Actually this isnt a question but just thoughts

[bethinime]

I see somay people struggling or who are terrified of the withdrawals coming off Suboxone. I thought I might post my daily thoughts and struggles as I begin my process of coming off this stuff once and for all...in hopes I can inspire others.

Here is my story. I am a 38 year old female. I got addicted to oxys and hydros. I love pills.
I am a wife and mother. I do not have chronic pain. Never had it. I just like the buzz and energy I got from narcotics. Thats the truth. I love downing one or two hydros with my morning cup of coffee. I felt I could conquer the world. I was the energizer rabbit on steroids and lots of prozac. Then it happened those 2 pills didnt give me that buzz, then I needed 3 then 4 at one time then I switched to oxys, then those stopped working like they used to..and thats when I realized I had a problem. I tried to stop cold turkey. Couldnt do it. The WD's were to much. Then I thought I had the will power to do it and I was going to set up a taper plan...didnt happen. I ate them all in one day and hated myself for it. I was disgusted with myself really. After the cold turkey and taper process attempted time and again I called a sub dr and made an appt. One and a half years later and I am ready to get off the subs again. Tried once but couldnt deal with the RLS. I am so tired of the side effects. The weight gain, the urge to smoke..just weird side effects. So here I am day one without any subs. I cant say I have felt great. I dont have much energy at all but that could be the Clonipine lowering my BP making me feel tired. Last time I tried to get off of subs I didnt know about the Clonipine. I am hoping with this aide I can do it htis time. I wasnt going to take a Clonipine today but the Restless legs already started and even in my arms. I was going crazy and wanted to crawl out of my skin and almost took a crumb of a sub but I took the Clon instead and I am ok now. Not great but bearable. The day is almost over and I pray I can sleep. There is nothing worse then being up miserable when everyone else is asleep but if I can I suffer through. I am the one who created this mess I am in. I am the one who can get me out of it. I would like to journal my process, not only for myself but maybe I can encourage someone else who was terrified of the sub WD's to get off too.

Day one almost done and counting. I know day 3 and 4 is when it really hits you and i'm gonna lie I am terrified of it! But damn it I am doing it this time!

[corey411]

Hi Beth, I was never on Sub but ct from opiates quite a few times. Just want to offer you my prayers and support. You can do this. If I can help or if you just want someone to chat with , feel free to contact me anytime. Corey

[bethinime]

Thank you so much for your reply and offer.I dont know how far bottom I am going to hit. I know it comesout of nowhere so I might be taking you up on that chat advice. Thank you for your prayers and support. I am really scared and need everything I can get. Beth  

[dominosarah]

Try not to be scared.  It is all part of the process in flushing your body of all the toxins.  Keep posting and we will help you thru............sara

[Ella789]

Yes, day 3 and 4 will come and go, just remember that!  after day 5 you will know you are going to make it after all and that is such a good feeling.  Come on here and post often during that time, try to sleep some and eat and gatoraid and water will help so much.  You have read the Thomas Recipe in the Health Pages, if not go there and get the necessary stuff like immodium ect.
Best wishes

Ella

[snowflake620]

Don't be afaid I know that is easier said than done but just remember,being clean is so worth it and every one on her is more than willing to help in anyway we can,prayers are going out to you tonight so know that you arenot alone
snowflake

[keeponkeepingon333]

congrats on your first day.  in many cases that is the hardest.  my story very closely parallels yours.  I jumped from 6mg after about 20 months of usage(suboxone).  this is the end of my 8th day.  it has been a struggle even up through today.  I agree the leg thing and lack of energy is sooooooo frustrating, (especially when i felt like superman w/ endless supply of energy on subs)  today i was very frustrated because i didn't feel any better, and had to return to work tonight.  A funny thing happened though after working i actually feel pretty good!!!  my legs are still sore but over all feel a lot better.  the long 1/2 life of subs is what is killer(37 hr)  but there is hope and light.  if i can do this, you can too, i ve been a very weak person when it comes to my addictions, but have had enough it am 100% committed and ready.  I really recommend reading the amino acid protocol and thomas recipe for detox from opiates.  i really think it helps w/ energy and overall mood stabilizers.  it doesn't happen over nite though.  I wish all the best in your struggle, and if you have any questions dont hesitate to hit me up!!!  Gl and congratulations on claiming ur life back------mike

[minim]

Good Luck!! Stay Strong- I've been there too- so if you ever need anything....

[worried878]

great post...it seems as tho we r seeing more and more sub wd posts..so people will need ur posts..and ur info as u go thru it..keep us posted..what mg did u jump off at?

