Being tested

[SmilingBright]

Ok guys I need your support and prayer please.  Being tested right now!!!  
My hubby was sick and went to dr today.  He made me pick up his scripts at pharmacy.  One of them being codeine cough syrup.  

My blood is boiling!!!  So frustrated that something like this could derail my progress!!  I hav head it in my possession for Over an hour and haven't even looked at it.  Keeping busy. Got on treadmill, cooked and took bath!

Just flustered and lots of anxiety. Im
Sure it will be worse when hub gets Hm cause he loves that junk!!!!! I did too.  

Please help w some kind words.  U guys are always so amazing.  HELP

I thought about for a second not telling u all and then taking a sip.  But nixed that idea quickly and decided I needed to post!!!  

[SmilingBright]

You are absolutely correct Connie!!  

I'm focused like a laser beam on staying clean.  And no the pills and cough syrup are someplace I have no clue.   I definitely can't handle that tempatation.  

Yes God will always provide a way out of temptations.  Thank God I know  and love Him so much.  He is such a good God.

Any one want a good worship song :/: check out
Oceans by hillsong united (amazing)
&
Moving forward by israel houghton (wow)

These songs carry me through the mess of the world!!  Thank you Jesus for your awesome Word and worship music!!!!  

Thanks Connie!!!!

[SmilingBright]

U crack me up bubby!! Lol. Thanks for Your meow meow help!!  

I can conquer the world meow!!!!! Whoo hooo

[clean_in_ks]

Yeah on your 15 days!  I know you already know this, but whenever we are tempted.....we are also ALWAYS given a way OUT of that temptation, right? (I Corth 10:13)

Having said that, if I was newly clean, and if my hubby was still using my drug of choice, plus had codeine cough syrup in the house or in my face, I would have to draw some NEW...REALLY strong boundaries for myself or I'd never make it.  I don't know what those new boundaries might be for you or what would protect you personally because they may be different from mine.....  But an absolute MUST for me would be to not have ANY talk/conversation about "the drugs" at all and to not have any VISUAL exposure to them either.  The triggers can only be tripped and toyed with to a certain degree with us addicts.  The "way out of the temptation" may require new boundary setting between you and the man you love with your whole heart if he isn't ready to quit using right now.  I am concerned for you.

I absolutely LOVE the statement you made above and think you should write it in BIG BOLD letters and put it some where you see it ALL the time:

"Now's the time to focus like a laser beam on keeping MYSELF clean!!"

You got that one TOTALLY right girl.....a laser beam is a great analogy!

And lastly agreeing w/ what Vickie said, no high like being "under the influence of my Higher Power".

Shine bright laser beam~

[Bubulous]

Yep that is a test as well.  One day it may pop in your head that you can take just one or something and be fine but it is a risky decision that I hope you do not make like I did recently.  That could have ended really bad for me but I am glad it didn't.
Stay strong meow.  Your time is meow.  Meow is the time.  Right here, right meow.  It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone, and I need you meow.  There's no stopping you meow.  The future is meow.    The world is your oyster meow.  Meow and forever....you've got this meow...
That is ten :)

[SmilingBright]

Oh btw bubby, Im ok meow!! Thanks

[SmilingBright]

Oh I just wish I didn't feel fat right now;( have t had a chance to wkout in few days and NEED to wkout good tmrw to get some good endorphins pumping bf I lose it. It's amazing what eating clean and working out does for me!!  

Julie, U should look up kettle bells on google.  Omg!  I talked to a beast of a personal trainer yesterday and I'm pumped on some bells!! Lol. Told him running wasn't getting me the butt I want.   He said the bells will get what I want!! He said I won't bulk up like too many squats and lunges will do.  So I'm super  pumped.

Thanks bubby, I know it's just aggravating to have it in my house always.  If I get weak all I have to do is sniff them out ;(    

But I know how good being clean feels!! So that's the road I will choose!!!!!!  

[Bubulous]

Good job, I know by now it has become a little easier to tell him no because you even did it when he offered you a higher dose while you were trying to taper off.  You did great then and you are doing amazing meow.

[FourJays]

What are these things anyway?

[VICourageous]

Please come on over here...I need a good work out...lol
Wow its been 15 days...Oh what a great success...You are my hero...

[SmilingBright]

Thaks Julie.  I will get my workout on tmrw. Just too darn tired tonite after working all day the last 4 days.  Whooped.  

I won't give in guys.  Thanks for cheering me on. I knew I could count on u guys!!  

Can't wait to wkout tnrw!!!!!!!!  I need those kettle bells!!!! Now!!!!!!!  Lol

[FourJays]

I feel bad that you are having to be challenged like this so early on!

