3 weeks. The next steps in detox....

[thewaz]

Three weeks kids.  That number feels pretty hefty to me.  Thank you to this board for getting me here.  It's been a very weird day for me.  Everything in life seems to be centered around sleep or the lack there of.  I know many of you are struggling with the same.  It is truly getting to me.  So I decided to be pro-active because non of the other solutions have helped me.  I the one who dishes out the hour-by-hour and day-by-day advice and that holds true for this.  Especially since so many of you pros have told me it's the last thing to kick in.

Yesterday I went to my therapist/hypnotist - Magic Mary.  We spent the whole session on sleep and anxiety.  Pretty amazing stuff.  I had been up since 1 am and although I was dragging, sleep still eluded me.  So we tried some mental suggestions.  It was pretty crazy.  Good crazy.  And she also planted that my body would remained energized for the remainder of the day.  It was.  She gave me a big bottle of relaxation bath salts and a CD by her on Inner Peace and self-hypnosis.  This isn't for everyone but I will tell you this was instrumental in my sleeping last night.  In case anyone is curious or interested or feel it may help you, here's the link:  http://www.learnoutloud.com/Audio-Books/Self-Development/Emotional-Development/Inner-Peace/24085

So I had a class reunion planning meeting last night that went until about 9.  So much laughter because they all get so distracted and off topic and I'm constantly yelling at them like a school marm.  Because we went to the Bahamas on our senior class trip, we are featuring a special Goombay Smash cocktail with lots of rum and good stuff. I should note, as a long-time pill user I stopped drinking years ago.  Well..I had a couple of those babies and felt REALLY good. Went home, took the bath, put on the cd and bammmmm..I was sound asleep at 10.  Then it started storming and my windows were open and one of the dogs went ballistic.  That would be at 1 am.  I was comatose.  But got up, closed all the windows, soothed Boris and that was it.

Today I went to my medical doctor for the first time since she cut off my supply in April.  She had no clue I had planned and succeeded at the detox.  It felt so freeing to spill my guts.  She knew I was struggling with this already and she knew I was playing the system.  Hence the cut off.  Wasn't the first time.  I would just go find another doctor.  But the game playing and manipulation and life-absorbing time all that takes is just not worth it anymore.

I told her about the sleep issues.  That although I felt Mary had helped immensely I was starting to panic about bedtime.  Anxiety at 4 am is crazy.  It's consuming me.  So she decided to prescribe Ambien CR.  I've taken Ambien on and off for a long time as a chronic insomniac.  But it's no longer working for me.  this is a controlled released form that not only gets you to sleep but keeps you there.  We're only going to start with a one-month prescription.  We talked about the fact it's MORE DRUGS but she explained how the sleeping portion may be 4-6 months down the line. She knows the high pressures of my career.  She feels taking a sleep aid is more important than anything right now.

I get home and I feel zoned out.  Maybe because my brain had been conditioned to sleep a full night and it didn't.  So I did some work and went upstairs to have a bite and said..oh I'm just going to relax for a little while and read.  That was at 11:30.  I just woke up in a fog.  This will probably screw me up for tonight but maybe with the prescripton it won't.  I'm on the fence on this one.  I'm going to try to stay awake as late as possible tonight.  Not take it until late evening.  I have my niece coming early tomorrow to spend the weekend with me and we have a lot planned.  I need to get through this.

I suppose what I'm sharing is we do have many options.  Many people have privately reached out about a form of massage called Reiki.  It is designed for exactly what we are going through.  I finally found someone near my home is a "trained master" and will pursue this next week to let you know.  We may just have to help the sleep process.  Herbals and OTC don't do a thing for me but I know some of you are having success.  Keep trying different combinations until you find a solution that provides you with a chunk of sleep.  

Mad love to all of you and continued success and joy and laughter in your journey....

[Fireby29]

Great news waz, do what you have to do with the ambien, just wanted to tell you that with me I am sleeping really well at day 38.  You might be surprised at how fast that sleep issue can turn around.  Great you came clean with you doc, I am looking forward to doing that with my new one . . .when I pick one.  

Bryan

[kyle505]

What? You're giving up the forum for a life? Well, enjoy. You deserve it. Let us know what being forum-free for awhile is like.

[Dixiechick72]

Hi sweetie. So proud of u!!!! Glad u got sleep. Feels good doesn't it!!!!  My OTC stuff has been working so I too am enjoying the sleep right now.  But so proud u have made it this far!!!! I can't wait to be where u are!!! U have overcome so much. I look forward to following ur journey. Big hugs!!! Mad love for u. So friggin proud of u!!!!;) xo

[Bones216]

Great to hear you got some sleep Waz! now go enjoy a yourself a wonderful weekend .
Peace my friend.

[thewaz]

Despite my strong misgivings about taking Ambien - and trust me I have them - I will tell you that I took an Ambien CR last night and slept for 9 hours.  I woke up with no anxiety, refreshed and ready to face a full weekend with my wonderful niece working outside and having some fun.  This was a critical step for me.  I have not felt this good since this journey started and I know most of my stress, anxiety and general malaise was due to no sleep. And I also know it is the last of "stuff" to come back to you.

I have no intention of depending on this pill to continue helping me sleep.  I can't go to pills thinking they help me when I know all we do is become dependent.  I won't ever go back to that point.  Tonight I'm going back to my bath, Magic Mary CD and see if that will work.  On nights where tossing and turning are a given, I'm going to take the Ambien.  The difference this morning is one thousand percent for me.

I'm not going to be around much this weekend.  I'm actually going to be busy from start to finish having fun with people I love.  But that doesn't mean I'm not thinking of all of you and will be checking in when I can.  Stay strong this weekend.  Remember your commitment.  Remember that you, too, will have a day like I'm living today. Alert and alive and breathing and filled with energy.  It is, hands down, the most awesome feeling I've experienced in years.  Seriously.  I am alive.  In so many different ways.  Stay Clean.  waz

[bama88]

Wow that went by fast huh??
Keep kyles advise. It's good.

Way to go.

[kyle505]

3 weeks already? My, time does fly when you're having fun. It's all down hill from this point. Just pay attention to the voices; watch the temptation, especially in stress situations...but you know all this. I'm very proud of you.
Many congrats.

[ImDONENoMore]

I gotta tell ya waz be super careful with that ambien.  It's good that you've reconnected with your Dr. but it's super easy to trade addictions right about now and I'd hate to see that happen to you given all you've accomplished so far.  This is a really long battle - as I'm sure you've surmised by now.  But I promise you it really does get better with every passing day - even without the sleep, you're body actually is healing.

So hang in there - the ultimate goal is to get by without any chemical help so keep your focus on that okay?  I think it's great that you're posting your experiences here because it's going to help a lot of people.  (me included - even to this day - almost two years clean - I still look for inspiration wherever I can get it.  You can never have TOO much inspiration right?  lol  :)

[Julia M Aharonov, DO]

Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Stay on it and stay strong...