Can I really do this? 17 and addicted to lortab

[Seekingadvise]

Hey everyone I'm new here and just really needing surport right now. My addiction started almost one year ago. I started taking a half of a 10mg lortab to stop pain well then taking for pain turned into taking for boredom then depression.. Well I only took them sometimes maybe two times a week then around July of last year I started realizing I was wanting them more and when I didn't get them my mood would change. Around october I was starting to take two 10mg lortabs at a time atleast 4 times a week and eventually that two at a time turned into 3 at a time every day! Finally around a month ago I was up to 4 at a time then came this past Thursday night I took my last four and now it's Sunday and I haven't taken anything since Thursday night. My sleep has been bad my mood has been crapy I cried a tiny bit Friday night when I couldn't get any other then that I've been doing" ok" up until about two hours ago I had to break down and tell my girlfriend even tho she is saying its okay I can't stop crying. I can't believe I've done this to myself. I watched my brother my sisters my uncles and my dad ruin their lives over drugs and here I am doing the same. I'm trying to stay away but right now I really want one!! My girlfriend is my only positive person and I feel so bad I've done this to her. I was going great I graduated from high school a year early I was a good person and now this! It's hard to look myself in the mirror. I've spent my last few dollars on these stupid pills I've lied for them many times and now I've hit rock bottom. I just really need some support right now. I'm sorry for making this so long thank you guys for reading any help would be amazing for some reason this is the hardest day on me and I don't know why.. I guess telling my girlfriend stuff I never thought I'd ever hear out of my own mouth got to me. Any advise would be awesome thank you and god bless

[Littlelegs2003]

If it's any consolation, I'm in the same boat. I was up tp 20 solpadols a day & whenever my prescription ran out too early, I'd take from my mom's hydrocodeine stock. Your girlfriend sounds amazing. I've no-one I can really talk to. They all watched me suffer through alcoholism & I just can't bring myself to tell them about another addiction. Like you, I'm now stuck with all these feelings of guilt & depression, not to mention the listlessness, sleeplessness and loss of appetite! I learned from kicking the drink that it does all pass. The temptation will always be there - one way or another - but after you get used to ignoring your cravings a few times, it does get easier. Although - I'm struggling to believe that myself right now! Good luck. Keep posting.

[thebigeasy88]

Hey man...sorry if I missed it in your posts but is your Mom aware that you are using?  If so, I suggest you man up and tell her to lock her pills away.  Trust me, it's too tempting if their in the house.  And you shouldn't feel ashamed asking that...you should feel proud and strong for making that request.

[thebigeasy88]

Absolutely it is...I had ZERO during my usage and zero for a bit after.  Trust me, it comes back with a vengeance!  Tell he to watch out =)  The hardest part is over man...I promise.  Get your @ss to the gym and put in a good workout.  Sweat out that crap and take your anger out on the weights.  It really does help.  I promise it gets soooo much better.  You owe her a lot for sticking with you so make sure you continue to stay clean.  

[Seekingadvise]

Big easy- thanks man! Ive been semi active lifting weights walking its getting easier. My main thing is mental! Man I've never been this moody in my entire life it's crazy! I love my girlfriend very much she's been with me since 2008 I was her first and I'll be her last. As guys we all need that good women to go to you know? Im happy to hear your point of view on things bro I just hope I can grab a hold of my "balls" (manhood) again soon lol. Is it normal to lose sex drive during this? I have had no desire at all since Thursday night not because I'm lazy because I can go on walks and stuff I dont know what it is. Anyways thanks again man

[thebigeasy88]

Congrats bro!!!!  You have DEFINITELY made the right decision.  Keep in mind, these "devil" pills suppress your emotions so you just feel numb.  Once you come off them, those built up emotions will all come out at once.  It's completely normal.  I'm 6'5", 250#s & have lifted weights my entire life...needless to say, I'm a pretty big and strong guy.  I cried like a baby for days.  It actually felt really good if that makes sense.  What helped my to get through the mental part of the WDs was convincing myself that they are so nasty that I couldn't imagine putting this crap into my body.  Convince yourself that just the smell of that bottle of pills will make you puke.  It helps!!!

It's probably hard to even think about physical activity right now but the best thing you can do is start working out; lift weights or get into cardio.  You need a new hobby to replace this "other" hobby you have created for yourself.  For 17 years old, you have made the smartest decision in the world.  Yes, the pills make you feel great but once you are clean for a bit and you get to see the world in a new light, you will NEVER want to go back.  You owe you girl a lot for sticking with you...take her to nice dinner or something as a thank you.  It's time to start enjoying life again.  Throw me a PM if you need to talk.  During my "time", I could easily go through 25 10's a day and not feel a thing.  I know what your feeling.  Keep it going!!!

