Day 12 CT Norco 10, feeling drained, pained. Help

[Musclesandmascara]

Hello everyone. I hope you all had a good Easter. So it is 1:50 am in CA, so officially day 12, at 3:00 pm. I have had some good physical days, bad physical days. Easter was particularly challenging. Am I expecting too much? My hubby took me for a drive, I went to the pet store to buy my German Shepards toys, by myself. Walked around and almost fainted. I'm sneezing, coughing, achy still, but it comes and goes. Is this normal? I am getting depressed. My hubby keeps being supportive telling me Rome was not built in a day, but should I still have these up and down days physically? I was taking norco 10's about 6-8 a day. I have been faced with someone bringing over norcos thinking they were helping, I was not tempted at all..let them know NEVER to offer me pain meds again. I was feeling so proud of myself, now I feel like day 3 physically. I have the PERFECT ct situation so I feel bad about complaining. Just sad right now.....

[VICourageous]

Nice to see you check in..

So, you are not sure when or where you are going to have some surgery done??
If you do have the surgery, take some pain meds while in the hospital. Plz do not suffer anymore then you have. I really do think you will be OK. Sounds like you are not Addicted at this point and it might not be the case for you..Just be Safe and always keep your Guard Up.

Keep us updated on that Tumor issue..OK?
Bless
Vickie

[Musclesandmascara]

Hello Vickie! I hope everything is going well for you :-). I have received a couple of different opinions. Cedars Sinai, City of Hope, UCSF...all great places. The last ones will be two out of state. I will not have a choice after neurosurgery. The key is to not self medicate. I have always had so many fears about the stronger meds, which is why I rejected them, but I was in A LOT of pain trying to self medicate with norco. Whichever surgeon I pick I will be upfront with, so I only need to stay on something only as long as necessary... I will keep you updated. My head may hurt a bit, but another day without norco is a good day!

[Musclesandmascara]

Thank you muffin75503! Trust me I understand as I have PTSD. I stopped counting days and I just checked and it has almost been a month! I have had serious sleep issues. I have had them since I was a child, but lately I thought I was going to snap! I have not been on here because I have been at hospital after hospital because apparently I am suffering from sleep deprivation...was able to get some sleep all day yesterday. I went to a meeting and everyone was nice... I think I am going to try meetings in other areas. It helps me to hear people with similar experiences...you should definitely go to a meeting and try different ones until you find where you feel the most comfortable...

[gnarly_1]

Hey girl....well the sleep thing almost drove me over the edge I went 2 friggin months with little to no sleep  just hang in there it does get better  im glad your open to the meetings they help me emencely and you should try several b/4 deciding if they are right for you  just know your right on track with progress it takes time to heal a habit.....keep posting for support
................Gnarly...........

[Musclesandmascara]

Hey gnarly! I wanted to check in....sleep has been great, and horrendous, lol. I have just surrendered. If I sleep, I sleep. I am not driving myself nuts over it...headaches are still bad, but that has more to do with my medical issues. If it's really bad, a cold compress and aleve has to do...still shopping around meetings. Have had some weird experiences, but have not given up and I have tons of support which is awesome! I hope you are doing great!

[Musclesandmascara]

Hey gnarly! Thanks for checking on me! As you can see it is 2:31am California time. That answers the sleep thing, lol. I did sleep this weekend! A lot! I think my body just gave out. I think that is why I am up now. I just fear my days will be nights and my nights will be days, sigh.... I am going to a meeting with my mother. Although, she does not agree, and sides with the woman from N/A, she is supporting me because I want to go. Because of the cancer, tumors, I feel like when I say I want to go for support I am not taken seriously because I never took the hard meds from the doctors, because I I only wanted to take the very tip of the edge off , pain wise,with norco 10. My doctors think I am nuts. He thought if he did not give them to me I would take the suggested meds. Look at me! I am hurting, yes. I can take it. If I feel it becomes intolerable I will address it. Gosh, if things were only simpler. I'm way too young for this, but I am happy with my choice!

[muffin75503]

Hi. How did the meeting go? I have also been self medicating for 3 years due to a mental breakdown. Dr's were not able to help me with my depression.  I had a small lump removed,  dr gave me hydro. Wow  there was no depression when I took it.  I can't really say if I was addicted to them. I feel like the woman told you I was dependant on tjem so I could live each day. I'm tired of taking them. This is my 2nd day without on.  Oh my. The mental part and back pain is horrible.  I have no support here. I've been dealing with all this alone. I want to be normal again.  I'm thinking about going to a meeting one day.  Do you think they helped you?  Hang in there

[Musclesandmascara]

Thank you so much! I actually am a Neuropsychologist, go figure, so yes I definitely understand neurotransmitters, synapses...firings, even everything, obviously about my tumor. Because of my tumor and its placement I am not practicing now. I have two tumors actually. One being a glioblastoma, which has a prognosis of two years. I will be traveling to a few different centers for other opinions regarding treatment, which is typically proton therapy. During chemo EVERYONE was on narcotics. Strong ones. I refused. If I wanted to get high I would not have refused fentanyl, morphine,etc. I just wanted the edge off. No one with a glioblastoma takes norcos. I know in my heart I became dependent on them, not addicted. If I was norco is a sore replacement. At any rate, I am in an unusual spot. Not in black or white area, because with the protocol I should be on meds. I CHOOSE not to. I am proud, but I know once I am admitted and in hospital treatment I cannot refuse meds during brain surgery. Like my hubby said, a day at a time. I am choosing my path for my treatment without pain meds and I am great with that!! I am going to a meeting tomorrow with my mom. I am excited!

