Dodged a bullet!!!

[slomedz805]

I wanted to make this post because it maybe of some help to someone... I wanted to get out today so i decided i would take a drive and check up on a older family friend who just got out of the hospital after having her gull blader removed she is elderly and lives alone.. I get there and of course start talking about what the doc perscribed her ext.. I start giving her the shorthand version of what im going through in a way a elderly woman would understand.. anyway of course the doc gave her a nice care package of dilaudid and basically everything I was taking prior to detoxing..anyway we talked a bit more.. I told her I had to go..

I went and sat in my truck and i weighed it all out in my head.. What would my gf say? how would she feel? What would the people who have encouraged me so much the last 9 days feel about me.. I grabbed my phone and read my post i had made earlier and the comments and started to cry..I know i could have gotten some of those drugs if i tried..but I didnt!!

This post is about how us addicts can be tested so early in our recovery.. These battles won.. these fires we stomp out.. is the food that i believe us addicts gain strength from.. the tough decision of instant gratification or a life worth living ... this is the game we play..I encourage everyone out there to fight.. since day one ive sent messages to people encouraging them to fight. . and i took my own advice and fought!!

Thank you to everyone who has been replying to my post with kind words and encouragement  it paid off today I read those replys because they mean something to me and it helped alot today.. so thanks!

[jugglin]

You jumped a huge hurdle and landed on your feet.  I know you were initially shaken by your experience (so to speak), but I'm sure at the end of the day it felt good to know that u walked away,  YOU walked away!  You will see the phrase "Guard up" over and over again and you will feel exactly what that means.  Your posts are very instrumental in showing others the truths of early recovery, the challenges, the triumphs.  Keep choosing you and keep fighting each day...one day at a time.

[jerry4664]

Right on man thats how you do it I have associates that are still out there I just say high and move on the dope game and meds from the doc are so far behind me that I still get inspired when I see posts like yours keep up the fight "PILL FREE"

[hopefullycleanagain]

Damn....now that recovery program is a tough one to measure up to lu!! Keep on being amazing woman! Me

[lulu747]

I love that Clean In Ks AKA Connie is nagging you.  I'm gonna have to go ahead and add my voice to the crowd not nagging, but cheering you on to START working a recovery program.  It doesn't have to be NA.  Personally, it's not my bag, I don't want to offend anyone but the God stuff gets to me.  I do feel spiritual guidance is ESSENTIAL to recovery, it's just not the typical God for me.  I would suggest some 'recover shopping' IE trying out some different recovery programs.  I tried 3 or 4 before I found my magic combo.  But for me,  I realized I had some major PTSD to deal with from my abusive marriage and medical trauma.  I was literally a human pin cushion and medical experiment for years. I was also raped, and emotionally tortured by my husband during these medical traumas. Through my private addictions counselling, EMDR therapy for PTSD and cognitive behavioural therapy, I found some answers, coping devices, and peace.  I added daily yoga practice and volunteer work to this as months passed and I became physically and emotionally stronger.  Now I am part of a program which I helped create for women recovering from abuse.  Spousal abuse, rape, former prostitutes, and recovering drug addicts.  I do this through my God-given gift- my art.  I actually work with women to tell their stories which we create plays from that we perform in various communities for awareness and support.  I am so involved in so many aspects of this community and find so much peace in not only furthering my recovery, but helping those in their most vulnerable states.  Last year I did a full free program where I helped women who had been living on the street- addicted, prostituting their bodies, and suffering terrible abuse to tell their stories.  It was the most powerful experience of my life.  Not only did it aid in my own recovery, but it helped others in theirs, and helped to erase the stigmatism that is related to addiction and sexual assault.  This has become my life's work.  I honestly don't think I would have got to this place, or been able to do this work, had I not fought my way back to life and freedom from numbing my pain (both physical and mental from pills).
I am sharing this to show you there are many paths to recovery.  You need to find yours and walk it every day.  I saved my life, and have helped to save many others.  There is no price tag or high that can compete with this.
Wishing you peace.
Lu

[slomedz805]

hey 30 days thats amazing!! and im sooo happy that my posts speak to ya... just keep on keepin on man dont give to much thought to getting to a year just yet focus on battling and putting out fires much like the one i posted about thats where you win thats what will take you to a year

[slomedz805]

Thank you so much and I know when you " nag " me that you have my best interest at heart. :)

[clean_in_ks]

LOL....I'm SO glad you thought of me sitting in your truck!!!  

