Back on

[Kelseago]

Well I'm back on my diet pills, which might not seem like muck to most.  I've been taking them for sooooo long.  I couldn't do it anymore.  I have gone back to anything else though.  I can't even explain my live for these pills.  I refuse to let myself get up to where I was though.  I know long term use can damage your liver and cause heart problems.  This has got to be the hardest thing for me to quit.  My bro-inlaw, which I hate, has moved in to stay 2 months.  I just couldn't take it anymore.  I needed something to bring me up.  I can't stand being around him so this just makes me constantly busy, always going.  Ugh...I know that's just my addict mind though

[Kelseago]

I haven't seen a priest or gone to confession since I was in highschool after everything started

[Kelseago]

Trust me, it pisses me off too.  I can understand my husbands dilemma, doesn't mean I have to like it.  My husband has always had a hard time understanding why I can't seem to "get over" my past.  He is also a very nice man who has a hard time seeing the bad in anyone.  Heck, he use to allow his ex-wife to physically abuse him for years before he finally left.  (she's like 5-6 in taller and he won't hit a woman in self defense, gotta live em). I've always just tried to please everyone, I'm sure my brain is trained that way. I'm sick of it though

[ImDONENoMore]

Not sure what your religious beliefs are so if I'm overstepping here, I apologize - but what about a pastor, priest or rabbi?  They're FREE!  :)

[Kelseago]

I have been researching therapists, I know I need one. I'm trying to find one in our budget right.  It's pretty hard to do

[vicki595]

ImDONENoMore~~  Hey...are you turning in to me??  Acid tongue...LOL   I feel the frustration here,as well. I KNOW how IBK is feeling!!   You're so right!!  Kels needs to think about herself but I see where she's going here...we're all programmed to "medicate" and that's a hard one to break!  BUT...this is a criminal in the house as far as I'm concerned!

Kels...I have an idea: Pack up the kids and go stay with your MIL. That is...after you tell your husband his priorities are scewed!!  The whole thing is pissing me off now!!!

Be careful Honey....

[IBKleen]

You can't get there alone hun---you don't have the tools. You need to consider counseling---get with a professional who deals with this and allow someone to help you. Just saying "I'll get there" isn't doing anything. Please get the help you need.

[ImDONENoMore]

Better sooner or later.  Regret is a terrible feeling, believe me, I know what I'm talking about with that one.  I will continue to hope for you Kels, that won't change.  :)

[Kelseago]

Yeah, people have tried to convince me that for years.  I'll get there, hopefully soon

[ImDONENoMore]

Jees I certainly have the acid tongue today!!  Sorry for my abruptness, but your reasoning is making me crazy!!!!  No, not CRAZY, ANGRY.  YOU matter Kels, whether you think so or not.  You just do.

[ImDONENoMore]

It would be nice if you loved YOURSELF as much as you love your mother-in-law, your kids, your husband, wouldn't it?  Why can't your feelings come FIRST here Kels?  Does it always have to be for someone else?  When does it start to be for YOU?  When Kels, when?

[Kelseago]

I'm fairly sure that he won't harm me but the fear is there.  I have seen him be overly, grossly, flirty with their 14 yr old cousin.  I wouldn't let her out of my sight when we were all together

[Kelseago]

I've talk with him.  My friend has told my husband any what happened but we were f'd up at the time.  His bro got off on the charges from the other girl and my friend didn't press charges.  I tried to convince her to.  I think my husband is in denial abt his bro or doesnt remember.  I keep myself n kids locked in my room, basically, or outside until my husband gets home.  I feel better with him here.  I love my husband and he's been trying for years to help his bro straighten out his life. I just want no part of it.  I'm doing this for my mom inlaw which I live dearly. That's what I gotta tell myself.  Hes 33 n just moved out, I know she needs a break

[vicki595]

Yup!  He's a creep.  Do you fear him? Do you think he'd "try anything" with you?  And if you hate him so much (and I see why) How is it you allowed this to happen? Your husband must know how you feel...
I agree it's an uncomfortable situation,no question. I just don't see where pills are the answer. But,that's the sober me thinking. The addict me would have been in a stupor by now...So,compared to that,I guess you're doing well...  Still,I would buy a good book and go to Starbuck's until dinner time.  NO ONE and NOTHING can interfere with my sobriety
now.  You'll get there...I hope!!

[IBKleen]

That's a terrible thing and I am having a hard time understanding why he is allowed to stay with you and also why he is not in jail.

