Hiya, i hav never posted ion anything b4 but saw sum real support here, and am rather n dire need of sanity/sleep/serenity! desperate! I have been tapering off methadone after about 2 yrs or so, maintained at 75 for 2 yrs, did 1 mg a week for a month, then 2mgs a week for maybe 5 months, then stopped for about a month, returned back to 1 mg per wk. hav thus far never gone back up, got down to 20, been there for 3 months, going Fn CRAZY, real life has been hard year (house fire, flood, homelees, worse ****** sobriety in history, then my "HS swtheart died, od of course, also my 4 yr olds dad, major trauma, HUGE daddies girl etc.) but im rather used to ****, so I feel emotionally my ANGER/HATE/wanna kill a b is not situational at all, I feel like this is sooooo much hate n anger inside of me I feel like sum juvenile delinquent f. I feel like way more then sum avril lav f the world bs, I feel lik a lil PUNK ready to rip heads off (of humans, but equiv to punks n toads etc, lol) . I feel ter guilt cuz when my baby needs me most I am useless n crazy, when will this go away.??? shud I suck it up n do an increase?? I am NOT the er type AT ALL EVER, not n addiction nor now, but at times I think I shud go to psych er, hand em my kid (the LOVE OF MY LIFE!!) n check in. I cannot function lik this at all n of course hav zero support, I am at 20 n rd bout others doin sub trtment etc. im open to any anall suggestions PLEASE
thanks, sorry so long xxx