5 days clean at midnight...I miss being high

[DrsFlower]

So both swims almost 5 days clean, he taking small amounts of subutex.. I thought withdrawls were supposed to be worse than rest of opiate free journey.. But I can't stop thinking bout drugs.... Ill always have my Mary . But my head trying to make devious plans to find something diff... Although I'm starting to notice things I haven't in a while.. Listening to wind. My garden, waking up 5 hours before work instead Of 30 min... But I'm so tired and said... So drained after work ....

[WODAgirl]

FALSE! In my experience. It includes opiates, and can be relatively strong....plus, it stays in your system longer ( from my experience). Coming off suboxone was harder for me than pills. That's just my experience.

[Jimmy1975]

Hi Weaver , can you tell me why doctors are under the impression that Sub is a good drug to give opiate abusers ? Is it really that much stronger ? I was told the matrix of Subutex was not supposed to do anything but ease withdrawals and not get you high . True or false ! Thanks , Jimmy

[DrsFlower]

Just for today: I will enhance peace in the world by living speaking and acting peacefully on my own life

[weaver71]

11 days and going strong. So glad you are getting out. It's scary how opiates sneak up and take over. Then we need them to feel normal and normal doesn't exist any longer. Hope your husband is okay, bone disease is intense. I have a friend with a kid who has swiss cheese bones. He's 17 and in a wheelchair. Luckily, he doesn't like the way opiates make him feel, so he has to deal with a lot of pain. Sorry your husband has to deal with bone disease. I have had to make some major adjustments to deal with my pain, but the pills stopped working years ago. The energy, sleep, and other natural functions will return. Give time. You are moving forward, keep us posted.

[DrsFlower]

Husband has bone disease .. Had script.. Started taking some buying more.. Just made me feel unstoppable at work, I'm trying very hard to find motivation to clean the house.. Is different now I feel so drained at work.. Yea Ativan and lex was first before op.. No insurance, lexapro was scary.. Honestly should still be on Ativan only take for panic attack.. But Mary been enough:) 11 days today!

[weaver71]

Yeah, I understand, I live in a small mountain tourist town, I think that's why I like the addiction counseling best. You can smell it on the other side of town when I fart. So, did you use lexapro or ativan, before you started taking opiates? I'm not harping on the Mary J, but I feel it's important to start over with a base, YOU. I don't know your story though, I just know that the first 90 days where a lot of ups and downs. Going through that totally sober, gave me a base me to work from. In my meetings, they say I broke my sobriety for having 2 beers at a birthday party, but I reminded them that I don't collect chips for clean time, I only count today. So trust me, I understand that you are going to have to do what works for you, but what do you think led you into opiate addiction?

[DrsFlower]

Thank u for your wisdom.. No aftercare.. We work in town .. Nobody can know or see us, (at na or anytging)plus right now working all night (tourist town) waking up right before work... So I guess our after care is spending the $ we make daily on groceries at Walmart after work or put in bank.. And that alone is exciting.. What the $ we were spending can get us.. And my plants miss me I hope to soon one day start waking in the am to go outside :) and I will always have Mary, I do that instead of lexapro and Ativan .. So to me, including Mary, I'm drug free :)

[weaver71]

It's hard for me to say using any mood altering chemical is a good idea. Where I live, herbs are just that, herbs. I don't have an issue with people using Mary J, if I did I would have to move. For me, I was a pretty hard core methadone addict and anything that altered my brain to be a stumbling block. Finding out who I wanted to be, forming an idea of what my normal is, and taking a thorough fearless look at myself where the keys to my recovery. Drugs had become such a interwoven part of my life, it took %100, as much clarity as possible to invent the new me, and find a Higher Power all that same time. It's a lot to take on and live daily life. Stopping drugs was only a small part of the whole recovery process. I had no feelings for a long time, and I was supposed to believe it something. My faith, love, enthusiasm, and general sense of purpose slowly grew from the ashes of this burn-out. I was told I only had to be willing to believe, I didn't have to really pick a specific Higher Power. I taught adult Sunday school in my twenties, but hadn't felt the presence of God or anything but anger and frustration for years. Anyway, that's what I think about the Mary J Higher Power. I think I would have been okay for a little while using herb, but ultimately, I would have had to quit that to feel as good about myself and life as I do now. Are you in any aftercare, counseling, AA/NA, church, anything? I personally like group counseling with an addiction counselor. By seeing and knowing people with more or less time, helped me to see what I wanted to be. For me,that's the real question, What is my ultimate goal in all this, and what will get me there? If it doesn't make me a better person, just makes me feel good, it's not taking me where I want to be.

