Day 11 complete. Still not "great"

[Back2Me]

Still spiking a lower grade fever here and there. Nerves still raw. But I guess it's getting better and better little be little. Sleep is not great and eating still causes me to fall into a coma and I am still having the bathroom issues. Some of it is my fault i get ravenous hungry then eat too much and that kills my energy. I am taking vitamins and good protein shakes but really not sure it's working. Just thought I would be doing much better at this point. Probably hoping for too much with jumping CT from 160mg+ per day of oxycontin. It's just that I have never had a real fever from detoxing before. I have read that it is a symptom of detox just new to ME and I have done this about 6 times now. I don't know whaTs causing the fever and I can't go to the Doc right now. It's lower grade but still I know it's keeping me down. I am taking tylonol for it but it's just coming and going. I'm really ready to start feeling better. This is kind of discouraging.

[Back2Me]

I'm calling you out on the 3rd!!!!

[tired_of_oxy]

Oh yeah, I'd dropped to 80 for a couple days from 160 but that was too much , I was bouncing off the walls so I went up to 100. Still better then 160 I guess.

[tired_of_oxy]

So glad to hear your doing better! I said it before, your a real inspiration to me. I cut way back on my dose but should have just jumped. The backs of my legs are driving me nuts. RLS crap, I feel like I could chop them off!

Hopefully my body adjusts soon to the lowest dose I've been on in a long time. Figured if I put up with some wd now I'll fare better when I jump. Cranky as hell though, that part I'm trying to take lots of deep breaths and think before I say something nasty to my hubby. Funny how the stupidest things get on your nerves when wding. I just keep telling myself I'll be very happy I did the dose drop when I go ct. Hope so..

[Ballgame]

Do you know Radio? Singer/ guitar player in Vaniety Supercharger?

[Back2Me]

Yeah those were the days :)

Lots of good memories from playing back then. Today is going to be 15 days at 6:00! Man I am eating like a HORSE now! Lol! My apetite had never been this ravenous ever it's crazy. And I eat everything iat a break neck pace like it's the last meal I'll ever have! I was just telling my wife how in the past 6 months we had not gone to ANY of our favorite spots to eat. I totally lost interest in all food and everything. It's was seriously taco bell and burger king like every damn day. Just something to shove it. Now I am hitting all our old favorite places I eat ( which is probably not smart spending the money right now since we have no jobs:). But the hell with it I'm having fun and FUN has been missing for me for waaaaaay too long. Yesterday I sat down and played online xbox with my son and his friends fir hours and this morning also. And me and my wife have been KILLING it on rock band! I bet I can count on one hand how many times I have played online with them the past 8 months. Just lost all of my interests for fun. Now it's like I can't get enough if all the stuff I used to do. I'm still in no way close to being back to 100% with my energy or nerves but it's wAaaY better feeling like myself again. And no cravings at all yet. Which tells me I am still feeling too poooopy. See I only have trouble when I am feeling STRONG. And right now the thought of a pill is nasty. Or maybe I am finally done? Wouldn't THAT be somethig. Have a great holiday everyone! I'll be on lurking everyday.

[faith_hope_love]

Merry Christmas to you and your family Back2!  Hugs, Lyn!  

PS>  That is a trip that you were Eminem's drummer back in the day. I like that song he sings about Detroit..he is not rapping but mainly singing in the song..he has a great voice..can't think of the name of that song.  Anyhow,  you definately have quite a resume..lol.  Take care!

[gnarly_1]

Hey dude glade your starting to turn the corner so to speek you broke a huge habit and and did a good job fighting your way back now plug into some form of aftercare to make this your last time I wish you all the best in your recovery have a clean and sober Christmas.....Gnarly

[Back2Me]

Yeah. 13 seemed to be the magic number. Things are not 100% but way better. Like a
Breakthrough last night it was weird. Going much better now. Every day little by little.

[Ballgame]

Day 13 right? Fever gone and energy up?

[Ballgame]

Day 13 right? Fever gone and energy up?

[ctblues]

Hey bud, checking in...wow what a difference from where we were Dec. 8th. !! We are really doing this. I am proud of both of us. Thanks again for contacting me on day 3, it gave me strength to know I wasn't alone.

"One day ahead forever"
ct

[gnarly_1]

Sound like your coming around....just remember be happy with baby steps from where you where 11 days ago your doing great hang in there and get to a meeting.......Gnarly

[Back2Me]

No more klonopin not since like day 5 or so. Sleep is not too bad with some tylenol pm's. About 6 good hours now. It's really just this damn low fever and some energy issues. Other than that I would be almost 100%. I know I might be in a hurry but man you can't help but be right.

