Day 14 and I was hospitalized due to being awake for the last 5 days straight. I felt exhausted yet wide awake if that makes sense. I started having hallucinations of black dots with legs running down my arms and on my bed, I saw bolts of lightning, colours and weird shapes. I thought I could hear whispering but I could never make out what it was saying and finally I broke down and started screaming and crying 4:40am to my BF begging he take me to the hospital before I do something stupid.
The Doctor said I had serve sleep deprivation and anything they gave me would not put me to sleep. In the hospital the A&E Doctor gave me 10mg IV Lorazapam, it did not put me down. In-fact it made me feel like I was in a space suit and was walking on low gravity. My speech was slurred and I couldn't read things correctly.
I started getting this horrible ice water feeling down the back of my head to my neck and finally it slowly reached my chest. It was like I could feel cold water running through my veins or nerves. Next I was given 3 25mg Seroquels which are anti-psychotics, still I was not going to sleep. The last 2 options were to give me 160mg of Codeine (which I just spent the last weeks of hell coming off) or they medically put me to sleep which they really didn't want to do.
160mg of Codeine was administered IV and within 10mins I was fast asleep and didn't wake for 12hours.
The hallucinations have stopped but I feel 'Meh' I'm not sure if that's the Seroquel doing it but I am worried about withdrawing all over again. I can take all the physically withdrawals fine but as soon as I don't sleep for days I lose my sh*t completely.
P.S I have not once craved pills since I stopped taking them 14 days ago and even after they gave it to me for sleep, no craving for the drug at all.
Day 9 the Zopiclone made me incredible sick and I had intense muscle spasms 100x worse than RLS, it was like my legs were convulsing. This stopped after 12 hours and was the worst thing I've ever experienced. I constantly had this metallic taste in my mouth and I spent the day vomiting/diarrhea with the sorest stomach.
I was also on a Clonodine patch which started making me faint today. I think returning to normal I already had low BP. I ripped it off immediately and felt better.
Mentally I haven't craved pills since beginning of CT and still haven't. The thought of my legs going through what I experienced still scares the sh*t out of me and I will not take any medication offered and let my body detox itself.
I still haven't being able to sleep more than an hour at a time for 7 days now but mentally I feel strong and will see this through. Ah the thought of snuggling into bed is all I want and drifting off to sleep.
Hey Ses, thanks for the support =D
I have a job interview coming up and I realized this will be the first time in my working life I will be without pills and it's kind of scary because when work got too much I just took a handful and felt everything will be ok! o.o
Good luck Jordan, I needed to go CT as well, if pills are in the house I would have taken them, no way I could taper down, the first 3 or 4 days are the worst feels like you have the flu but gradually improves after that. I'm at day 9 now and the only thing still lingering is the insomnia and a little restless leg, try bananas for the RLS the potassium helps calm it a bit, I bought some yesterday and the RLS definitely decreased
I've also started eating a lot of SweetTreats hard candy and I've never eaten candy before. I go through about 3 boxes a day... O.O
One thing I've noticed not having pills anymore is I wake up really early and I HAVE to do something or it drives me nuts.
Sorry it's not Klonopin it's Zopiclone 7.5mg. He's prescribed me 10 but I'm kinda scared after reading it's side effects on the net.
The people at CADS wanted to put me on Suboxone and I said no way! Day 3/4 of CT and the Doctor has faxed through a Rx for Klonopin. I'm not sure if I should take this even though I haven't slept for a few days now.
Hi Jordan, sounds like you are doing well! Don't be surprised if you feel a bit worse in the next few days! For me, days 3 - 5 were the worst of it! Everyone is different, though so who knows! Please let us know if you need any advice or support! Stay strong, you can do this!
I'm actually not feeling that bad today. The usual hot and cold is going on and the restless leg is playing up but I’m not craving the pills.
congrats on getting rid of the pills! that's awesome! yes you can do it! just tell yourself you have the flu....that's what people told me..few days of feeling rough is SO worth having your life back! stay strong and keep posting when you need to! we are here for you!!
OK so I’ve gotten down to 12 pills from yesterday and I’ve now gotten rid of what I had left for the taper because I want this over with sooner rather than later.
