what a wild ride

[bama88]

my mom is in rehab as of last night...and my emotions are all over the place...walking her up to detox last night and taking her drink out of her hand and pouring it out brought up so many emotions. it was like time turned back til i was 16...oh it was intense and raw...i remember being with my boyfriend and being on a date and she called his house...always told her where i was...and she interrupted my date and begged me home...i went home early embarrassed and mad about having to cut my date/teenage time short...i arrived home to finding her puking outside...my brothers and sister were young..in grade school..and i held her hair while she cried about her husband in a strip joint...once again i felt 14 and responsible...i don't know why..so today wAs very very hard...i don't know how i feel about my mother in rehab and my feelings....my other sister jordines mother..my deaf sister mom died in Jamaica from an overdoes.....she misses her mother everyday...now i am close to her..i never tell her how i feel about my mom..cause jerk mom was a crackhead...and she loved and misses her mom...and i don't know how to feel..jordine always tells me how lucky i am to have my mother alive....until Feb 6 i didn't see my mom for 10years...and i really needed my mother a few times....my mother broke my heart....once told me " nothing in the book says you don't have to love your child"....was she talking to me? or about Casey Anthony we were both watching? i always wondered about that...for

[rizboy]

wow bama reading that brought a tear to my eye.please stay strong youve come so far.take care.chris.ill meditate for your wellbeing

[littlebit667]

maybe it is not the same thing, but my mother was an addict, but it was a food addiction.  She was 5 8 (my height) and weighed 300 or more when she died.  She had been diagnosed with Diabetes 2 at age 60 and by 66 she died from a stroke due to the D2 and her weight.  She was never able to lose it to control the D2.  It affected me as I was overweight as well, but did not lose the wt. until I was diagnosed with the same.  In many ways her experience did help me lose it.  I did not want to die of the same thing.  I guess we all have to learn what not to do.  Wow, thanks bama..just had a learning moment.  Hope you are still doing well.

[missdetox]

Good morning... I just want to say my mother was an alcoholic... She passed away it will b 4 years in april... I miss her soooo much! I was raised by my family... She was always in the picture just not a picture perfect mother... U have to love her not her addiction! U have to b strong for u and her! Maybe she wants to start over... Just b there for her.... Its ur mom... Try to see if this helps??? If there was no her there would b no you! So pray about it and try to work through ur feelings sober!!! Good luck but u dont need it!

[minn66]

Hugs to you, bama. I can't say I know how you feel but I can offer support and prayers. I will be thinking of you and your mom today. I am glad you realize she is a trigger and that you aren't considering using at all. That is MAJOR!

[bama88]

thanks.i needed that...i won't get high....no pillS in my pesssion ...

[overopiates]

U seem to b having a positive affect on her.Maybe she is FINALLY realizing that if her kid can get clean and make a real commitment to sobriety so can she.Ur n a tough situation and I can completely understand how she is a trigger because truth b told my mom is a trigger for me.She is the person I first saw getting pills,she is the first person who ever gave me pills(actually as awful as it sounds she sold them to me,my friends,sister anyone who would buy them).B happy ur mom recognizes she has a problem(mine doesnt I hear on a regular basis how she isnt addicted I got to hear it today while she was saying my MIL has a problem BECAUSE she takes her medicine as prescribed which is dumb but sry this isnt about that).U need to hold strong and b confident that she is trying.U need to focus on u and ur recovery and try not to focus on her.I would say expect the worst and hope for the best with ur mom.Dont let her sucess or failure determine how well u will do or diminish ur hard work.It ***** to say but YOU get to set the example here not her.Do that by being strong,if she faulters u be the shining example for her.Let her know its not easy but its worth it,the easy way hasnt gotten her anywhere so she has to b strong like u.Ur doimg great.She is so blessed to have u after all she has put u through.Remember if she isnt well YOU have the option of not having her n ur life so u can continue to stay sober because u cant make her b sober BUT if she is trying u can b there for each other and n the process u can develope a positive relationship.SET BOUNDARIES,B FIRM,STAY STRONG

[bama88]

thank you...i just feel so small and young. and responsible...i always helped her hide her sick...i haven't talked about this ever...im not gonna use...she was a giant test.

[littlebit667]

Bama, when in pain we turn to the one we love the most.  She may have been a bad mother when you needed her the most, but apparently that hid a kind of love you could not see.  Not saying it is not crazy,  it is.  Why do we hurt the ones we love the most??....I have no clue, but human nature is what it is.  I was just thinking about my grandmother (maternal side).  She never told me she loved me (I lived with her from 12-18) but, I knew somehow she did.  Don't let her pull you down.  You have proven you are stronger than that.  Resist the pull.  

[vicki595]

It won't help Tanya...I promise.

You just have to feel it, make some sense out of it, accept it, then put it away!

Trust me here. Using will only make you feel like s h I t and you know that!

I'm going to bed now. Don't you dare make me lose sleep!!!       xoxo

[bama88]

sorry on phone well why did she come now?? why now when im clean..and sober..and went thru he!! alone? why did she watch me so intently? not saying anything but sitting close? and hanging out with johnny?...he's the one that talked to her...i didn't. i didn't know what to say...am i such a bad daughter?? this was a huge test...she's a trigger..and today even worst trigger and depression....why did she go to rehab here with me? the person she hasn't seen in 10 years? the one she hurt the most...please pray for me...i want to use...