But it is like you just said - one sip is not enough (heck, the whole bottle wouldn't have been enough for me); one pill is not enough.  Don't go back there . . . you have come so far and been so strong.

Get in to your workout "zone", go get those kettle bell (?) things and take out your frustrations!!!  

Stay strong . . . you CAN do this . . you ARE doing this :))

[SmilingBright]

You are most definitely  right!!!!  I love my God and my spirtual high!!  It's the best high of all.  
Thanks my sweet vic;)

15 days for me!!!!  

[VICourageous]

OHHH Just remember the time that you have invested into getting clean..Trust me...A long, long time ago I took a Lorazepam because of the high anxiety..wow I will tell you not only did it make my head feel funkie..It gave me deep darkness...I felt like it knocked me from my spirtial high..This was over 6m ago..So I know for sure that I love being "UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF MY HIGHER POWER"...You go girl..You do not want to feel darkness inside..lol

[SmilingBright]

Oh Vic, but I'm being tested like a sob right now!!!!!!  Argh. Lol

[VICourageous]

Oh there you are girlfriend..I was looking for a new inspiring, poweful, positive, spritial new post...I even sent you a PM to see if all was good..You are strong so I do not even worry about you going back to use..One day at a time...Right!!!!  lol
vickie

[SmilingBright]

Btw
I appoligized to hubby. Then he told me if I think I need a sip to feel ok then take it!!

I told him NO!!  A sip is never enough!!  Neither is a pill ever enough!!!  Im
dONE!!!!!!

[SmilingBright]

I know bubby!! U r right. Had to appoligize to him for brewing so mean. Thanks for the advice.  

[toothfairie]

yes what Bub said!  i agree...enjoy your weekend...and maybe he will follow in your footsteps soon girl....i hope so, until then enjoy your new clean life!!!  

[Bubulous]

You will be fine.  I know that it must be difficult with him still using and we have talked about that before but I hope you inspire him to have the strength that you have some day to find his recovery.  Either way you are doing great and you have already benefited him by the example you have set.
Stay strong my friend,
You know what it was like so you have to forgive and overlook him.  It isn't his fault and he has to find his own way.  Just enjoy your weekend.

[SmilingBright]

Ok guys the weekend is here for me .....  Back to being tested w that stupid syrup.    

I just don't want to be glaring at the hub in frustration.  Lol.  I want to be nice to him.  

Help.

[SmilingBright]

Wow NG, u seriously got me all chocked up over here!! Thank u for that.  I truly appreciate all of your support.  Yes kettle bells make me super excited.  Lol.

Have to find something to keep me busy and keep my endorphins pumping naturally!! ;)

I truly appreciate all you guys support.  It Is seriously overwhelming to know how many people really do care.  Yes I could punch my hub in the face sometime bc he's actually still taking methadone.  Says he will taper and quit.  Just need to stay on my journey and not be consumed w his journey.  I worried about him getting clean fr way too long.  Now time to focus like a laser beam on keeping myslef clean!!  

U guys Rock!!  I know I wouldn't be doing so well if it weren't for all of u!! From my heart (thank u)
Hugs

[nursegirl6572]

Wow, how awesome that you are doing everything you can to guard your sobriety.  THAT is what it is all about.  Not half way, not a LITTLE, but ALL in, and you sure are ALL in. ALL in in a seriously intense kind of way.

These "tests" are a necessary evil.  It stinks when they come along early in recovery, but they are a compass to which you can measure your strength and resolve.  In ten years from now, if hubby gets cough syrup, you'll look back and be able to compare the difference, while it would always be a test, you'll breeze through it a lot easier, and you will be so proud of that.  

An addict can never let their guard down, so in a way, it's good that you had this experience.  There will always be temptation in this world (unless of course you lock yourself in a bubble, in which case the kettle balls/bells are out....btw, they sound just horrific, God love you for being excited about something like that...I'll stick with my ho hos, tyvm)....and each time you FACE a temptation, you anchor your coping skills, perfecting them.

I think you're amazingly awesome...way to go, you should be SO proud of yourself, for every day you've fought, and for not doing anything with that dumb cough syrup except all the right things.  If your hubby acts a fool, no worries...you have a whole forum full of people who would be on your front door step, ready to put that syrup bottle where the sun doesn't shine sister!  Tell him he's on notice...because us MH people don't fool around.  ;0)

Celebrate your success.  Really.

[SmilingBright]

Might be passing em w flying colors alright.  

I was ten shades of red (spit fire mad ) yesterday!!  Lol.

But I calmed down today. Thank God.

[FourJays]

You are passing them all with flying colors!!!