After reading Toms recipie, suboxone facts 1&2, plus many others, I still wonder if Im ready?

[Amanda_Eve]

I have been an opiate addict for about 4 years now. I wish I knew how serious addiction was when I started messing with them, Im sure you all can say the same! I started on vicodin, then to o.c.'s and finally to methadone. In the middle of this I spent about 10 months straight sober while I was pregnant. It seemed to easy, but as soon as my son was born and I was given painkillers my old habit came back with a vengence. I started taking methadone because I believed all the hype and b.s. and honestly I think if I could have stayed strong and stayed off the first time I tried to quit it would have worked, but I always relapsed. I should mention that Ive always bought these on the streets, so I go through small periods of time where I cant find methadone (usually a few days tops). At first and for a while methadone made me feel like super woman, now it seems like its turning on me and I want to give quitting another shot. I went for about 34 days at Christmas, I feel like I can handle the week or more of hardcore withdrawls, but the depression and anxiety kill me. Also, I have a 2 year old and a husband who works nights so I feel so guilty being out of commission for a week or more while I go through detox and withdrawl. I thought about suboxone but after reading the Suboxone FAQ 1 & 2 am scared. I really thought it was a miracle drug! Am I going to just substitute this horrible addiction to methadone for an almost as horrible one to suboxone or is it a bit easier of a time coming off? Also, do all these over the counter meds (imodium, st. johns wart, etc.) really make things that much easier? Im glad I decided to post, you all seem so nice and it seems like you've all been just where I am now.
Thanks
Amanda

[Mystic214]

Hydrocodone day two for me.  10/650 8-10 times a day  Youve been there detox, done that, w/d.  I too checked out Suboxone, thoroughly.  Not a good idea for me.  

[Dawg0521]

First of all, do not feel guilty for being out of commission. This is a sacrifice they will make for the new you. They get a better wife and mother in this deal. Suboxone isn't a miracle drug. But it did save me. I used suboxone for 100 days and I have mixed feelings on it. The withdrawals from it were pretty severe. But in hindsight, I could've been smarter about tapering. Instead of quitting at 1 mg, maybe I could've kept going and took small slivers. I can tell you that I am 44 days clean from the suboxone and I'm not 100% yet. I'm very close. I can tell you that suboxone does help in alot of ways. It gets you used to the dialy grind without using. If you read those pages, then you know that you can't abuse it and it keeps you from abusing other opiates while you are on it. So it does help in many ways. If you decide to go with the suboxone, then accept a few things first. You have to accept that there is nothing wrong with it. I was in a hurry to get off because I wanted to be truly "clean". Its legal and its not getting you high. So make sure you are okay with taking it for an extended period. If not, you'll just end up tapering similar to how I did, and its just worse that way. I used sub for 100 days and have been off it for 44. When people ask how long I've been clean, I say 144 days, not 44. It is a long process either way you go, but you will make it. Welcome to the community. Good luck.

[kim715]

Thats good to hear hon.Keep reading and keep posting.Welcome to our community.....Kim

[Amanda_Eve]

Thanks for responding :)
Kim, I've been reading more and more posts and I think you're right about suboxone. It seems just as bad and hard to come off of than methadone. I wish more people knew what wolves in sheeps clothing methadone and suboxone are. I know a lot of people who think that they can come off both w/ no withdrawls and thats not the case. As far as aftercare, Ive only tried going to see a counselor for my depression and moodiness the last time at Christmas, never a rehab or anything like that. After reading posts by people who are a week and 30, 90 days clean makes me want to do it even more! Now to start the tapering down and set a date. Im going to keep posting for sure!

And newgirl286,I will definitely be trying out Toms recipe and looking at the amino acid protocol (thats the only one I havent read yet) Its comforting to know there's a little I can do to make the wd's more comfortable.

[newgirl286]

I'd highly recommend the amino acid protocol & thomas recipe, whatever works...
Good luck, you can do it...

[kim715]

You and I have things in common.We share the same doc's.Mine was vikes then methadone also.I went to a clinic for the methadone for a over a year.I know exactly what you are talking about  when you talk about it 'turning on you'.That happened to me too.I don't know much about sub,but heres my opinion.You've done this before,you've gotten clean before,stayed clean for 10 months,and then for over a month at Christmas.You've been through the w/d so you know what to expect and you know you can handle it,so why add another drug into the mix of quitting? You can do the getting clean,it's the staying clean that you have to work on,and for all of us thats the hardest part.Did you go to meetings or participate in any type of recovery care the other times you have gotten clean? The difference for me this time around,and I had stopped and started more times then I can count in the past,was recovery care.I knew I was capable of physically putting the drugs down,I needed to work on the mental part so when things were going bad or going too good in my life I wouldn't want to pick them back up.I have been clean from the vikes for over 2 years,,and clean from the methadone for a little over a year.If I can do it,you can do it.Keep posting.There is tons of help and support here......Kim