Tapering getting rough...struggling.

[StuckANDscared]

Today starts another drop...3-10mg/day now.  I was worried about sleeping on only 1 a night...but with the help of a 1/2 of a .25mg xanax I sleep like a baby.  The days are rough...I've been doing this CRAZY SLOW (with a few slips along the way...bust for the most part I've stayed the course) but these last few days I cut myself down the 3 and feel mild WD symptoms all day.  

I'll say this about Xanax...I know I'm an addict, and I'm watching myself for an addiction trasfer.  I'm already taking half of the lowest dose possible, and it helps.  I don't take it every night...I think I've taken it 3 or 4 times in several months...only at my worst times.  

My two most annoying symptoms are...feeling like I wanna turn into Gumby and stretch and twist all the time...and the edgy-attitude.  I'm usually (even when I was clean) super easy going and happy go lucky.  I just have no patience.  None.  Someone looks at me and in my mind I'm likie, "**** you too *******!  You wanna go?!"  Lol...

I actually visualized cold-cocking my coworker (I'm a bartender) because she was sitting around talking while I busted my *** taking care of a full bar of people.  I kinda wish I did...lol...

Just need to vent I guess...if you're tapering or cold turky-ing it...clodidine and xanax are very useful.  I love pedialyte popsicles!  Gives me something to "do" to get my mind off it for a while.  

Here's to everyone out there...clean, not clean, or getting clean...may 2012 by OUR YEAR!!!  We are stronger than this...

My sister recently had a baby, and the first thought I had was, "God DOES exist.  She is a miracle."  My second thought is, "God help whoever messes with her...they'll have an intimate meeting with my .45"  Third thought was, "I want to be clean for HER and I'll kill any doctor who ever prescribes her painkillers...I hope she NEVER discovers them."  Weird train of thought?  

Hope everyone is doing well,stay strong!

[Blackwolfsgirl]

Hi, I am new to this forum. Congrats on your neice, and on tapering. You have a lot of strenth to taper off. I tried it, and it didn't work. I just made a new post and would LOVE and input anybody has.

[bama88]

Congradulatioms on your neice. And yes god exists.....sometimes we have to see a miriclethen we become one. Just look around your life and focus on positives. Baby steps turn into big leaps. Sending ya a hug. And kiss your neice. Just think of all your knowledge you can share with her.

[dominosarah]

You will feel the wd symptoms now.  Your emotions will be all over the place, just dont act on the violent ones!!!  lol

Congrats on your new niece~~

[Innerstrength67]

Congrats on your successful tapering. Have you thought of just jumping?? Yes, be careful of the whole taking another type of drug. We are addicts and must abstain from all mind or mood altering substances.
Yes, your new niece is the closest thing to GOD!
Good luck!