[gnarly_1]

HEY Dude how you holding up  ??? things should slowly be getting better how are you sleeping?? that was the worst part for me it took 2 mo to get my sleep right how are you doing with the energy crash.....if your still taking those clonipine they can really zap the energy out of you to but theres nothing worst then post withdrawal energy crash you just dont have the energy to do a friggin thing when you get a chance post back to me
good luck and God bless.....Gnarly

[Back2Me]

I jumped CT from 160 ballgame and it's been the roughest one yet. Some days I probably took a little more. And that was for about 8 months or so from the last relapse. Oxy is the worse IMO. I had much better luck getting off of percs.

[tired_of_oxy]

Hey Ballgame,

You'd have a ton of support here. I'm not even quit yet but am getting the encouragement and advice I need to get my mind right about my upcoming detox.

Why not give it another shot? 60 hours means you were really close to getting over the hump. Between this forum and maybe getting into NA you'd have lots of support and could take your life back from the pills.

Back2me: can't speak for anyone else but I love Eminem!! My brother actually has a picture of himself with the great one. Were both huge fans and for me I find his music so moving, so real and I literally could play it all day and just be lost in those amazing melodies/lyrics. And he's battled addiction too, plus a ton of other crap. He really is an inspiration and his music indescribably awesome the way it invokes ones feelings. Oddly enough when I left my husband this summer who'd started drinking a lot and being a jerk love the way you lie was all over the radio and I was blown away at how he captured the raw emotions of a dysfunctional relationship. The guy just "gets" it. I think a lot of people can relate to his songs.

Well going to crash now but thanks again back2me and keep on keepin on :)

[Ballgame]

Is 160 considered a lot? I was taking 40 mg x 3 day plus 4 percs from pain dr. And it's let's mr just be able to walk from the pain.  
Glad
You did it. Still amazing it takes 11 days!  That's a long time.  Ice tried ct from dose above and only lasted 60 hours. I have no support so it made it hard.  Every minute felt like an hour.  Night time was the worst since I'd spent all day in bed.  I give you credit and I'm jealous. Real jealous

[Back2Me]

Eminem! My boy!  Man I didnt know if you guys would like him in here. I used to play shows with him way back in the day in Detroit when he was just coming up ( I'm a drummer ). We played tons of shows together and used to jam all the time. Our people used to hang out during shows all the time it was pretty cool. So I really relate to him going through the hell that we all have and he is fighting off of the same demons every day and his music is VERY inspirational to me (listen to "till I collapse, not afraid , and forever with Drake). Three very powerful songs that always lift me up. Sometimes I can't even get out of bed without blasting some of that stuff!  I like kings of Leon, silversun pickups, amberlin, and all kinds of metal. It's got to be loud and moving for me right now. No sad songs for a while. :)

And just as an update I am STILL running that low grade temp. I'm going to give it one week from today if it's not gone I have to get sOme bloodwork done I think. But honestly, even with the fever each day is like a millimeter better than the last. I guess its small steps from here on out.
I'll be watching for you on the 3rd! Man everyone on here has been very cool. We have a nice group on here.  All of you have helped out, even those of you who have not quit yet. And lyn old buddy good hearing from you!  

[tired_of_oxy]

Thank you! Encouragement really helps keep my eye on the big prize - my freedom! My kids are in preschool during the day so that is going to be one big key thing - I will have the daytime to detox and attend meetings. Had NO help last time and it led me back in again. I just couldn't cope all by myself. Nights are going to be rough but I'll make it. My husband and I are separated right now. Although we're working on things and he has promised to be far more supportive this time around. His lack of support last time really  hurt and made me angry. Here I had detoxed the detox from hell, was struggling so bad to stay clean and he almost seemed to try and sabotage my recovery by refusing to be supportive. This time even though we are not living together he's promised to come over every night and help with the kids to make it a little easier on me. I really hope he keeps his word. It will play a big part in my decision whether we will move forward together as a couple working on our relationship and as a family - or if I will be moving on without him. I love him a lot and we've been together for 14 years but I don't want to be with anyone who won't be there for me when I need them most. That being said, from our recent conversations I'm pretty optimistic that he will be there for me.

I'm exactly 2 weeks away from "the day" today. Feeling pretty uggh from cutting my dose in half but thats to be expected. I just figured if I can sustain the drop then it'll make wds that much easier. It has to be easier to jump from 80 mgs then 160 or more right? So I figure some suffering now will be worth it when I make my jump. Lessen the intensity of the wds that much more. Experience has taught me (this will be my 3rd detox in 2 years..3rd times a charm :)) that the wds tend to hit me hard and FAST. I mean most people from what I've read peak at day 3..not me..it's day 2 and then does not let up til day 7 or 8. By day 10 I feel just a little bit human again and then the mental crap peaks and I'm pretty much an emotional basketcase for awhile. I've never made it to 30 days. Just shy of it. I want this time to be it. I don't want to ever have to endure wd again. And God willing, with the help from people here, NA and my dedication to being clean I will never have to do it again.

