Hi. I'm new to all of this, as in expressing my thoughts and fears, especially to complete strangers. But here it goes... I am a 35yr old male, and I started taking opiate/pain killers nearly 7yrs ago. I was introduced to them by my on and off again girlfriend. 7yrs ago I was in a band (garage band, nothing huge) but I was happy. I had plenty of music gear, was writing, playing, and as most tell me had a promising road ahead of me in music. I met "Mya" out drinking one night at the local topless bar. We hit it off right away. Within a month we were living together, making good money together, living the rock n roll lifestyle. Bars, partying, etc... then it all started to go downhill...
Mya had been taken these pills before she met me, usually 2-3 a day, and as she would put it - to get through work, and to deal with the bumps and bruises associated with "dancing". One night we were being intimate for hrs, and when I finally began to tire, she suggested i try a pill. I was tired, and my back was killing me, and so i did it. I opened that door, that eventually would grow and take over my life. 7yrs later, I have nothing. I have a broke down truck, with everything i have left that i own, in the truck, consisting mostly of clothes. I've been living wherever I can, mostly from woman to woman, sleeping with them, or on their couches, even ruining marriages... it's horrible. This has been going on basically for 2 yrs, the bouncing around from woman to woman, place to place. Mya is still around, but our addiction runs our lives, and we found that being apart serves each of our own problem better. We both find partners to basically take care of us, so we can focus on our habit. I'm actually writing this from one of the womens laptops. She is an angel, and deserves someone better than me, but that's neither here nor there. And enough of the life story.....
My question: Is it better to cold turkey or to taper off? (burn out or fade away...)
I have been taking any type of opiate, up to 10 - 10s a day, but lately whatever i can manage to get, usually 5-6 a day, and mostly from the street, with an occasional script here and there. I recently was put on supervised probation, and have to attend classes 3xs a week. 8wks ago i tore ligaments in my foot and ankle, so as long as i have a valid script, i get in no trouble. BUT - I'm tired. I'm sick of letting this addiction run EVERY aspect of my life. I feel like an empty shell, even wrote a song about it... I NEED to quit. And I don't scare easily, but quitting this scares the sh!t out of me. Not only the fear of WD's - but life in general, without the pills. SO...
Do I CT it, or taper off? I really don't want to try subox or m-done, knowing my addictive lifestyle. Ive read ALOT of posts on here, and the Thomas recipe sounds promising, but I really don't know what to do. I need your input on this, and any encouragement would be greatly appreciated. I truly admire all of you, from people like me that have enough guts to post on here that they are going to quit, to the people that HAVE quit... please, any suggestions on how, what to do, how long will the WDs last, all of it. I want to know what to expect... Thanks so much.