its been over twenty days of no oxie

[bama88]

I have need to say thanks to everyone. I am twenty days of no oxies. It was a huge battle. But I'm on the other side. I feel so much better. I can think. I don't have such huge mood swings. I did have to take some meds for pain. Another blood clot with my knee replacement but only on a need to basis. I took four out of forty eight. And I got them last week. It was h*** knowing I had to cancel a script but I did. If I can quit so can you. I have been pilled up for six long years. I fight everyday. But I live to fight. I'm glad I never gave up on myself. I had so many dark days but the clouds are breaking. This is the hardest drug to stop. It makes cocaine look easy. But I am clean

[bama88]

Guess when I told him this was the new coke in pill form he got it. What I mean is we are addicts.

[bama88]

Hubby is on day three. I'm so proud. We had such a long talk yesterday about drugs. He told me he's proud of me. And me of him. We talked about life before pills. We talked about me on oxies. We talked about the screaming I would do when I was out. I was a monster. The b word would be mild to my temper when I was out. I remember screaming and screaming at him when I was out. Wow I was rotten. Everything I didn't like id go off on the person. I  am so glad I am getting the real me back. I don't scream or shake. I would hate his voice when I was out. He didn't know what to do except share his to calm me down. Poor guy. Thank god he loves me enough to.know that wasn't me. He's using his nasty voice today. But I know its the drugs talking not him. I don't take things so personally now. I refuse to plan my.   Life around a stupid pill. I planned everything around them. Shopping cleaning work. Anything. He's seeing the light. We spend close to a grand on the streets a month plus what doctors rxed us. Isn't that such a waste of money. We've got good jobs so we could do that. But I want to save some money. We are gonna treat yourself to a vacation or new furniture this week. Guys he turned down pills Friday when he got paid. I gave him a big hug and kiss when he told me. I know that was so hard for him. He used to buy 30 to 40 roxys at a time at 15 dollars a piece. Talk about expensive. But he said no. Guys that's a.  huge step. That's up there with flushing for him. Please pray for him. Hes so weak now. He dosent want me to. leave his side. I won't I'm off work today.

[vicki595]

Blessings to you both. It's all good, just stay strong!!

[Ballgame]

Congrats!
But I'm worried about you since you and your husband have addictions. Stay strong and congrats! Great news

[dominosarah]

Congrats on your clean time!!  Always keep that guard up!  Sending strength to your hubby also, he can do this!!

[Dane74]

So happy to see you back, and more importantly so proud you made it this far!!!!  Girl, we were all so worried about you, dont leave us again like that..LOL

[bama88]

Update. Hubby is now detoxing. I guess I had to jump first. We do everything together. When we developed a coke habit he jumped first. He stayed strong. Now the tables have turned. He's in bed going on day two for him. He's in so much pain. He jerks and jerks. He jerked me awake last night. We talked about how much more money we will have now. I'm excited about that. I just hope he stays the course.  He's scarred. Big tough men get scarred too. He always told me he didn't have the problem. It was me. I was the pill head. Ha he's one too. He's out of meds and we won't go score anymore. I am glad I jumped first even though it was torture watching him buzz around the house. That was the worst. Sundays are not good days for me for some reason. After.working all week I'm spent. My pain levels are too high still. But I won't get sick again. And watching him makes me realize that. Please pray for bamas hubby. He's a good guy 99% of time. The pills changed us so much. I hope we can find some normal again.

[vicki595]

You definitely deserve new lipstick!!

[bama88]

And I treated myself to haircut and lipstick. Hmmm. I know someone would get jealous of new lipstick.

[bama88]

I smiled today for first in a long time.

[bama88]

Here I am. Yes I'm here for roll call. Drum roll please as I enter in room. Lol. I thought I wouldn't make it kitty. Oh I'm glad I did. Even if I had to take a few tabs. But giving my script to friend at work was the best decision I made. She asked me more than I asked her. I got in so much pain from blood clots I couldn't get out of my chair. Really. It was embarssing. And all my coworkers forced me to take just one that day. My team figured out my problem. People aren't as dumb as we think. They see the problem before we do. Thank the good lord for good friends

[Bkitty]

Bama!! There you are i missed you!! Congrats on the clean time! So happy for you!~Bkitty

[bama88]

Oh I've had them already. I was ready. Thank the lord I knew about them. From what I read and na people told me it will take me at least ninety days to feel decent. I still wake up sweating and coughing. I hate the coughing. And then the vomit. I finally talked in meeting.  I crave like a kid craves candy after trick or treating. But I will not go down. I will not detox from beginning again. I know I'm not technically clean 20 days because of tabs but to not take oxies for me was like a fish out of water. It's not natural. But somehow the lord heard my small prayer of stopping the devils candy. It's refreshing to know I finally have myself back.

[CATUF]

hi bama,

good deal on 20 days!  be on the lookout now for PAWS (post-acute withdrawal syndrome).  it was PAWS that kept taking me out time after time at 25-30 or 50-60 days.  i had no idea that PAWS was just a very normal and trmporary set of symptoms that only felt like hitting an impassable brick wall and i relapsed too many times to count (just when i thought i was FINALLY FREE).  

however, once i knew what PAWS was and made it through a time or two without relapsing . . . understanding what was going on, knowing that it wouldn't last, that it was a part of healing, that every time it hit signified another quantum leap into a higher orbit slightly further above the black hole of active addiction.

Google (richard smoker paws) for one good piece on PAWS and (gorski paws) for another.

Don't change your clean date, no matter what.

CATUF
2384