THANK YOU for your encouragement. It means sooo much to me. This place rocks!! And I totally agree - hard rock/heavy metal is awesome. Very good for the soul. Gets out that frustration. And I love Eminem too!! Like Em says in Lose Yourself- "Success is my only ----- option, failures not!" lol.

[hatethewrongroad]

If I could I would be there front and center and I'd look after your kids for you and get you thru it. because I had that kind of help.  you are so on my mind, I really want you to win this battle!  

[hatethewrongroad]

thank you for telling us ALREADY  some things that are so much better.  Thats the kind of talk that is pulling me through!!    Your wife and you sound awesome as a team....how much closer you'll be even still after going thru something like this together!!

[faith_hope_love]

Hi Back2, that was a great post to tired_of_oxy and tired I am gonna add you to my prayer list. hugs to you!

Back2, you are so right about music, it sounds so different and so much better since I am not numb anymore and can feel everything with intensity..love it.  I love every type of music but for me right now I am listening to alot of a group called Avenged Sevenfold that is loud, hard, blow your eardrums metal music..lol.  I think there is this part of me that is so angry about how pills affect every aspect of your life so for now the louder, harder music is great!   Don't get me wrong, being a southern girl, gotta listen to my country music too. ;-)  Oh and Eminem is good too.

It can only get better with each passing day too, thank God.  And if we have a bad day or a down day, at least it is a normal one just like everyone else and not a medicated one.  Love ya!

PS>  Your an awesome husband and your wife sounds like a sweetheart.  I hope you two have many, many happy years together. Lyn

[tired_of_oxy]

:) Thank you SO MUCH back2me!!

I have two children I love with all my heart and they are my main reason. Of course I'm doing it for ME too but the motivation, determination and courage I need comes from looking into their innocent little faces and knowing I MUST get through it and make sure I'm around for many years to come for them. Plus I want to remember every second of it and on oxy you know how the memory thing goes..it can all end up being very blurry and I don't want that. God has given me two precious children and they deserve a clean mommy. And that's exactly what I intend on giving them.

Your right. I gotta just PUSH! No matter HOW MUCH IT HURTS. Tell myself that no matter what, no matter how bad it gets that it will end and that I will have earned back my freedom. That I will no longer have to have my life revolve around a damn pill. That I can feel better about myself as a mother and not feel guilt eating me day and night knowing I'm a drug addict who's playing russian roulette with my life and risking it all over a ******* pill. Although I'm scared on one hand, on the other I can't WAIT to get my life back again.

I know I'm gonna need a lot of help. I'm going to NA meetings already but come January I'm gonna step it up and hit 90 meetings in 90 days. That's the thing I failed to do last time - aftercare. Thought I was "strong" enough to stay clean after the physical hell but that mistake sent me relapsing. I've learned the hard way (the only way anything gets through my thick skull) and I am going to protect my sobriety and invest in a strong recovery program. Do you go to meetings or have a counsellor?

I'm sorry you and your wife lost your jobs but I read that you were working at a pain mgmt place. (I also replied) And had to agree with those who said it was a blessing in disguise. Your a smart guy and you'll land another job as will your wife. Who, btw, your lucky to have such a supportive partner. And you'll probably land a much better job. Demoting you for taking a few days off sick was a reall ******* thing for them to do and you probably don't want to work for people like that anyways.

I'm so glad to hear how well your doing now and again, YOU ARE SO INSPIRATIONAL TO ME!!! Reading your story helps me to truly BELIEVE that I can do it. That it IS possible to get my life back, my self respect etc. And the sex thing - jeez I haven't done it in I don't know how long!! Sex life is non existent, it's pathetic. And MUSIC, God I have always loved music. Before the pills music was like my drug. I was addicted to the powerful feelings I got from it, the emotions it invoked. And once I got into oxy suddenly music no longer mattered. Nothing mattered but pills. When I did listen to it I didn't get those same feelings because I was too numb and couldn't FEEL anymore. How I want to really feel again!!

In early January when I'm going through it I'll keep your posts in the front of my mind and your words - DOING IT NO MATTER WHAT! I'm sure it's gonna be hell but like you said, its WORTH IT! Thank you Back2Me, you really helped me to put things back in perspective and yes, you can bet I'm coming to find you in January to give me some encouragement when I'm in the midst of helll on earth. Monday January 3rd is when I start my detox. Figure it'll take til the 13th until I feel human again. Gotta pay the piper for the 2 year long oxy party I've had and no doubt it'll be a big bill, lol.How long were you on oxy for? Again THANK YOU for your words of encouragement. I really needed that right now.  

[Back2Me]

And thanks gnarl I guess I need to keep hearing that :)
And yes I am drinking the shakes!