All of that being said, you need to get help for what you have gone through. You need to learn new coping skills and running to a drug to make everything go away is not coping. It is just horrible that you went through what you did. Now I would like to see you get help and let the healing begin.

I don't know your situation but if it were me, that *&^^%$ wouldn't get past my front door step. Anything that threatens my sobriety is a no-no in my world.

I don't know if you can talk with your husband or what but I think you should try before he gets there. What do you think about talking with him?

[Kelseago]

Alright, the reason that I feel I need to guard myself with stuff right now is because I am having to live with a man that has read my best friend and atleast 1 other girl.  Since I have been raped and molested in the past it is only natural for me to feel like I need something right now.  I chose the lesser of my evils.  I'm just on here trying to be honest right now and I know it's not what u guys wanna here but it's truthful atleast.  I don't want to show my true feelings toward this animal because I don't want my kids to react off how I treat him.  He's my husbands brother and I just have to learn to deal for now.  He is at the house with no job for the time being. He will start work in a week so he's constantly here right now.  Maybe this will put a clearer picture to why I have fallen

[vicki595]

Well...it seems we're all holding hands around you Kels...all on the same page...all feeling pretty bad that some ******* can come into your house YOUR HOUSE and cause this behaviour.

But,wait a minute here...you started them again because he's there,so you can be busy...
Well,then it hasn't been that long so you can just stop and you'll be okay...maybe tired but so what??   And maybe he NEEDS to see you not liking him! At least that's an honest emotion and not some passive aggressive BS!!

I'm not trying to beat you up...you know I'm not about that. But you DO need to take a look at this very hard!!   I think it's great you've been honest on the forum but I'm even wondering about that!!   You say you're taking pills,ONLY 4,and don't intend to stop. So?
Why even post that?  Of course we're going to go nuts!!

Kels--If you don't like your BIL then don't!!  There's no law here. Just be yourself and go about your day. Is he there all day long? Under foot?  Or does he work?    Well,I don't like my MIL and she's on her way over here...guess I'll pour a tall vodka. Oh...don't worry...I'll put ice in it!

[Kelseago]

I really just don't want his family to see me, esp his brother.  I can't stand him for many reasons and don't want him to have any pleasure in seeing me this way.  I would be ok with someone else. My fam knows everything, not his though

[ImDONENoMore]

And what if someone else comes to stay with you after this visitor is gone?  Please don't misunderstand my harshness here Kels.  It's only concern because I have SO much faith in you.  I guess I just wish you had that same faith in yourself.  :(

[Kelseago]

It does have WD. It was not a fun experience to go through and I don't want a witness to watch

[Kelseago]

I hear you guys, I do.  I will stop when I have my house empty of visitors so I can go through it without onlookers

[carson1975]

Well how about a taper, then maybe it will be easier? Does diet pill make u have w/d? I know it maybe seem like u are happy right now but it's a false happy when I was taken addipex( not sure how to spell it) I had a ton of.     energy but I was very moody I only took 1 a day and on weekend I didn't take any. So I hope u slow down and get ready to stop !! U have make me change my mind about getting back on them cuz I don't think I have it in me to fight another addiction !  I know u can do this u just have to want it:)

[ImDONENoMore]

Okay - my first sentence didn't come out right - I didn't mean I'm sorry that everyone is right - I meant I'm sorry you're not HEARING them.  And I know you are capable of hearing us Kelseago.

[ImDONENoMore]

I'm sorry Kelseago to say this but everyone is RIGHT here.  This is addiction at it's finest and I know you KNOW that.  You say you're happy cause your kids THINK you're happy.  Only it's NOT you, do you know what I'm saying here?  It's a false sense of self and security and you will fall from this too.  I do NOT want to see that happen to you given how much you have accomplished lately.  Please, please, and PLEASE, rethink what you're doing here.  The diet pills are DANGEROUS.  They'll hurt your heart and your liver and if the damage gets too bad, they're might not be a chance to "go back" and start again.

Please listen to everyone here.  That's all I can say.  :(  Oh, actually, there is ONE more thing I can say - YOU HAVE THE STRENGTH TO QUIT THESE TOO.  I KNOW you do.

[Kelseago]

I know I will hit a wall one day. I'm just not mentally ready.  I can't allow myself to be "crazy" right now. Not infront of his bro. That's not what I need.  I know my tolerance will take into effect, that's one of my main reasons for switching to ndifferent pills everytime my bottle runs out. I know it's sad, but aren't all addictions sad?