

What will i invent? hmmm...haha probably nothing. But i'll be happy if i can make a difference to other peoples lives :)

[Bubulous]

What do you mean YOU creatures.  Just kidding lmao.

[Bubulous]

What are you going to invent?  : )

Thank you all for your posts and kind words.  Most days I do feel like it is a gift, but not all.

@paying_it_forward:  

I only just found out about my disorder about two months ago.  You are so right about the coping mechanisms.  Once I found out I was bipolar of course it made sense.  As soon as they told me I started working to combat my depression and I learned a lot about myself.  I am actually doing better everyday as I learn more. Thanks.  If you need anything let me know.

[paying_it_forward]

And sooo many well known inventors also had ADHD....it can be a curse and a blessing sometimes!

[paying_it_forward]

Even though we're having some hard times atleast we can finally put a name to it and not just feel like we're going crazy! :P I'm on meds for my adhd and they help a lot but it can get so frustrating when I'm in class and I'm trying to say an idea or concept i have but i just can't find the words to explain it! and over-thinking things when doing assignments is a major frustrater!

But with both of our mood disorders we will learn more and more coping mechanisms as we go along in life. At times when I'm not functioning as i should i still never give up and things do get better. I've dealt with depression, anxiety (which still pops up) and successfully overcome addiction so I'm sure i can cope with adhd!

[selfinduced]

I think you are both amazing and insightful creatures. BTW, Did you know that bipolar individuals are on average much more creative that the general population? OK, so thats just my take on things, but it seems so true. :)

[Bubulous]

I have learned a lot about myself in the last couple months.  I learn something new every day and I am excited that you are too.  It gives me hope that I won't get too exhausted and give up.  I founf out only about 2 months ago that I was bipolar and like you said I was like "well that explains it."  lol

I have gained a lot but am still working on the bipolar every day.  Meds are working to treat me a lot.

[paying_it_forward]

I would say I'm going through an adjustment/transitional period....

*222 days off Suboxone for a 2-3 year painkiller addiction (which gave me direction in life and towards a career i never previously contemplated)

*Approaching the end of my course to be a drug and alcohol worker

*Learning earlier this year at the age of 25 that i have ADHD...which explains a LOT. Still trying to work out "how i tick"....and i struggle with a lot of things...especially peoples lack or willingness to understand how much it effects many elements of my life

But in the past 2 years i have learned SO much and found the direction and purpose that i longed for...so even though it's been difficult i have gained a lot :) and have become a better person

[Bubulous]

Really I have them all the time because every day is different and crazy.  However, the climax to my life so far would actually be a religious one.  I have not always been spiritual, I dabbled in religion most of my life.  

When I was 15 I had a friend named Willie and he introduced me to church as I had never been before.  It wasn't something my family did or something I knew anything about.  This is the part that gets me....

Before I started going to church I was stealing, fighting, and basically just an *** to everyone I met.  I got saved on September 22 1996.  I noticed a month later that I felt bad about cussing or hurting somebody.  It changed my life.  I knew what sin was and didn't want to do it any longer.  Of course life happens and I did end up messing up quite a bit years down the road, but for a couple of years I would apologize for cussing.  

I also had my first manic attack shortly after getting saved.  In this complicated world I cherish that experience and would do nothing to take it back.  That is why even though I am not religious now, I love religions and people who go to church.  Within the cycles of life, that moment started my recovery long before I knew I would need it  : )

[selfinduced]

What a cool and deep question. I have to say right now, I'd want a religious moment. I've had the other 3 you mentioned, but not a real spiritual awaking of any kind . Have always felt I was missing something there. What about you?