trying to relieve my stress

[all_alone1]

So my mom invites us to dinner(you know my mom the drug dealer lol). So my hubby says yes to her and of course falls asleep when he gets home from work. Thankfully my youngest daugher angel is scared of her dog that she always says she will put out but never does. So my 4 year old made it very clear that grandma lied and doesn't trust her.  So to get to the point I am using that as my excuse for not going over and have her push the pills in my face.  I took angel to the park and am literally walking around in a circle around the jungle gym while my mom keeps calling and interrupting my typing this.  I am doing good so fa just 2 pills today and my limit is 3 and 1/2. The walk is actually making me feel really good athought the other parents are looking at me like I am a retard because not only am I waling around in a circle, typing on my phone I have been smiling the whole time.  Wish me luck for the rest of the day it is 5:24 cali time right now and my day doesn't usually end until after 1-2 am

[all_alone1]

Thanks but i am getting more symptoms. My hubby took us to lunch today and I felt like crap. My stomache was already feeling blah from earlier this morning. I did something I have never done before in my life. Dont laugh okay it is not funny- I used the public restroom to take a # 2. I have ony urinated in public before today so I was literally horrified. But I had no choice because my stomache was literally cramping up. My 4 year old daughter even looked at me in suprise because I never use the public restroom that way. I was praying that no one would come in while I sat there in my own shame. I know it sounds childish but i was totally emarrased. Thank god no one came in or I dont know what I would have done. I was so upset I couldnt even eat, I was scared it might make me go back to the bathroom. And on top of that my husband had an attitude about me not eating and took my cell phone away (which he normally does when I act wierd to make sure I am not cheating on him or something. So I am on the computer right now.) He might find my bookmark on my phone and find out I am on here. Oh well life goes on and I still have one pill left and hopefull I have the strenght to leave it in the medicine cabinet. He is at work right now and if doesnt bug me too much on our work radio I should be alright.

[ANewLife4Me]

Well done on the tapering!  You seem to being doing pretty darn good!  Homemade lasagna - yummy!  The hot/cold flashes are normal and part of the withdrawal process.  Irritating as all heck but normal :)
Glad you are feeling ok.  Keep up the good fight :)

[all_alone1]

Babies are asleep enjoying the quiet. Eating my homeade lasanga and watching dr. Oz on the dvr. Feeling pretty good right now.

[all_alone1]

I forgot to add I was really cold when I tried going to sleep literally shivering under a blanket. And that is unusual for me I am always hot(I live out in the desert lol). I have never experienced hot or cold flashes(I think) would that be considered a cold flash? Sorry for sounding stupid but this is literally all new to me and I just read a post about these flashes and it made me remember this morning

[all_alone1]

well the 1/2 pill didn't take the edge off so I too another half and feeling good. Was able to get up and take my son to school and felt even better when I got home. Little disappointed I had to take another half but am determined not to go over my set limit. I still am pretty proud that I had one whole pill left yesterday. I know it isn't anything like you guys going cold turkey, you guys are awsome. But I do feel good about not taking that last pill. To see it medicine cabinet set aside on the toop shelf made me smile this morning even though I wasn't filling great. And of course took half of the ones set aside for today.

[all_alone1]

Not too bad felt somewhat irritable and couldn't go to sleep that easily. Woke up twice resless. But now this morning I don't feel so good. I have this light burning feeling all over my body ecpecially in my back and neck my stomach is doing flips and the kids are not helping the are already whinning at me. I am tapering so I just took my first 1/2 pill for the day. My limit is 3 and 1/2. Yesterday I made it with 2 and 1/2. Hope to do the same today.

[mellie4]

How did your night go?

[all_alone1]

So I just got back home my hubby is still asleep(thank god), my two older boys are onn their computers and angel and baby anthony are eating and I haven popped anymore pills yeah me!!!! I am going to try not to even though I haven't reached my limit yet. Wish me luck.

[all_alone1]

Thanks guys you rock. I really need all of u.

[gonna_make_it]

Good luck, honey! I'm on night 7(from tramadol) and I'm feeling better. I'm hoping my energy starts to pick up...I don't want to be known as the pill headed mom either!

[mellie4]

Good job!  I'm sorry you and your husband are having trouble.  It's always easier if you have support.  You've got a problem, though.  Your mom lives near you and you're avoiding her.  How long can you keep that up?  You are going to have to have a serious sit down with her and let her know you appreciate that she's trying to help, however, she's not helping.  Let her know that you do not want to ever be on these again.  I think you're going to have to really spell it out for her.  I don't think she'd deliberately hurt you.  Maybe you'll have to make something up ... tell her you've suddenly started having a bad reaction to them.  (It happens!)  You have to make your sobriety the most important thing in your life.  You can't care for your daughter if you don't take care of yourself.

Glad you're feeling the benefits of exercise.  Soooo many people say exercise helps tremendously.  You can do this.  Keep staying hydrated.  Taper slowly and keep your eye on the prize!  Before you know it you'll have that natural energy back, too!!

[all_alone1]

So now angel and I are at the pool swimming. I wish I had her energy, her natural energy. God I don't want to be known as the addicted mother I am usually labled a milf lol just kidding. Just trying to throw in a joke at my own expence

[all_alone1]

Thank you it really means a lot. I don't have anyone my husband and I. Are not in a good place right now. He has hurt me a lot and I don't know if I will ever get over it. I know I will never be the same that is fore sure. So thank you for caring.

[littlebit667]

good going.  Do whatever you have to to protect yourself in your attempt to get clean.  Proud of you.