Anybody have some good jokes?? Keep it PG lol

[beatingthis]

Ok lets try to make this side a bit lighter what do you think?

I wish I had one that was OK to put on here lol!

Terry

[cattalina]

Ok I don't know if this is considered "dirty" in the traditional sense but it is pretty funny!  

Young David came home from school one day and found his pet chicken dead on the ground with his legs pointing straight up to the sky. When his father got home he explained that the chicken had died and his legs were pointing up to Jesus in heaven. They buried the chicken, and that was that.

Two weeks later when dad came home from work David ran up to him yelling "Daddy, Daddy! We nearly lost Mommy today!"

"What?" his father replied.

David said "When I got home from school Mommy way laying on the bed with her legs pointing up into the air yelling 'Jesus I'm coming, Jesus I'm coming.' If it wasn't for Uncle Terry holding her down, we woulda lost her for sure!!"

[beatingthis]

You are just a mess lololol!!!


I am still getting over the peanut one!

Terry

[outotown]

OFF COLOR!!!! IF YOU OFFEND EASY DONT READ
What do Germans call a virgin A GOOD-N-TIGHT
Why do Hillbillys go to family reunions  TO MEET GIRLS
What do you call a 11 year old girl in WV that can out run her borther  A VIRGIN
Why do sheep farmers wear tall boots with big tops on them  SO THE SHEEP CANT GET AWAY
What do you call a man with no arms & no legs laying in a pot hole  PHIL
What do you call a man with no arms & no legs in a pile of leaves RUSSEL
What do you call a man with no arms & no legs laying in front of a door MATT
If a rooster lays an egg on the peak of a roof which way will it roll off STUPID ROOSTERS DONT LAY EGGS,
I have 2 coins in my hand that = .30 cent one of them is NOT a quarter WHAT ARE THEY, if you dont know please send me a PM and ask
Same goes for this question, If I dig a hole 6ft wide 6ft across and 6ft deep how much dirt do I have in it, If you dont know ask me via PM
JUST ONE MORE
If I can buy a dozen eggs for .12 cents how many can I buy for a dollar, If you dont know PM Please

[outotown]

OK heres a couple more!!!
An older  pastor ask a young preacher in his flock to bring the message next Sunday. It was his frist time ever preaching and the church wa supposed to be full. On Saturday evening the young preacher called the older one, and ask how do you keep from being so nervous, the old pastor replied, the glass of water that I always SIP on is not water, but GIN. So the young preacher brought some Gin and put it in his glass before services began, then when he preached when he would get nervous he would reach for his glass.
  When the service was over he ask the old preacher How did I do?? Well the old preacher said, It was ok, but can I give some constructive crittisim, One Its not the big guy, JC and the Holy Spoke, and the water Jesus turned into wine was NOT Purple Jesus, and David slew Golith he did not kick the S*** out of him and I SAID SIP IT NOT CHUG IT

[outotown]

I was helping our pastor baptize, the old fashion way, in the creek. Well a drunk man came by and the pastor yelled out to the drunk, would you like to find the Lord. The drunk said yes, yes I would the psator said come on in, we put the man under and when we brought him ask we said did you find the Lord he said no, so under he went again, when he came up we ask did you find the Lord he said no sir I did not, so under he wnet for the third time and this time we held him under a little longer, when he came up we ask did you find the Lord this time he said no sir I did not, are you sure this is where he went in at.

[jollyman069]

here is a cute one

this ole country church was having there Sunday service and it was packed. Well the devil happened to walk by and saw that the church was packed and figured he could stir up the service. So he rolled into the service, a big black cloud and thunder roared when he ran in

well most of the peole ran, jumped out the windows, anyway they could to get away from the devil. At the front of the church was the pastor and a farmer.Well the devil walked up and said to the pastor I know why you stayed your preaching the word of God so I can't hurt you, but why did this farmer saty. The farmer stood up and said..don't you know who I am? the devil looks at him and the farmer said Heck I have been married to your sister for 40 years!!!!!!!

[beatingthis]

Good ones. Yup semi dirty is great too!!

Ok here is a semi dirty joke.

Why is pubic hair curly?

So it dosen't poke your eyes out!

[cattalina]

This is the only non-dirty joke I had - but I have some implied dirty jokes if they work too?


An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and planning to meet him there the next day.  When he reached his hotel he decided to send his wife a quick email.  

Unable to find the scrap of paper he'd written her email address on, he did his best to type it from memory.  Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor dead.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Your loving Husband.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

[refusingbondage]

I don't know why, but my 12 year old told me this and it makes me CRACK up every time I think of it..

Q: What do you call cheese that's not yours?

A: NA-CHO cheese..

LMAO

[beatingthis]

OHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOO!!!!!

[outotown]

I was at church sunday, its a small country church and has a tin roof on it. Well it came a bad storm while the singers were singing, then it sounded like it was hailing. So I leaned over to the guy beside me and said that sounds like hail, he said you think that singing is bad you should have heard them other singers.

Not near as funny as that frist one

I went with our pastor to visit an elderly woman in the hospital, there was a big bowl of peanuts there so I got eating them, the pastor and the woman talk for a long time as I eat the peanuts. When it was time to go, I reliesed I ate all the peanuts. I said im so sorry I didnt mean to eat all of your peanuts, She said oh thats ok all I can do is suck the chocolate off then.

[beatingthis]

lolololol!!!!!

[flmagi]

OK, Got this one from the readers digest, so maybe you've all heard it but here goes....

Two hunters are out in the woods, when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
"I think my friend is dead!" he yells. "What can I do?"
The operator says "Calm down. First, lets make sure he's dead>"
There's a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, "Okay, now what?"