Checking In

[needinghelp184]

My cable has been down for a few days , i been getting on the site with my phone but was finding to hard really to use .. :(   I went to my dr yesterday and did NOT come clean.. i feel horrible about it, on a positive i have managed to level out  right here and stay with taper i am now quatering the 30 mg oxy and every other dose am taking out a quater so now im down from 300 mg daily + 100 mg hydro  to 180 mg of oxy daily,  and starting to level off.. I gave my GF my bottle of hydros , she also gets oxy that she doesnt do she was getting it for me.. this month i did not ask for her bottle as i usually do. which causes me to be dependent on her.. it was nice to be able to not have to ask her and i said next month you can tell the doc you dont need the oxy no more seeing how she doesnt use it..  she uses it if she runs out of her script , but that rarely happens.. i know i need to think of myself in this recovery thing . but i also found it funny that I AM getting clean and struggling to save our family and in the end I end up with no family.. I DO LOVE MY GF so much .. i been nagging her a bit into us picking a cold turkey week, she is moody as hell so im backing off for a awhile.... i feel i am making progress overall and that makes me happy, i am wishing this weather we are having (lots of rain) will let up so i can get this painting over with and clear up maybe a few days so i can make a CT  date.  I will get clean please dont give up on me, the more i leveled out the more i realized what i have to do in my situation.. what is best for me and my family. i thank everyone of you that have taken the time to encourage me. I can say where my head is at today from the first day i came here is a better place, thanks to alot of good advice recieved here. and making an effort to take my life back.. the most frustrating thing about this is feeling so helpless and the guilt .  anyone else out there that is thinking of going CT please dont let my excuses be the reason you dont.. please let my excuses be  the ones that make you say i aint going to be that guy!! and get through your wds , you can do it stay strong.. blessings to everyone  

[YesLife4Me]

Good to hear from you.   As you have found, it's easy to say I'm going to quit or go CT, but it's harder than it seems when you are coming off such a large amount.  You are doing great with your taper.   I know for me, going CT was the only way because having ANY pills around, they screamed out for me to just take one.   Can't take pills I don't have now can I?   :)  

[evolv]

oh yeah - I wanted to re-enforce that. when your gf sees you HAPPY AND CLEAN - you will be a shining example and she will want what you have. it's what we all want. you won't even have to talk to her about it. and i think that's a great motivation for you. just lead by example but never preach, you won't have to.

[needinghelp184]

thats great to hear!!! keep it up.  it can be done, takes some time and effort but it is worth it... Aloha

[needinghelp184]

hey Pat  thanks.. i even said i was going CT last saturday, that came and went... It is a little frustrating being stuck here.. but it was it is.. slowing down has been hell thats straight up honest add the bad weather and not being able to get a job done is rough.. i will continue though to keep my faith that i will get through this and will save my family that keeps me going and not breaking.. after reading around the net im getting a better idea of this taper thing and did not realize it was going to take so long..right at the minute my gf is screaming and yelling at the kids. i need to find a corner to prayer for a minute in will be back.. thanks everyone

[evolv]

Hey Man, glad you're back! So great that you are sticking to your taper, your strength is inspiring. I am still at about half as well, I'm starting to feel ok at this level, so I'm hoping to cut down a little bit again soon. Just keep moving forward, all we can do. You're in my thoughts.

[Pat1956100]

Hi
Good to hear from you.  I was getting worried lol.
Sounds like you are doing well and sticking with your taper.
Keep taking it slow and you will know when you are ready to jump.
Again, don't worry about your gf.  You can get clean and then set an example and she may follow.
Just get you clean now.