Step Six

[Punkinhead75]

"Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character."
      Taken from The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions pg 63

A couple key words in here for me are "entirely ready" and "God remove".  I have a little story for entirely ready but I want to share on God remove first.  This step tells me that I can't remove my character defects however my ego tells me different.  In my experience I have found this to be true.  I can do things to stay busy to help keep my mind off them or play mental games with myself to try and stay positive but only God has been able to remove them.

Ok, here's my little story:

A few years ago I had trouble letting go of something my wife was doing.  She had been laid off for awhile and her unemployment was soon to run out.(She's in construction.)  Money was getting very tight so I tried talking to her about it.  I suggested she start looking for another job to help us get by.  She very adamantly refused and I got upset.  My mind was a mess.  I couldn't project anything good happening and I couldn't believe she was going to just sit there and let this happen to us.  After our conversation I went to a mtg.  When I got there a guy I know was already there.  When he saw my face he knew something was wrong so he asked me what up and we started talking.  He helped me see that the cause of my disturbance was that I was financially insecure, and selfcentered.  I had a way that I thought things should be and God had other plans. I asked about me getting a part time job to help out.  He then proceeded to call me the "problem maker."  That if I took another job I was only going to allow her to continue her behavior and that I should continue living the way I was.  At the time my life already pretty full and it would have been rea ltough for me to take on another job.  This was some pretty tough stuff to accept but I also knew that I needed to do it if I was going to remain sober.  So in that little session we spent talking we worked through steps 1,2,3,4,5, and were now at step six.  I knew what my defects were and I knew that I had to be rid of them.  I wanted to be rid of them.  I thought I was ready so I moved on to step seven.  When I asked for them to be removed I was surprised at how much they clung to me.  Over the next week I kept pretty quiet.  I was doing all I could to let go.  I could feel them slowly being removed.  It was like mom pulling off a bandaid.  She would pull and the skin and glue would pull along with it until finally it was ripped off. There would be pain during the removal but in the end there would be relief.   I guess my point is that sometimes our defects are not instantly removed and that we have to do our part by not holding on while God removes them from us. Thanks for letting me share .

[Punkinhead75]

get up there

[FassFeat]

Thanks again Punkinhead. I love these posts. I don't go to AA or NA, probably should but I really like the way you post these steps. I appreciate it.