need relationship help

[surfin]

I'm a 22 year old alcoholic, and I've been sober for almost 9 months.  About 5 months into sobriety, I met a girl in one of my classes, and we became good friends.  After about 2 months, she let me kiss her.  To my surprise, she let me have sex with her only a week after that.  After a few awkward sex sessions, we decided we would hold off.  My only sex experience was when I was drunk, so I felt inexperienced even though I'm not.  For the past 2 months , we still have been doing oral sex about once a week, and leads to me having intense mood swings.

From the advice of my sponsor and some older friends, I've decided to completely end the physical aspect of our relationship.  I told her today, and it was really hard for me. Our friendship is strong, but it feels like we should be together.  These sensations have been messing with my head more than I want this early in sobriety.  I feel dizzy and emotional, and sometimes on the verge of tears (I've never felt these emotions over a woman).

I'm posting because I want to see if the unbiased advice on this site might give me a new perspective.  I really don't want to stop seeing this girl, but I think this is the next practical step in our friendship(/relationship?)  I'm trying to put sobriety first, but it's hard...thanks for reading

[Punkinhead75]

Ralationships in early sobriety can be tough.  They can also be a blessing.  I was married when I first got sober and still am.  My wife was a major trigger for me and staying sober was difficult.  However it forced me to dig in and do the work necessary for sobriety.  When presented with a challenge we can either go back to a way that doesn't work anymore (AKA "my way")or reach out in a new direction which provides a little serenity and even happiness.  I can't say what is the right thing for you to do as far as your relationship is concerned,  please just don't drink or drug and work with those who have gone through it before you.  Learning to live life clean and sober means we have to live life clean and sober.  Strap in, let go and enjoy the ride.  Then share with others how you do it.  God Bless!!

[dominosarah]

She may not be exaggerating.  I would have a heart to heart talk with her about it.  Just make sure you take care of yourself first and foremost.  You are doing so good and i dont want to see you lose sight of what is important.  That doesnt mean she cant be a part of your life, just proceed with caution......

[surfin]

yeah, it's been really hard to be just friends.

that's a good idea, to be supportive of her.  i usually make fun of her for it, and assume she's just exaggerating.

[dominosarah]

Is she getting any therapy for that?  It's going to be hard to stop the physical attraction and go back to just being friends.  The oral sex is going to have to stop too.  I am happy to know she is supportive of you.  Could you be supportive of her with her addiction?

[surfin]

hey sarah,

ya that's the response i've gotten from almost everyone, that's why im trying to get it off my mind.

yeah she's supportive, and we talk about it.  she's not an alcoholic, but she thinks she's a sex addict

[dominosarah]

Hi surfin!!  Usually we are advised against having a relationship for the 1st year of our sobriety.  We need to spend the time working on ourselves.  Is this girl supportive of you?