[DrsFlower]

Sadly I don't know who I want to be, but I do know who I don't wanna be. Which is being a thief or user like my mom. 11 days clean today.. Find it joyful to spend what we were spending every nite on drugs at Walmart and etc.. :) Mary j staying good to us.. So been trying to find higher power was reading na book.. I'm not religious .. Can Mary j be my higher power?? Sounds silly but I mean be loyal to her and use no other drug??

[weaver71]

I won't say I didn't have some good feelings and times on drugs, but I used up my share and then some, quite a bit more. It took a long time to say goodbye forever to my sidekick, Opiates. It felt like a family member had died, and I could never be with them again. That being said, the drugs never gave me the feeling I get when I watch my kids sleep or receive a reward. Drugs could not give me the whole hearted peace of mind and respect in my community, or even a good feeling first thing upon waking. The drugs really turned out to have not been as great as I remembered, clarity is so much more rewarding and has so much more potential for a good life. Hang in there, you can and will get through this. Visualize the best person you could be, in the perfect situation, it will come, just by not using drugs. People say, "I would do anything if....." but when that one thing is not use, rationalization sets in. Most addicts are very smart and persuasive, especially in their own minds. Trust those who have been there, find out why they all say it just keeps getting better. Who do you want to be, what are your dreams?

[DrsFlower]

I miss so much the feeling years ago before first time ever high ... I'd do anything to get that state of mind back.. The only thing easy right now is what you all said thinking bout the future. Been having terrible drug use dreams.. I wake up and it's so exciting to remember hey your 1 week clean!

[FourJays]

Hang in there . . it will take a little time, but you WILL feel better.  These are just symptoms, and they are temporary.  Just want to offer u some support and agree with all of the above . . take one day at a time, do what you can to make yourself comfortable for now.  Try not to think so much about how bad you feel now, but instead think about how awesome a clean and sober life will be . . and it will be.... you can do this :))

[vrgrrl]

Keep it going...I'm 13 days past the fentanyl and while I don't feel like I need or want to go back on it, I'm just wiped out physically and mentally. I'm just babying myself now and just anything I can get done is cool right now. That's all I can do right now and that's ok.

[weaver71]

I totally agree 100% with richart. 20 days for the subs to get out of your body, and in 10 more days you'll feel much better. Ride it out from right now. Good nutrition and moving around as much as you can is all the medicine you need from here. Let the clarity come back take back control of your life. Don't focus on how you feel, but focus on who you want to be. You won't regret it.

[ricart70]

It will take more than five days for you to feel better mentally.Your brain has to adjust to the new situation it has now found itself in.In 20 days you will feel alot better in 30 even better than that.It will not always be like this .Just don't use and allow yourself the time it takes.This is where most people,including me in the past,make the mistake.

[DrsFlower]

None for me. Guess one for him do 8mg... But piece by piece not all at once.. When perscribed were taking 2 a day

[weaver71]

Ha! It's amazing how much easier it is to hold onto money, isn't it? I'd be retired if I could have all that money back. So you're taking 1 a day, do you mean one tab/film, or 1mg? An 8mg sub is way stronger than 8 hydros, it's like 30 - 10mg hydros, or more. That's why I wanted to caution you, and many doctors do hand out subs like Halloween candy. If you don't take the subs long, it should be okay, but I would still taper them down. What's your over-all plan?

[DrsFlower]

1 a day.. But  that's gotta be better than 6-8 hydro 10s .. And we're gonna wean it down ASAP . ... Cause already know some docs are dirty and will right subs for you forever.. Just a few on hand anyway, gotta make those work/last.. No no aftercare... Unless spending what used to be pill $ on stuff we haven't bought are selves in awhile counts.. :)

[weaver71]

Withdrawals get worse, when one stops taking opiates. Subutex is the second strongest opiate on the market. One mg of sub is equal to 40mg of morphine. You say a small amount, how much is that? Please be careful. Any mood altering substance, even natural ones, can make the road longer and much more bumpy. On the other hand, glad you can hear the wind, see the garden, and wake up feeling okay.  Do you have an aftercare program? AA/NA, counseling, church, or some form of personal support helps a lot in those first 90 days and continues to be helpful after that. It will just keep getting better and better, as long as you stay clean and keep working on being the best person you can. Congratulations on a fresh start.