[minn66]

Seeking, you are too kind. I feel as though I have failed my son, although I never gave him any meds. I wasn't myself. I am so glad you posted again. You remind me so much of my son. I don't know why, but I just sense it. I am proud of you. You show such maturity and strength. I am so glad you have decided to stop and have kept posting. You can do this! I know it.

Please stay in touch and post often.

One of your cheerleaders,

Minn :)

[Seekingadvise]

Thank you guys for all of your support. Sara- you're right about the false feelings it gives you. I was trying to grow up way to fast I guess. Trying to be strong for my mom trying so hard to not fall into the lifestyle I have seen. Trying so hard then I took that first pill and it helped me deal with things it kept me from not feeling it helped me be strong, but honestly I thought it was helping me it really wasn't! It made things worst because now I feel awake again and it's weird because it's like I'm dealing with this stuff all over again plus more but I'd rather feel these things then not feel at all! I will fight this I will not let this control me because we are all in control of our own bodies the drugs can only control us if we can't control them! I want to thank everyone for saying great and uplifting things. I also want to say that whenever I have my moody moments or unbearable moments and I feel the need to lift a pill I just think about how far I've came even tho I'm on day 4 I know I'm better today then I was yesterday. Minn- my mom has a lot of health problems and actually gets prescribed lortabs every month although she doesn't abuse her medication it's still in the house so it does make it difficult that's how I got started one day she gave me half for a headache and that was pretty much it even though the addiction is my fault I can't blame anyone else. I'm sure you are a better mom so don't beat yourself up! God bless everyone

[minn66]

Please, seeking, keep posting and push through this. I am thinking of you sending hugs and support.

Minn

[dominosarah]

Have you thought about talking to someone about all of this?  You have seen alot in your 17 yrs.  I am glad you have a supportive gf.  That will be very helpful.  The pills gave us a false sense of security and then they turn on you.  We need to deal with all the emotional pain we have buried.  Let yourself feel now, it's okay to cry.  You are a good person seeking so dig deep and come out fighting for you, you are worth it~~sara

[Kresaera]

Honey, you are so young and so much to look forward to in your long life. I was on heroin for almost 3 years, any pill I could get before that, some cocaine, adderal, etc. I'm now 8 months clean from drugs, 4 years from heroin. It takes hard work and determination to beat this disease.

I was emotional for a few months after I stopped h. I would cry if the shirt I wanted to wear wasn't clean. We really do have to condition ourselves to a different lifestyle that doesn't involve drugs. No friends that use, even family. You simply can't be around it. Your withdrawal sounds like its mostly emotional, luckily you caught it before it dug its claws too far into you.

You can beat this. You have your gf and this forum as a support system. Find some na or aa meetings in your area and go to them. Take your gf if you want to for moral support. You got this! Good luck and keep posting!

[zoea]

U can do this. U do have so much ahead of u. My my died from alcohol when i was 13. I also said i would never do the same. I never did not with drink anyway.

Believe in yourself. Have total faith.

Be strong and post when u need.

Zoe x

[minn66]

I just want to reach out through the web and hug you. You make me think of my 17 year old son. While there hasn't been quite as much exposure in his life, there has been enough. He knows I have chronic pain and began taking more and more meds because it kept talking more and more for relief. I hope and pray that you can break the cycle. You remind me so much of my son in how you write and articulate. I tell him all the time that I am his biggest cheerleader and he can take any path he chooses. So can you! I am so glad you posted and glad you have a supportive girlfriend. Oh sweetie, you can do this! I want you to go to college and experience life and grow. I was always the "good girl." Everyone is right. The addiction does not define you. Please keep posting and find some sort of aftercare group. And, of course, talk to your girlfriend. I quit cold turkey in November. It was very difficult to do but I did. So have many others. Take it one day, one step, one minute at a time. I am a cheerleader for you, too.

Please keep posting,

Minn

[MikeInFrance]

Seeking....you have an opportunity right now to change your life for the better. Since you stopped last Thursday then you should start feeling better by today...the physical wd's should be going away slowly but surely by now. As you read , the mental is tough but you seem like a really intelligent guy. You know what you want and you know the negative effects drugs can have on you....are having on you...and what it's done to your family. I feel your desire and want to change. That's so important to have! Stay committed to this and keep your attitude positive. It helps , I know!  Talk to us everyday, tell us what's going on  and ask whatever you want or just say how you're feeling.  Keep pushing forward bro!!

