how do i get started on something that i dont want to end

[RoxyMoron]

I know that I am in deep trouble, and I say every day, today is the day. But it never is. How many more lies do I have in me, how many more deceitful acts am I going to do. Do I need to get caught before it ends? I hope not.  If I get caught, I loose more than my addictions, I loose everything that is important to me.  Funny though it seems the only thing that is important is those little blueberries, why else would I be risking everything. I feel like I am in a seedy low class casino, betting and betting betting and never winning.
How do I make this stop.

This is the most truthful that I can say, I never told anyone, this is my deepest darkest secret;   I don’t want to stop. I know I must, the lies are catching up with me I have lost all my friends because their problems seems so unimportant. And believe me…I don’t look like the typical addict, if there is such an image.
how do i get started on something that i dont want to end.

[nogie1717]

Glad to see you made an important first step.  You know you are controlled and you know you need to stop.

I feel you when you say you don't want to.  When I was active in addiction and even sometimes still today, I would think, "If only I had all the pills I wanted, things would be OK."  I am fortunate to know that things would NOT be ok.

I think the reason you don't want to stop is because it will hurt.  Physically and mentally.  There will be pain, but how much depends on you.  Don't let these pills win.  For me, I would reminisce about my childhood.  No drugs, no worries.  The world was new and exciting and full of meaning.  I can tell you that after you get this $h*t out of your system, you will find a new, exciting, meaningful world.

2 days is awesome.  You are at the midway point of the worst part.  Keep strong by keeping yourself occupied and avoiding relapse at all cost.

[GoingToMakeIt]

    Moron? NO! Needing to quit? YES! Most all here have been there done that! You are no exception. So the good news is if we, being like you, can quit. So can you! It takes a will to do it. Some bad days like a bad case of flu, and some more determination to not use anymore! Quitting is the easy part. Yes, physically it is worse but the mental is what you need to be prepared for. Go to NA meetings. Yes, even now. They have all been there to. Stay around here and post. We will see you through and help you, but you are the one who has to do this. We can't make you do anything.

This Is Doable! Go for it!

[hopsing94]

First off welcome. We understand what your going through and you are not a moron. You are just like us and we come from all walks of life. You are beating yourself up wich is good and bad. You know you need to quit. This is good,now you have to take the next step wich is getting help.

[IBKleen]

It is posts like this that give me the chills. I hear the pain and desperation when you type.

You took a huge step by coming here and posting. I hope you return and let us get to know you.

You are not alone. There are so many wonderful and caring people here who will help you through this.

Be good to yourself.

[enemy48]

Listen to me Roxy.  U don't want to get caught.  U don't want to detox in jail.

U don't want to loose everything.  But it happens.  Don't let this happen to you.

I worry daily that the cops will show up @ my house & arrest me.  I almost got caught, & maybe I am & will still will be arrested.  It's a horrible feeling.

I search the arrest warrents daily to see if I'm hot.  It's scary.  That was enough for me.  Don't want jail, prison, probation.........never did that before & don't want to.

[zzzaaaccckkk]

sorry wasn't done, had to get my little buddy of to school. My doc visit n scripts for Xanax for day n Valium at night cost me$80. So really try to come to term with ur addiction. I hope u know that there is fun n joy in life without those pills.

[zzzaaaccckkk]

everyones advice here has been a great help to me. But mostly just reading the forums made my days of withdraw easier not pain free but easier. I chose to c my family doc on the 4th day. Ivwas honest with him told him my heavy I meen heavy addiction to oxy. He was great I took my iPhone with me and showed him the advice I had recieved here. We set up a nice detox for ten days. Mind I did this with no insurance, cuz my wife just started a newcjob. Yesterday I told to of my best both were floored they had no idea. I now know I could have gone to them before I started detox, but I had my wife. I can do this I woke up today I think its day 6 and I feel great.

[ruby441]

Really, admitting you have a problem is the first step. I too also lived this terrible secret..no one knew & it was awfully lonely. As frightening as it was, the day my partner found was Gods gift to me. There are ways to detox other than cold turkey. Google Detox from Oxycodone & it will give info. on many of them. I am on a drug called suboxone, for me it has been a miracle, I was on 100mg plus of oxycocone. I was lying, stealing, you name it to get the drug, I was in a secret hell. Go to an AA or NA meeting. If you have more ?'s on suboxone, I'll be happy to answer. Good luck!

ruby441

[traveladdict]

If you can't stop on your own and you can't tell anyone then maybe go to a NA meeting and admit to them you have a problem and ask for help.  You will quit one day but only when desire to be free from the demons out weighs the desire to live the lies. You can do it! Just don't wait until you lose it all before you do.

[LQQKThrewU]

If you look around here not many of us look like a "stereotypical" drug addict, like I said yesterday addiction does not care who you are,how educated you and what social circles you travel in.You made the first step admitting you have a problem, now you need to decide what the best route to stop it is for you. It catches up to us all. This stuff is poison to our bodies and it is not a quick recovery. Just know you are not alone and that you have friends here.