Secrets are bad

[debsally]

My parter is and addict.  She slipped up last night and almost fell off.  It was stressful and hurtful and difficult.  I called my bible study leader who is the only person in the world I could call for help and support and prayer.  After I barely talked her into giving me her pills and I flushed them, she flipped out like you would not believe.  I stayed calm but it was really hard.  I gotta tell you, if I didnt have God in me, I would have left or it would have been a BIG brew haha, if you know what I mean!

Now I feel I am being punished.  Our Bible study leader is friends with both of us but I am closer to her right now because, unlike my partner, I dont have as many trust issues.  So my partner says that she is angry because I disclosed things about her personal life to a mutual friend...put her on blast...even though she knows this person is the only person I trust not to blab her personal problems or mine for that matter.  Now she is not going to Bible study tonight and is not sure she can continue having relationships with people at church, cause what if everyone finds out and it is all my fault because I told her.

Secrets are bad.  I cannot and will not make it through this if I dont have support for myself.  I learned that all from you here on this site. So my seeking support came at her expense?  That is bull sh*t!!!  Isnt this the purple elephant syndrom.  "We dont want anyone to find out what we are really like cause we are so ashamed, so we keep our family/spouse held hostage and isolated so we can continue in this behavior without consequence....."  or something to that effect!!!

Is this making sense???  Please advise.  Am I wrong here???  Is this just part of the relapse cause it seems like vintage addict behavior....NO OFFENSE PLEASE!!!  

Cause this woman thinks I should feel guilty for who I chose to confide in and now I think I am going nutts!!!!!

[debsally]

thanks you guys.  I need your honesty and to hear your stories.  It helps me make better decisions and not feel so alone.

Love you all!!!

Debbie

[LIZZIE LOU]

i "forced" my son davis into rehab twice...both times he failed.  it wasnt until HE took the bull by the horns, so to speak, that he was able to come to grips with his addiction.

dont loose sight of who you are and the wonderful things that YOU deserve out of your life.  it is so easy for us...the ppl that love an addict...to actually become addicted ourselves.  we become addicted to "the rescue"...we become addicted to addiction.  it doesnt take long for us...the one who loves the addict...to become a shell of who we used to be.  

sally gave the pills to you...the rescuer...but she basically did it kicking and screaming and has not been a happy camper since.  would it have made a difference in her recovery if she willingly handed over the pills and asked for help?  personally...i think it would have.

hon...i'm not coming down on you...i have kept up with this for quite a while.  i have been there...loving an addict...even though it is my children and not a spouse.  i almost lost myself COMPLETELY, and it wasnt until i put the responsiblity and choice back onto my children that i was able to let go.  it wasnt until i decided to rescue myself that i began to live again...addiction free.

[allaboutmary]

Sorry I just woke up. I re-read and see you caught this before she relapsed. Good job on flushing those pills.

[allaboutmary]

My opinion.......you have every right to seek support.  You are having to live with her addiction and need someone to talk to. Don't let her turn this around and make it your fault (us addicts love to blame others). I hope this is a short lived relapse. Hugs, Mary

[Totsie59]

It is so hard to keep a secret when you need help...only a few people know about my little secret...I am over 100 days clean...No one knew my secret until I was ready to get clean...My hubby was the 1st I told...I am still ashamed of what I let happen...But I do understand you needing someone to talk to, someone you could trust...Addiction does crazy things to us...Just know you will get much support here...Best of luck...hopefully things will get better..

[IBKleen]

Hi Deb,

It is good to see you and I surely wish it were under better circumstances.

I can see both side of the story.

However, if Sally truly wanted to get clean---she would shout it from the roof tops and not care who knew. That is just my opinion and that is how I did it.

There came a point when I knew I could not hide it anymore and I DID want help. I reached out to anyone who I thought could help me.

Sally has been going through this a long time and I think she needs to get honest with herself first, and then with others and put her hand out....I know you, and I am sure many others, will be there to take it.

God Bless lady and hang in there.