AHHH

[prettywings1031]

Ok, My boyfriend who im am absolutly in love with and so blessed to have in my life has suddenly picked up an addiction to roxies/blues.  actually i cant even call it an addiction just yet becase its a new habit and not used regularly, YET. i know the drug and i am familiar with it, even though i never tried it myself i have lost alot of friends to it. I know he is playing with fire right now and it kills me, he has already starting with the lies and the money issues and although when he is on them i can tel becuase i know what to look for, im trying to figure out a way to help him stop before he REALLY starts (and thats saying IF its not already too late) i have a great paying job, we live in a beautiful house, and the man i know is fading. he even told me that he was doing pills oocasionally (which i already knew) and told me to help him out by basically "babysitting" him. going everywhere with him, and i didnt mind that because i love being in his company when he is sober. but when he is on it he is a maniac. his temper was borederline unbearable before, but ever since this started its been worse. Not only do i want him better for HIM, but i NEED him better for me. Basically what im asking is to all of u who were previously addicted or currently are. besides LONG talks about how much i love him and hate seeing him high.... what can i do? or what can i say? this is an opportunity to look at it from outside what ur used to. u dont know me but i cant stand watching him hurt himself anymore, and i know its only going to get worse. so whats ur best advice for someone who is genuinely trying to help? how can i help him?
please write back soon....
thanks.

[sway1]

right on mellie! somehow, my marriage has survived. my husband must be a saint in disguise or something. your man is not happy in his own skin and is trying to change the way he feels by getting high. you cannot molly coddle him! if he is abusive you should remove yourself. until this thing has come to an end, you are dealing with his disease, not him. you are in a very difficult position and i feel for you. there is no easy answer. please protect yourself as best you can. this will break your heart. sway

[mellie4]

It's a hard road loving an addict.  The ups and downs and rollercoaster lifestyle will rob you of your life.  You'll be so busy taking care of him, you'll forget about yourself.  I did it for over 18 years.  We had four kids together.  

You become an addict, too.  You become addicted to them and their behaviors.  Everything will revolve around them.  When they're clean and sober, things are good.  But there's always that tiny bit of uneasiness.  When he calls and says he's working late, you wrap up his dinner for later, but in the back of your mind, there's that niggling little doubt.

You know, I could go on for pages.  In the end, you'll either save yourself or you'll stay.  In the end, you'll grow to resent him and you'll lose all respect for him.  Once respect is gone, love is soon to follow.  You end up being his caretaker, not his partner.  And you better hope nothing happens to you where you need his support.  Because you could be sorely disappointed when he doesn't pull through.  Maybe he will, maybe he won't; you just can't count on him.

Now, if he gets clean, that's a different story.  But only he can do it.  You can't do it for him.  

Don't babysit him.  It won't work.  Make a decision and stick to it.  Otherwise, you'll spend your life lying for him to friends, relatives, co-workers.  You'll start to feel shame as you try to hide his behavior from everyone.  

It's no way to live.  Trust me.

[Dav125]

Tell him to come on the site..Tell him I said so..He wants to see the consequences of where he's headed..I'm going thru those consequences. Its called irritability, migraines,diarrhea, insomnia, restless arm and leg syndrome that lasts for 4 or 5 days. Then the battle with the mental end of the dependancy..Tell him yell at me if he wants to for all of his problems. So I can tell him the problem is the drug, that he has a choice I never had because of my back rupture, and he should take this moment to look around and see how many in here are walking away from the stuff and making it..He's taking high mg doses there. Wihin a short period of time he is going to be so deep in that its guaranteed he is going to be blessed with what I'm dealing with right now..And tell him he's lucky I'm even taking time to talk with him. I'm in the middle of these wd's. He thinks he feels bad? He's not even close..If he won't..We, then you have a choice to make..One thats in your own best interest. Because if he doesn't see this now for what it is, it will get worse and he will get more abusive...Tread lightly...David

[prettywings1031]

Um, he is not on them daily but i honestly have no idea how many MG he takes when he does take them, he was on them again last night, the lies are unbearable. like i mentioned he said to "babysit" him and last night when he said he wanted to go to the gas station he intentionally said hurtful things to me just to pick a fight so he had an excuse to have "time to think" which meant an opportunity to get pills. i told him i wanted to go with him to the gas station without making it sound like i wanted to "babysit" just saying i needed a pack of cigarettes and we could grab some food. HE BLEW UP. saying im controlling and overbearing and he just needed time for himself, he would be back in 20 min... and hour and a half later he comes in the door high as a kite and all worked up. i had seen him like this before but he always does this, he comes home ****** up and basically has a nervous breakdown in my arms saying he loves me and cant keep doing this to me... he was sweaty and just loooked like a crazy man, its spiriling out of control QUICKLY. he volunteered treatment for himself which obviously means he knows its a bigger problem then i even thought, but we cant afford treatment. not to mention he is on probation and worried if he goes to treatment his PO will violate him for drug abuse... but if he continues he is gonna violate again, he just failed a **** test a few weeks ago but was given another chance. Im so frustrated. i feel hopeless and helpless, im scared and alone all the time. and on top of everything its so frustrating to watch him hurt himself. he was litterally sitting in the bathroom with the lights off smoking cigarette after cigarette just noddin out and listening to music while i slept in the room. im losing it. and his temper is getting worse. as soon as he came down (like ****** 6 am) he came in the room all aggitated and woke me up to pick fights with me and call me all types of names. i want to stick around to help him, but now im stuck between a rock and hard place. do i continue to hurt myself to try to help him? i will recommend he looks at this website BUT he is not oblivious to what he is doing to himself ya know? he used to sell pills and alot of his friends are on the same **** (it feels like the whole world is) so he knows what he is doing and what to expect, and its hard to just assume he doesnt care... but thats what it feels like :( i just dont know what to do... im so unbelievably frustrated and stressed out, and because of that my period is late... which could also be for another reason. i just dont know what to do... sorry i vented to u.. its just been a very long night and i needed to get that out. thanks for the advice... if u think of anything else please let me know

[Dav125]

You could attempt to ask him to come on and see how many people in here wish like crazy we had known what these pills will do to a person over time. They are the cause of all the mood swings etc. It strips a person of the ability to enjoy " anything"..Got to feel out if he has gotten to the point that "he" is sick and tired of it. Once that is established, then help can follow. Any idea how many a day he was taking or is taking.?.Those are 30mg pills. Quite strong