[gnarly_1]

HI ......well it sounds like your withdrawals are mild cravings are common when you stop but I think you caught this early enough b/4 it ruined you life as an addict your going to have to change the very way you think and reason you could start buy hitting a few N/A meetings the mental part of this is harder then the physical detox I think your already finding this out keep posting for support and read the other posts become pro/active in your recovery and you will make it out of this good luck and God bless.........Gnarly

[jusme1]

Addiction can happen to anyone with any substance. I was a drug user (and I say drug because I had many addictions) for 8 years and I have now been sober for 3 years. I can't tell you what to do but I can tell you what I did... I realized I had a problem and I wanted to stop. I attended AA and NA meetings and followed the 12 steps. Which I still do. I also changed my people, places, and things. Oh I also went through an outpatient rehab. I also learned to trust my higher power (who I call God). It wasnt easy and there was times that I wanted to give up and use but I kept reminding myself I could live sober. The longer I am sober the easier it gets. There are moments when I think about using but u don't dwell on it. I tell my self no and the thought is gone. I wish u the best of luck. Remember u can do anything you put ur mind to.

[lulu747]

Seeking,
You know what?  You ARE a good person!  Being an addict does not define who you are.  Remember that you can't change the past, can't control the future, all you have is this moment and the choices you make.  Getting clean is about making different choices.  Making choices from love instead of fear.  You have seen the very real outcomes of addiction first had within your family.  Know that you CAN break this cycle within yourself.  Treat yourself with love and compassion. I know at first the shame and guilt are overwhelming, they are also the feelings that can keep us sick and stuck.  Secrecy only compounds the problem.  Ultimately, you deserve to be happy..You deserve love, and you deserve support.  Addiction is a disease that does not discriminate.  You are supported here.

Lu

[Seekingadvise]

Will do this- wow! You're life seems a bit similar to mine! My oldest sister was pretty much on everything/anything! She ended up losing all of her kids I haven't even spoken to her in about a year and I haven't seen her in 4years. I always downed her now I regret it big time! My brother actually got on lortabs around the age of 16 he went into rehab but a week after being out for back on them now he's 22 and is addicted to morphine and most of my uncles are taking Xanax by the handfuls then my cousins the ones who shot up it's crazy but what is even crazier is I'm not really much different. I blamed them and was always" the good kid"  it's hard accepting this it's so weird saying" my name is Ryan and I'm addicted to drugs"

[IwillDoThis]

Seeking - yep it is really "normal" to feel all these things - you've changed the chemical processes in your body so it's just gonna take time to get back.  One of the members posted a really good explanation to this it was either "Minn" or "lilbit" in a prior post -if I can find it I'll send it to you but basically it explained how the brain has synapses and when you take opiates the opiate binds to the synapse rather than your natural endorphins (seratonin, melatonin, dopamine) so when your natural endorphins come to the receptor and they see you've already taken opiates they say "oh, we are not needed here" and they go away.  It takes time for your body to start to produce them again.  But it does happen.  This is why you feel so sad, emotional during detox and why you kind of get that listless feeling even on opiates because they are blunting your ability to feel anything.

It's also a habit, they say it takes 90 days to make or break a habit.  When you start feeling a little better - by day 4 or so get outside, take a short walk, get that blood pumping.

I cried to often, for no reason during those first few weeks.  My emotions just spilled over - let it come.  Crying can be very cleansing. Now at 41 days I find I get emotional over stuff because I am starting to feel again and it takes a while to adjust to your new normal - the way people are supposed to feel.

I also felt the mind screw you feel when you no longer take the pill, I had kind of ritualized taking my pills - it was the first and last thing I did every day.  I had to start to replace that with other things.  I'm doing it but I'm cautious every day - I never want to be back in this place but I'm not foolish enough to believe I don't have to be careful.

My dad was an alcoholic, I watched him kill himself, my sister is a raving addict nowhere near ready to kick her oxy habit, my mother, my ex-husband - I had no end of "examples" of what not to do and I ended up here anyway.  I do have a new appreciation for what my sister struggles with and I was pretty judgmental of her before which I regret.  No one new of my troubles - I am the example in my family, I am the pillar that everyone turns to, I was the success - no one would have ever believed I was addicted to pills.  Crazy stuff kiddo so it happens to many people in many different situations in all walks of life.

Just be patient with yourself - you are in baby stages right now.  I'm actually at 41 days today (I've lost count which is good) and I still have days where I struggle or don't quite feel myself.  I will tell you by day 10 I was feeling much better and you will too.  

