DAY 7..... DOING OK.....

[Austin2008]

Hi Everyone...... Sorry I have been MIA.... Thankfully not because I slipped back into using Vicodin.... !!!!  I am on Day 7 of my withdrawl and haven't had any opiates in my system since Wednesday, so technically I am on Day 5, does that make sense?  Oh, really what difference does it make in the long run, I am off the Hydrocodone and that is what matters!!!

I must say that for all my fear of withdrawl it wasn't nearly as bad as I expected.... Yes my stomach is a mess but, a little immodium and I can deal with that... Sleep is OK, but, I am taking .25 mg xanax at night to sleep and I think that little bit in my system is helping with the anxiety.... My head is foggy and I am a tiny bit clammy in the hands and feet and my lower legs are sore but, I have been walking at the park daily so that could be from that also...

I have been taking Motrin daily, it helps a lot... I take my vitamins and that is that.... I have been listening to TREMENDOUS amounts of music and everything is inspiring......  I definately don't feel like me and my nerves are up and down but, I really think I will be OK...

Cravings--- Yes they suck and esp. today for some reason.. Maybe because it is a weekend and I am not all that busy.  It is the little things that I used to take Vicodin to do that I miss and want it for.... Stupid things that no one should need a pill for.....making the bed, shaving my legs (sorry boys ..lol) painting my nails.... and cleaing the house.......  But, I make myself do it all because well who wants to be smelly with hairy legs in a messy house with chipped nail polish???????    Also, my sense of humor has returned......

All in all, I am OK, mentally I crave but, I deal, I feel happy, even with my stress level, I feel happy and proud and the withdrawl, other then the stomach problem, it really is OK and if I can do this ANYONE CAN!!!!!!

My biggest hurdle today, and where I need my great friends here is that tonight I am going to my moms for my neices birthday..... My dad has cancer and a virtual pharmacy in the house including Oxycontin (not my DOC) and Percocet....  I could easily sneak upstairs and take a few, but, who other then an addict like me would steal painkillers from their father who is dying of cancer??  I have talked myself in and out of this ALL day and in the end I do not think I will but, I know that will be HARD!!!  My family does not know of my addiction... It is not that I cannot talk to them but, because my father is so sick I can't put anything more on them,  my dad needs my mom and my mom would worry way too much about me even though I am 32 I am still her baby..............

So Please pray for me to be WISE and STRONG and RESPECTFUL and to keep my hands to myself and to go there and get my ars out of there with empty pockets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I promise to do my best and I am sure I will!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will update you all..............

With much love and gratitute!!!!!

Tracy

[Austin2008]

Thank you so much!!!!

OK, so I did fine, NEVER even went into their bathroom and that is where the pain pills are, I did however ask my mom for some Tylenol and Immodium.... She was trying to give me some perscription strength immodium type medicine that they give my dad for his stomach during chemo and I was fighting her like a four year old saying "IT HAS TO BE REALLLLLLLLLL IMMODIUM"  I think she thinks I am loosing it....lol

But, all in all I had a wonderful night, I played with my 4 neices and nephews and layed on the sofa and watched a movie with them and cuddled and smelled their hair and other then the fact that they got into my moms perfume, even the boys, they smelled great and felt great and made me so proud to be clean and gave me the strength to know that know I can fulfill my dreams of having children and not worrying about being pregnant on painkillers..........

Thank you all for responding and giving me the extra kick in the arse I needed!!!

Love,

Tracy

[dominosarah]

Congrats on 7 days!!!!  You are doing great.

Now for the other........your dad needs those pills for a reason.  You dont.  I know the temptation as i too had a father who had cancer.  They need their meds.  The longer you are clean the better you will feel about this.  You need to be clean for yourself and your dad.  Both your parents need you.  Keep your hands to yourself and remember your dad needs them for a reason.  Let us know how it went.

I totally understand the hairy legs and nail polish!!!!!!  I tried to put mascara on early in my wd and looked like gene simmons!!!!!  Tramatic i tell ya!!!!  stay strong        sara

[gizzy32]

well done on getting to day 7. tonight sounds like a test and although i don't know you, i know you will be strong, wise and respectful. imagine the guilt you would feel if you stole his meds, you know it is wrong yet sometimes our brains think like this. cravings are normal and your right, they suck but part of the process. they do get better with time. congrats and happy your feeling better. so what's wrong with being smelly, having hairy legs a messy house and chipped nail polish, haha. stay strong tonight.

aftercare is so important to stay clean, do you have any???