Going CT from 12x12.8mg pills will cause me some discomfort but I am going to do this!
yea i hear ya about the meetings....that happened to me years ago....i was at a meeting and they actually told me i didn't really belong there because i wasn't a "hardcore" addict like the rest of them....i was like wtf?? i've had a bad attitude since then....but i'm still trying to make myself go to meetings...give it another try....
try not to let what other people say get to you like i did....you're in it to win it....so am I...so we can't let that deter us from our goals...stay strong and hang in there....
I’ve been attending NA meetings and all it has taught me is my addiction is nothing compared to some of these poor people. Heroin addicts, Meth and Crack addicts. They kind of look at me like ‘wait so your only addicted a couple of Codeine and can’t break it?? Uh huh! It makes me feel sad and useless.
Though my partner is supportive he was able to quit his 13 year smoking habit like it never existed in the first place. He likes to throw this in my face on occasion and say how weak and pathetic I am being.
and there are ways to control the anxiety....i do deep breathing exercises....breath in and out really slowly....and concentrate on one sound in the room...try that for a few mins and your heart rate will slow...and before you know it, the anxiety is lessened....
yes nights were the hardest for me....only so much tv you can watch etc....i'm so glad you have someone that can help you with the taper and is there for you for support.....that's great.....just post here when you get anxious or bored....anxiety was a problem for me too and I thought the no sleep thing was going to be the end of me....BUT it got better...as time goes by it will get better....you are doing great....just keep posting and reading the boards here....it does help
I've given the pills to my partner who gives me my taper dose each day. I thought I would be craving them real bad but the only thing I feel is this extremely rushing feeling through my body like I'm about to have a major panic attack. And little things set me off in agitation.
My partner has been keeping me busy by taking me to the movies, the pools, walking in the park and playing video games. Sleeping hasn’t really been happening but I expected that.
I think the biggest problem at night is trying to find something to do but I just feel like MEH and lost all interests in my hobbies I used to love.
Every day he praises me and the look of hope that I can do this in his eyes is keeping me going.
just stick with the taper and you will be fine....if you see that you want to take more than you should, then it might be better just to jump and go CT....that's just my opinion....that's what i had to do....i didn't have the discipline for a taper plan...if they were there, i'd take them.....just keep posting if you have any questions and let us know how you are feeling etc....we are here for you and want you to succeed in getting clean! we can help you get thru WDs if you let us.
Thanks for the reply
I’ve tried going CT twice in the past but only managed 48hours before no sleep and the restless leg did my head in. The 1 Taper I did in the past I managed to get down to only 6x12.8mg pills daily but then all of a sudden was made redundant at work, lost my lovely apartment and had debts piling up. I just couldn’t take the stress and started eating pills like mad.
CADS told me to do it slowly like I did last time. Unfortunately my doctor wouldn’t give me the amount of Codeine needed to do this process. He wanted me to come off within days which I said is not going to work and even CADS agreed with me and he won’t listen. The Doctor thought the Valium would help but it does nothing to me.
Because I’ve been blacklisted from pharmacies I’ve had to ask a friend to buy me the 4x 30boxes needed for my taper and I feel like a complete a**hole, except he fully understands and is here to support me by surprise.
I am disciplined enough to do a taper. I want to travel overseas with my partner and wouldn’t be able to with an addiction holding me back and besides, I’m so very tired being trapped in a cycle of addiction.
Hi Jordan....welcome to the forum! We can't give taper advice here on the forum....but did the people at CADS give you any advice on how to taper? i've always heard slow and steady...i couldn't taper off pain pills....if i had them i would just take them....so i flushed all i had and went CT.....but that's not necessarily for everyone.....but MANY have done it off a high dose as well but not saying you should. Just know you can get thru the WDs and with help from here we can tell you what you should get to help ease them a bit....even with tapering you will have some WDs anyway....so you will still feel some sort of symptoms, it's just drags it out a bit....that's why i wanted to just jump and not take anymore...if i'm going to feel bad, i wanted to get it over with sooner....plus i had to get back to work and couldn't be sick at work. Best of luck to you and know we are here to support you whichever plan you take!! please let us know how you are doing! Check out the Thomas recipe at bottom right corner on this page....and we can also give more hints to make it a bit easier....Just ask, we are here.