need some advise

[shimax78]

I've said my story before so here it is again with my question:  My man was on Oxycontin for only about 9 months, he says at most in 1 day he took like 6 80's(while getting a tattoo)  but other then that it was one or 2 a day and not everyday and he did cut them into little pieces blah blah he tried to justify it.  In January  1 weekend I thought he was high on meth or coke but found out later he was going through withdrawls from the OC.  He didnt tell me this till a month later and i swear the withdrawlas at worst were only 3 days and all totalled only lasted for maybe 5 days.   So here we are in June and I have seen little signs, thatjust keep getting stronger ,that  he has been on something.  He swears that since he came clean with me he has been honest.  There have been times when I have known about Oxycodones he got for his b-day but sold. and he did get a small rx from his dr for lortab 5s but traded them for methadone 5 and 10 and later flushed what was left ( not a lot).  Anway since being here i have found out alot and i have REAL strong belief he is not clean.
  How can be there to support him,again, in being clean and sober when he is still hiding it?  We are expecting a baby next month, i feel so strongly that i know whats up that i want to leave him but how can i when im supposed to trust him even though 90% of the signs are there?   How will he ever kick it if he is still lying to everyone but his "friends"?

Sorry im just confused.  I love him and want to be there for him but he is causing financial problems, fights with 2 other kids in the house,  aaahhh .  At the same time all this bs is making it real hard for me to not get my DOCs.

[GoingToMakeIt]

Keep posting. It really helps.

[shimax78]

He did go to 1 NA meeting, came home with the pamphlets and said he didnt need it. in one breath he says he's not addicted and the next he is asking me for help and attempting to go to a meeting.  Which by the way he threw in my face the other night while fighting syaing he went to the meeting for me.  ok if i felt i needed it  i would go or come here :).  I still fight the want for coke or meth and sometimes i feel like i want something to deal with him and all this.  I have asked him and pointed out the obvious, he just tells me to drop it, get over it and shut my mouth.  then the next day he is loving.  hhmm   i had the same mood swings when i was using.  EVERYDAY we fight cuz he thinks im trying to start something before i even get a chance to.  I dont dare say anything anymore for fear of a fight even though i feel i know what he is doing.  He tells me he hasnt "abused" in a long time.  He sees abuse as taking a bunch of pills at time or in 1 day to get high. So ok he's not abusing but he is dependant?  same thing kinda.  Still hurts when for this entire pregnancy ive had to pay ALL the bills and support this family and stand by his side to pull through it.  I dont want it to happen again. then i start to doubt my own strength.  if it werent for this baby or even my other kids..... wow. this site has truly helped too.   yah i have a lot on my mind.... thank you all

Yes only he knows.      

[GoingToMakeIt]

If you saw him go to the Dr and then get mad because he got a weak OPIATE. You are probably not imagining anything. My opinion is you are right on. Sounds like he has a problem.cocobean has a good idea. NA etc may give you insight on how to deal with this.

[cocobeanlisa]

I  can not say if he is using or not only he really knows the truth.

But I can share my past with y ou and maybe it can give you some insight.

When I 1st got on the pain pills I told my husband I wazs using them as RXed,
and at 1st I was.  When I started to abuse them he never knew, until I went
bankrupt and I had to tell him.  After that I got clean for a while (i really wanted to be
clean and believed I could).  HE supported me and gave me all of his trust back, well
when I picked up again it broke my heart to do this to him .  I am an addicted
and had hit my bottom (truley admitted to myself) so thats what I do.  I lie,
hide things.  Well here I am again detoxing and trying to do the right thing for
my family and he does not know. I have a feeling he did know when I picked up
thank GOD it was only for a week.

I would suggest a NA meeting or Alanon meeting.  Or maybe ask him and tell him
that you need to know for the baby.

And I think you know the answer to your question.  We addicts are not the most
trust worhty people, and yes I love to lie to my doctors.

cocobean
hang in there

[cathy5841]

i dont think you are over reacting.  call it womans intuition. lol  there is not alot you can do if he is not telling you the truth.  he has to hit rock bottom and get honest.  if you have been addicted you know that honesty comes with getting AND staying clean.  i wish you the best.

[shimax78]

another thing,  he told me he wanted to find adoctor he could be honest with anfd trust.  so he made and appt with the family dr. i went with him and the whole ride there he swore he was gonna tell about his "past'.  so we get there and he tells me to keep my mouth shut, doesnt tell the dr anything and got upset he only got lortab 5s instead of something stronger.  ok am i over reacting or am i really seeing what i think im seeing?