Help me help my husband

[Kooks]

My husband has been an addict for a while been to detox and other programs, but keeps relapsing. 2 nights ago he came home high on xanax, a lot of them. The next day he went out at 2 and ended up picking up a friend and going to get 2 bundles of heroin. He is in bed now and i don't know what to do. It is an on going struggle with him. I was thinking detox but he says they don't help him. Do any of you have any suggestions it's really tearing my family apart. I feel like i can't trust him or anything. All he does is lie and keep using....PLEASE HELP?????????

[liscamdave]

Ok, first off...you have every right to feel how you do. I am so sorry to hear things are this bad. But sadly, we can't help you or him..he will only get the help he needs if he truly wants it. It doesn't sound like he wants help. How long has he been going the heroin recently. If its only been for a couple days his w.d shouldn't be bad at all, if any at all. He definitely needs help but he has to want it. Do you think he wants to get help? Of course its going to be hard on your and drive you crazy..but you also need to realize that this will be something you will deal with for the rest of your life if you don't put a stop to it now. If he doesn't want to get help and keeps doing what he is doing, he is not going to care and will do what he wants and you will in turn keep suffering. DOn't get me wrong, he is struggling with his addiction, but until you see that he wants to stop and cares enough to try to start the process, there isn't anything you can do. You may have to leave him. I know you think he will get worst, but is this how you want to spend the rest of your life. I can see staying and helping him. Tell him you will 100% support him in his recovery but not at all will you support him in his addiction. A line has to be drawn.

[10356]

I'm very sorry to read of your husbands addiction.. With addicts you can not force them into treatment and if you did it would have no lasting effect as we do not get clean unless we want it... Even then it is a battle.. Every addict has a bottom and although you feel as if you have hit yours he obviously has not hit his...
Using Heroin in the home with the children I would draw the line there.. I'm a ex junkie and I know how much you stand to loose if she were to dig her claws in..
If you are afraid he will die without you all I can suggest is talking with him.. No yelling no accussing just a fact based talk on how this is impacting you and the family.. How the changes in him are obvious.. Letting him know you care and love him.. You miss the man you married..
Other then that not much if you are staying to protect him.. Sometimes when we are taken care of by others it takes longer to find bottom..
Have you tried joining a group for addicts wife's.. You would learn what co-dependecy is and get tips from those that have been before you.
Keep posting with questions and we will do our best to help in anyway we can... lesa

[liscamdave]

Ok, I am so sorry this didn't get answered, let me re-read it and I will reply in a couple mins..don't leave

[Kooks]

Also i have never been an addict so i really don't know what to do or how i can help him i don't understand addiction, but i know it's bringing me down and driving me CRAZY........i don't want to leave him or he'll get worse, he might die, it always happens when i leave he gets worse. i just don't know what to do anymore