And I think it would make your Mom VERY proud if you went to some of those same meetings she went to.....and was a speaker there :):)

I can't wait to hear about your new experiences there, Trev~

[Durty_South]

This is good reading. I normally don't talk but it's awesome seeing people go through the same things. Well maybe awesome isn't the correct word, more like comforting. I'm almost to 30 days and feel so much better but my mind is playing tricks too. I'm not relapsing bc I look for award to getting that year under my belt but the brain has a funny way of trying to convince you. Anyway, thanks for the reading material. We will make it!

[Merri123]

You did awesome!!!  You know we will all run into situations where temptation will be there. Where just one won't hurt or we can take a couple and that person won't know.  You just passed your first test. WITH FLYING COLORS!!

You did exactly the right thing. When you felt weak, you went where you know you have support. Good job. Tomorrow will be day 10.  

[hopefullycleanagain]

Hi slowmeds, your story is very inspiring to us in early recovery.  I have recently been challenged as well, also an elderly friend with recent cataract surgery....I did not ask her about her medications, but I am going over to clean her carpets for her on Friday.  I know she has pain meds, as I have gotten some from her in the past.  My guard is up and my husband is on board, I will reflect back on your post and your strength on Friday.  I wish I could say I don't have any cravings, but my neck and left arm have been really bothering me this week, and that would be a lie.  

I am 95 days in, I refuse to give in to these darn pills, I am so close to double digits, I can taste it!! Congratulations on your continued commitment today, you should be very proud!  I will be thinking of you this Friday and I am determined to follow your footsteps.  Thank you for posting this. God speed, Michelle

[slomedz805]

I thought of you when i was sitting in that truck.. i thought of NA..I thought wow if i cant go see a elderly lady what am I gunna do when i see a homeboy i used to buy dope from.. it really scared me.. im gunna go for it im gunna do it soon im checking into what meetings are around here i know of a few that my mom went too.. I wanna go to those because i hate to say the one by my house is full of young guys court ordered to be there and dont wanna be you see im like my mom ( she was in Na for over 15 years ) i want the knowledge i want the spirituality that NA can offer i dont wanna sit at a table tell war stories bow our heads and say the serenity prayer and say it works if you work it im sorry that is how i feel...

[clean_in_ks]

Good job, Trev, but next time you feeling like getting out and going for a drive.....go to a meeting, ok?  Not to visit a post surgery family/friend....they will ALWAYS have pain meds in the house and at only 9 days clean there is NO WAY we are ready for that mind game.

You previously commented that you were afraid to go to a meeting because you didn't feel worthy.....and were afraid of the commitment.

Getting out to a meeting...checking out which one would be a good fit for you....is the best medicine right now.....nag, nag, nag:):)

[slomedz805]

thanks for the reply vic... I tried my best to let her know to follow ( or take less if you need ) the script.. and she saw the state i was in and I told her i was detoxing off opiates and what it does to your body.. but she is very much a " oh ya ya i got this type of lady ) and i didnt think she was abusing them or taking to much ... thanks for the feedback too i can relate to you when you said " its when she went to get the meth " that would set me off too because its the whole feeling of copping the dope then instant gratification.. much love trev

[VICourageous]

You will be fine..When I had 18 months in my Mom was dieing of Cancer as I had lost 3 others to cancer around the same time..I had already told the Dr & Hospice to put this in a lock box. BUT the other day at around 600 plus days I finally went and seen a friend who I have known for 41 years..She is doing all the meds I came off of plus tapping in the Crank like I did in the 70-80s. I was so upset about the out come of that day that I had done a post about it..It sounds like you just went to check on someone..That was nice of YOU, BUT yes it can cause a Big Bad trigger in our brain just to know they are there..BUT my Friend..just being around her as she is so spun made me nervous and I could see the bad part of using. Like was I like that?? It was when she went to get the Crank/Meth without me knowing, that was NOT GOOD!! I have been in the nursing field for many Years and had to pass out Meds..I have not gone back to that kind of work, but there are many who can return to this.
I think it was nice of you to check in..Also I like to help out people who are so innocent to drugs/meds so they will know what can happen if they build a tolerance up or if they have that so called addictive gene. You might of gave her some good insite on what not to do as far as taking them wrong or two many and what happens when we just stop! You will be fine..Just always keep that Guard Up & be Safe!
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