[bethinime]

Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement and support. Mike you have no idea what an inspiration you are to me! I want to be right where you are. I, like you, am very week when it comes to my addictions so coming off subs like this is like climining a mountain with no safety gear. Worried I juped off the subs at 2mg somdays I was even able to do 1mg but on bad days I took a quarter of an 8mg (2mg)

[bethinime]

So today is day 2 for me but because I seem to be obsessively counting hours, minutes and seconds ;) its really been 2 1/2 days and about 1 hour and 34 minutes. I dont feel great, not gonna lie, BUT I dont feel as bad as I thought I was going to. Getting out of bed was rough. It used to be on subs in the morning my joints would hurt...this morning my muscles hurt. Felt like I had worked out really hard. Maybe it was my sleep position though and has nothing to do with no subs. I dont know. Seems when we are in WDs we blame everything on the WDs. Thats just natural to do that. I have terribly bad heartburn as well and that is something I didnt expect at all. I never heard anyone with this problem. Its real irritating but after a few tums I seem to be ok. My advice to anyone coming off subs is to have your arsenal ready. I have a shoebox with clonidine, RLS homeopathic pills, amino acids, herbal cham tea, herbal detox tea, b vitamins, one a day multi vitamin, ibupfofren, unisom (for sleep, I wanted ambien or something but my dr wouldnt do it, maybe yours will) Have anything you can take that will help even a little bit handy so you can take something as soon as you feel those symptoms coming on before they get so bad that you lose your courage and strength.

So in a nutshell. I slept ok last night and I was very pleasantly surprised with that. Was a little hard to wake up..but I did it. Took a Clonidine when I woke, now I am drinking lots of coffee and water and so far getting through my day chasing my 3 year old around and doing better then I ever dreamed I would. I am anxious though, I feel like this big bomb is going to drop because so many people say they are fine and then WHAM...so I am real nervous about that. Kinda like a jack in the box you know its coming but still scares the pissout of ya when it does!

oh and I crazy crazy dreams last night. Weird

[td188]

The worst for me is the night sweets. last night all night i was drenched in sweet and woke up with the diarrhea. This is not a fun process. We will never forget these days of wd's. I still can't force myself to eat so I am drinking BOOST high protein drink.

[bethinime]

I know exactly what you mean with the nightsweats. The first time I tried to go off without the Clonidine I had those awful sweats except mine would come out of nowhere during the day too. I could be sitting doing nothing and start getting sweat beads on  my forehead and then just start dripping sweat. It was disgusting! With the Clonidine I havent had the sweats one time. I am so grateful for that. I hated always being the one who looked all sweaty and gross.

[td188]

I don't know what clonidine is. is it a presc. or otc?

[bethinime]

Its a prescription that used to be used as a blood pressure lowering medicine but I think it is used mostly now to healp ease the symptoms of opiots withdrawal..and it really does help. I have never madeit this far before.

[td188]

i bought a heating pad yesterday, that helps with my chills

[bethinime]

Some updates on day 2..its now 2:00 p.m. and I feel like I could fall asleep standing up. I am downing coffee and taking my sublingual b drops and I am feeling no relief. I am also getting kinda of grumpy but I am not sure if thats from WDs or from the fact my body wants to sleep so bad and I cant sleep until tonight. I have my 3 year old to take care of. I cant even get enough energy up to shower. I brushed my teeth and hair and this morning. I look like hell. Now I just fixed my daughter a PB&J and thats was all the energy I had. Back on the couch. I swear by the time this is over my couch is going to have my butt print indented in it forever!  What a blob! This too shall pass...right??

[td188]

Are you taking any vitamins? I am on day two and I have some energy. but I am drinking high protein drinks and korean ginseng which is a energy support vitamin. I felt like you yesterday. I have a 3 year old and a 7 year old.

[bethinime]

Yes I am taking a one a day and a b complex. Now that you mention it I have some ginseng.I am goingotgo take come now. Thanks for the suggestion td

[BaronMunchausen]

The heartburn is likely due to stress. Also; try to eat something! Even just some white bread or toast, if you aren't eating. It will help give your stomach something to work on.

The best thing you can do is try to distract yourself from the passage of time. My advice is start playing playstation heavily. :-)

Keep us posted, sounds like you're doing great so far. I've done both the Cold turkey route as well as a steady detox and both have advantages/ disadvantages.

But it is good to be free.

[td188]

I cannot wait until i feel free! thanks for the support it really means a lot to me. My family does not know what I am going through they think I have the flu. You guys help so much!

[td188]

You may want to get some anti-diarrheal meds too.

[bethinime]

Geesh my typing has never been so horrible...guess I am more tired then I realize!

[bethinime]

i never thought about the HB beain stress related but that makes total sense. Thanks! td I am the same as you..my family has no idea..my husband knows but thats it.

[mchiurazzi]

you may want to try and read the amino acid protocol in the health pages its helped me immensely i am on day 5 off of subs it still aint the best but better than yesterday. but just wanted to let you know the amino acids have been workin great for me thats all ive been usein to help with wds.good luck and rember it does get better!