Warning - rant - with friends like this who needs enemies?

[Sad_Woman]

I really need to vent right now. After I got outof oxys I let go of everyone associated with the drug. It was rough but the only way to completely break free. It's been pretty lonely lately but I do have one friend I kept in touch with because she never did it. She is the only non-user I've told about my history with opiates and my current taper on sub. This friend is going through a hard time financially right now. I've tried to help her as much as I can but she seems more interested in moaning and groaning about her situation then actually taking steps to fix it. Today out of the blue she texts me to ask me if I know where to get any oxys!! Evidently so she can sell them. I was like wtf??? are you kidding me?? After knowing the HELL I went through with them she actually had the nerve to ask me something like that? Well, for me this is the icing on the cake. No more will I bother with her. I can't believe someone could be so incredibly ignorant - especially a person who claims to care about me! I told her even if I could get them I NEVER would. I wouldn't want to be within 10 miles of them. And I told her dealing with them is dealing death to people..why would she want to do that. It just shows me she cares about no one else but herself and I cannot believe she'd stoop as low as to ask me that. Grrr...sorry just had to get this off my chest. I'm just beside myself right now.

[vicki595]

Oh...I'm so sorry you've been upset there...that bites. You know, it's really true: Non addicts don't always get it. It doesn't matter what you say.  My own Mother said in response to my telling her I was an addict: "Oh,well, just don't do that anymore". What???
Didn't you hear me???   LOL  To her it was just a thing you can "will" away...   I don't tell people anymore!!

So,you dropped even lower!! You meant .333 right?  That's great!  How do you feel?  

[dominosarah]

I think you are making a good choice by staying away.  We have to do whatever it takes to stay focused and continue in our recovery.  Hope you are feeling better today~~sara

[Sad_Woman]

Good point Dane,,yes I agree. Non users haven't a clue about addiction. I could explain it all day long (and with this girl I did!!) yet they truly don't understand..and I hope they never do because I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

I've decided to keep her at a distance. At a time when I'm trying to focus all my energy on getting through this last stretch of my taper I really don't need any negative influences or temptations around so I guess it's best to keep my distance from her at the moment.

Thanks for replying and I think you ARE strong, it takes a lot of inner strength to get out of active addiction and into recovery thats for sure.

[Dane74]

Not that i am agreeing with your friend, because she is completely wrong, but what i found out in my recovery from family and friends is that they JUST DONT GET IT!!!!  I believe that know one understands us unless they have been in our shoes before, now i could be native but so far this is how i have felt in my relationships.  Also, i found that non users think i am so STRONG, yeah right, if i was strong i would not have been abusing for many years.  So bottom line, i am just playing devils advocate here and say maybe just maybe she thinks you are so strong and really has zero knowledge on addiction.  Best of luck to you..Dane

[Sad_Woman]

I just spoke with someone else in recovery and he told me when his wife was detoxing her own sister tried to sell her pills! Jeez. Bad enough when your friends do it but your own family?? uggh.

I learned a lesson and instead of falling for her crap I simply shut her down. Nothing can get in the way of being clean. It has to be first and foremost even if it means discontinuing relations with a person I thought was my friend but who has decided to become an aspiring drug dealer :- / I hope for her sake she seeks other ways of fixing her financial problems. But for now I'm keeping my distance, I learned a lesson today - that there are people in my life who really don't care if I get clean and will even try and sabotage it. :( Best to keep them away as they are sick even if they aren't using.  

[Sad_Woman]

It is painful Sarah. This is a long time friend who I foolishly thought *understood* how badly the drugs affected me and I wasted no detail in explaining to her just how utterly devastating that drug is. Apparently it fell on deaf ears and she only pretended to get how bad it was. I cannot see how she could ask me that after everything I told her about it. Kind of a slap in the face. A real friend would not want me near the stuff let alone ask me to get it for them to deal! arrgh. She was the only one I let in on my dirty little secret about being addicted and now I'm sorry I ever did. If I'd thought telling her meant she'd try and get me to "hook her up" one day I'd have kept my mouth shut but at the time I needed the support andnever thought she'd pull this. Instead of looking for an easy way out through dealing she should try and do something positive to change (ie get off welfare and get a job!) but instead asks me to get her a drug that nearly ruined me?? I just don't get it. I think non addicts truly are clueless to just how bad this crap is but even in my non addict days I would never ask a recovering addict for drugs!!  Ah well, she got the message that I'm not her dealer, hookup etc. On a positive note I dropped today again to 3.33 (or so, hard to exact that dose!) but close enough. One more drop and I'm DONE!! =)

[dominosarah]

One of the discoveries i found when i got clean was who my real friends were and who werent.  It wasnt a real good feeling at times, actually it was very painful.  You have to take care of you now and if that means not associating with her then that is what you need to do.  You are what is important.  Hopefully she will pull herself out of this rut and do something positive with her situation.  Vent away.