17yr old son in rehab got caught"cheeking"?

[tsands]

OMG! What next? My son has been in rehab for almost 2 weeks now and we were planning on a visit this weekend to see him and got a call that he is in ITU(intensive therapy unit) for "cheeking" and giving his suboxone to another kid, which made the kid relapse. What the heck? So, therefore, we have cancelled our trip and don't know when we will get to go. How common is that in rehab and is part of the addiction coming out? He got the sub taken away, but the counselor said he was almost tapered off. I'm really scared he may never be O.K. He also called a counselor a B.... when they put him in the ITU. Where has my son gone? It's killing us. W/O sub, could he now be turning into some terrible creature? I just don't know what to expect anymore. The counselors told us that he has no remorse and thinks he was doing nothing wrong! Will he ever leave rehab? The cost is going to drain us! (I have 2 kids in college).I know there is no cost for getting him help, but WOW!

[owhatamistake]

Awww...I'm glad I can help.  I know a little about this because I've walked the walk.  I did my time in rehab 20 years ago and learned enough to stay clean and sober for 18 years.   I really thought I had it beat, but after my mother died I started using again.  I truly didn't think anything could ever make me use again, but her death just did me in.....SOOOO.....here I go again.....and plan to get (at least!) another 18 years...and hopefully more!  Take care and keep us posted! :-)

[tsands]

There you go again, helping me out! Same goes to all of you other people who responded. Thanks a ton! I know I will get through this someday! It's people like all of you that help SOOO much! Take care all!

[minlb]

Making mistakes is part of rehab , i m sure your son will make it. I am glad is off subx, my friend has been on it for 3 years now(to get off vicodin) & he says he doesn't know when he'll be done. @ least they are dealing w/ him, not kicking him out. stay strong, he surly will need you

[owhatamistake]

He'll be fine without the family there.....he'll make friends and the facility and the clean friends will keep him honest....hopefully!   He'll be drug tested, he'll have to get a job and go by there rules...whatever they are.  It will be a safe environment that will help with the temtations on the outside.  When people leave rehab they are on is called a pink cloud.....they think they're cured.  An addict is never cured....that's why it's called being in recovery.  You know, you could visit him if he is in a safe house/halfway house if their rules permit.  Also, being away from family might help him grow up and be an adult.  Alanon and such programs (Narcanon, etc) will tell you that you didn't cause it and you can't cure it....it's up to him.  Why not speak to the rehab and the safe house and tell them your concerns?  I'm sure they'll be happy to discuss it and tell you if they think it's a good idea for your son to live in a safe house for a while upon his completion of the program.  Hang in there.....I KNOW how difficult this is.  My youngest son (20) almost got in trouble, but for the grace of God and me telling him and telling him (God, he hated the preaching) about ALL my past mistakes (and current ones) he got his act together...at least for now....and that's fine...NOW is all we have.  Good luck!

[PromisedLand]

my daughter was in a rehab where she learned this little trick from other addicts and ultimately was kicked out (she was 18 at the time) for smoking a cigarette.  She was (we thought) making progress..

Now...I know that smoking is harmful..I smoke myself..but in a situation such as this, preventing kids from smoking is, IMO ridiculous, particularly those 18 or above...given a certain time period for smoking does not seem to be that big of a deal, when they're wrestling with demons much stronger than a Marlboro..anyway,they kicked her out and there went that attempt at rehab...pot, various psychotropic type meds (snorting adderol), etc.

I hope the best for your son...this is the time in his life for him to get on the right track..

Jim

[tsands]

I am concerned about after care as well. There is a half-way house affiliated with this program. It's in the same state he's currently in and I fear that he's too young to be on his own in a state where he knows no one. I dunno. What kind of support will he get if he doesn't have his family close by? Too much to think about right now, but I know we need to.

[owhatamistake]

Oh that's good!  I am so glad to hear that! They will finally get through to him.....they really DO know what they're doing. The scary part is when he leaves....I pray that he'll use the tools they give him!  Is there any safe house connected to this program...a place where he can live for a time while he is adjusting to being clean on the outside?  He sounds like a pretty tough nut to crack.....but crack he will, I pray!  Please keep us posted as to his recovery.  The very best to you!

[tsands]

He can stay for as long as needed. They initally told us 30-60 days is the norm. I'm not so sure my son will be the NORM!ha. I talked to the counselor last night and they said he FINALLY broke down and cried and showed some sincere emotion. My heart is just breaking.. But not so much that I would run and rescue him. Thanks also road2recovery for keeping us in your prayers. Luv u guys!

[road2recovery]

Lizzie, and Owhatamistake are both right this is very common..And you have to try and get some counsouling for yourself..In my case, 30 days was not enough for my daughter...More like over 4 months...And yes the money put us back sooo much..But i knew that It was this or I would loose her ...
he is in the best place for him right now....MY prayers are with you and your family !!

[owhatamistake]

I meant your son's DOC may not be alcohol. Duh....LOL  Yes, you really must step back and let the professionals do what they do....and I know you know that.  I'm afraid it could be far from over as well...but, eventually it will be over.  Is this a rehab that he can stay in as long as necessary or is it a 30 (or 28) day program?  I know it's outrageously expensive, but some people (statistically, males) need more time than just 30 days.  I have three boys and but for the grace of God, there go I.  Hang in there.....good vibes your way.... :-)

[tsands]

Thanks! I know I'm jumping the gun, I need to give him more time to get all of the help he needs. I really appreciate your help! Man, this has been a crazy ride and I'm afraid it's far from over.

[owhatamistake]

Awww......how disappointing!  You're not a whiner...just a mother who's confused, heartbroken and terrified.  My friend's 20 yr old daughter was in rehab a month or so ago.  She got written up three times for doing stupid stuff like this.  The girl got kicked out before the time she was to leave.  She was in trouble for stealing her mother and step-father's credit cards, checks, jewelry and an expensive gun, among other things....ALL to get money for drugs.  The attorney told my friend and her daughter that it was BEYOND important that she complete rehab as it would help with her charges.  Well, she didn't finish and went to jail.....not clean.  It was h3ll....but she caused it.

Your son is right where he should be.  He is not the first nor will he be the last to pull something really stupid while in rehab.  As Lizzie said, the professionals there will know how to work with this.

Alanon is a good idea for you....your daughter's DOC may not be alcohol, but as they believe, a drug is a drug is a drug.......just try a couple of meetings....see what you think.  The people there have been through so much and are very wise and not judgmental.  Good luck!

[tsands]

I do need some kind of conseling! Is one group better for me and my situation than another? I feel like aa is for drinking not drugs. Right or wrong? I guess the key is it's an addiction! Thanks for your reply, I just feel like such a whiner...ha. I rely on you all for advice as this is a whole new world to me! Thanks!

[LIZZIE LOU]

this is NOT uncommon...especially when you throw a bunch of juvenile addicts together.

two weeks is NOT a long time...please dont expect too much too soon.  addiction is more than just physical...it is also a mental challenge to overcome.  the psychological part of addiction is, more times than none, worse than the physical.

"where has my son gone?"  into the depths of a hell called addiction.  

"w/o sub, could he be turning into some terrible creature?"  he is in the best place for him right now...let the professionals deal with this.  

i know that you are worrying yourself sick...been there, done that!!!!  MANY TIMES OVER TOO.  please get yourself to some alanon meetings, if you have not done so already.  you did not do this to him...this is his disease...and in the meantime, you need to take care of YOU.