I will be vigilant the rest of my life cuz all it will take is to visit a doctor with a legitimate pain issue (which I have) and get back on this crazy treadmill again - I never want to do that.  

Stick with us here and we'll support you through this.

[Seekingadvise]

Wow. All of you are right I do have my whole life ahead of me. My dad was on drugs his whole life and finally his heart stopped from all the drugs. I promised myself after seeing all of this crap happen to my dad and most the people in my family I'd never even touch a pill, but it starts by thinking "okay I'll only take this one" then after that another one comes and another. It eventually got to the point to where I just took them to be in a good mood or to just simply do things I used to love doing. Did you guys feel kind of lost without the drugs during withdrawals? I feel sort of lost like my reactions are a bit slower and I feel as if I'm lost during a conversation.. Also how long will the" moody" feeling last? I hate feeling so emotional I feel like a 13 year old girl lol. And how long will it take to just feel normal again? I'm sorry for all of the questions,but I truly appracate all of the advise. I really have no one to talk to other then my girlfriend, but she doesn't know what it feels like because she's never been an addict. People never know unless they have been there and to "I will do this" 40days sober? That's amazing I hope to say the same in the future thank you guys again

[IwillDoThis]

First of all don't beat yourself up, you are where you are and many of us would never have thought we would end up in this position.  What does matter is that a) you've realized there is an issue and b) you came clean with those closest to you - keeping secrets just keeps you sick.

It sounds like you are starting to detox, especially if you haven't had any since Thursday so it is understandable you feel like dog doo.

I'm 40 days off hydros (I think, ha I'm starting to lose count) and it was the best decision I ever made.  Quitting is easy enough once you get through the worst of the withdrawals but the mental/emotional part of getting out of the habit of popping those pills is much tougher and where many people mess up.  Your mind will give you pain, give you all sorts of reasons as to why you legitimately need that pill - you must put a barrier in between yourself and those pills in the beginning of your clean time to help you succeed and get some time under your belt.

You are so very young and you have your whole life in front of you so I really commend you on making this decision to get clean - pill life is not much of a life at all.  Don't beat youself up, many of us also had family members who were "addicts" and we would have never imagined ourselves in this position - myself included.

Be strong, set your mind to it, put new habits in place of taking that pill - start to do other things when you want that pill.  They say it takes 90 days to create a habit and when we get clean we expect everything to change right away - it takes time so be patient with yourself.

You've confided in your girlfriend so use her to help you through this.  My partner is so very understanding and supportive and that is a really positive thing so use it to your advantage.  So many people come here alone in this with no one to support them.

Understand you've dulled your senses, you've changed your the chemical processes in your brain and it really does take time for all those things to come back but they will.

I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you it will all be fine.  Welcome, welcome and post for support, let us know how you are doing - we will be here.  This forum has so many great and caring people.

It sounds like you have the right attitude and I can't wait to see you posting with a week, two weeks and a month of clean time on this board.  You CAN do it.

[maydecember62]

Aww.... I remember when 5 10's did the job... Short to say 20 at a time didn't do any thing but make me kind of NOT SICK at the end. If you've never been through it, most ppl won't understand. I can tell ya that secrets make you sick, and I'm assuming you might not be getting the support you need because they don't know what you're going through. Tell one of them, if you can trust them, and get someone to relate and help you thru the rough times.

Since your family has been affected by this, you were dealt a dirty hand, as far as the addiction gene goes. I hope you take this a day at a time, a minute at a time, a second at a time, because not caving to the monster in your head saying, "this will make you well again, just do it. You can work on it tomorrow." Your brain will let you justify anything to make you function. Try to shut him up. Take a hot bath, a run, cry.... Whatever it takes to not give in.

Life is not a sprint, it's a marathon. And you want to be there to enjoy it. You have to do the best with the cards you were dealt. Be strong, and know that after the cravings, the withdrawals, and feeling emotional (I cried for no reason for stupid things, like watching Forrest Gump:), that this is another notch on your bed post.

Good luck!

[LostNoMore]

Welcome. My advice is to make the decision to stop using. it sounds like you have everything to live for and you've seen firsthand what drugs can do.
Addiction is a killer disease. You're young, you could avoid so much agony and hell. Think hard about your brothers, sisters, uncles and your father.
Is that what you want? You can take another road. Change your playground
and playmates if necessary, do whatever you have to do to get and stay clean.
Take care and keep posting. If you spend some time here on this forum, you will see that getting clean is possible for anyone.