[gnarly_1]

Hey girl just checking in on you...any sleep yet???  God when I detoxed off methadone it took 2 months to even get crappy sleep I thought I would go mad  you may just have to get by on cat naps for a wile.....did you get to your first N/A meeting yet???  please let us know how that goes....just keep an open mind and realize your disease hasent progressed as much as some of the others that will share  I to got stuck on the pills for years because of 2 herniated disks in my back....for me I took them as prescribed for years  but one morning I was in tearable pain and took 4 on a empty stomach with my morning coffee and WAM I got this warm fuzzy feeling and the euphoria was over whelming  from that day on it was game on..I l crossed the line back into active addiction and used pills for the better part of 10yrs b/4 being put on methadone for another 7....in the end detox was horable and I really thought it would kill me but with help and support on the forum I got threw it....just know with time things will get better your lucky to have caught this early  keep posting for support...............Gnarly..............................

[VICourageous]

I am so sorry to hear about your Brain Tumor. Being that you have one, I am sure you have had many Drs discuss them neurotransmitters and so forth in the Brain.

I am retired from the Health Field and spend many hours studying the map of the brain, medications and addiction.
Addiction & Dependent can run a fine line. Addiction is about what happens in a person's brain when they are exposed to rewarding substances or rewarding behaviors, and it is more about reward circuitry in the brain than it is about external chemicals that "turn on" that reward circuity. Many types of substance interfere with "feel good" brain chemicals known as neurotransmitters.

Only you know why you where on these, and how or why you used them for this or that reason. STILL..it would not hurt to check out a few meetings or get some support. You do have a serious health issues. Maybe you can talk with a natural Dr who can help in a more healthier way.
I am NO DR and I am sure YOU know more about the Brain Tumor and what is going on then I do. Either way I do wish you the best and I sure do Pray you can get some relief when the Tumor is removed.
Bless
Vickie

[Musclesandmascara]

Thank you so much gnarly! I am going to go. She was using the fact that I have a brain tumor and rejected the stronger meds, so I did not have ANYTHING to take the edge off the pain. For gosh sakes, brain tumor, cluster headaches, of course I will always experience pain. I choose to FEEL. Norco may have at one time taken the edge off, then it did nothing, but make me feel horrible! I have never had a drink, never used any drugs besides norco, and it sucked! She said my problems were medical. I even told her I got the pills from my godfather. SMH. My doctor wanted to prescribe the fentanyl,morphine, OxyContin. I said no, so he gave me norco. After a while he said it would no way control my pain, so get on the hard stuff because he was stopping the weak stuff. I refused, hence my godfather giving me his. Like I wrote, I never experienced cravings or euphoria and because of being blessed financially I would be in BIG trouble. I want to be surrounded by those that have been in the trenches. I feel better gnarly, thank you. I will be going to meetings! I know I need aftercare...to stay clean. Now when my tumor is removed, I will deal with it then. Now, it is day by day.

[gnarly_1]

Hi.......well here on the forum those that use aftercare stay clean....I dont agree with her......one thing is your not getting them from your doctor this is classic addictive behavior  we self medicate  as for her knowing you  I doubt that will happen it is a ananomus progam  first name only....as addicts  I feel we open up parts of or brain that God never intended us to open  getting clean is the ez part  opiets have a strong pull on us and over time they will actually create the pain for the reward ....My advise is try N/A.....most of us feel right at home there...you dont even have to speak just go and lissen  with time you will become more comfortable then you can share... all I know is I used a substance abuse counselor for around 3 yrs but never lost the obession to use I figured after 35 yrs of abuse this was the way it was going to be the rest of my life.....N/A has givin me my life back and a amazing one at that.....I have lost the desire to use....something I thought was impossible.....right now you may not feel it tugging at you most of us dont  the memory of detox is fresh and no one wants to go threw that again  but 6mo a year  the obsession can get strong again  without aftercare your sunk....if your heart is telling you to go the follow your heart  I know of no single person that has ever got hurt by the progam......keep posting for support............................Gnarly................................

[Musclesandmascara]

Thank you gnarly! I am hanging in there! Wow am I sleepy! No rest for the wicked, lol. It is to the point my hubby wants me to go to the emergency room. I was diagnosed with severe insomnia so many years before the norco. My doctor prescribed me trazadone the other day and I STILL did not sleep. So done trying. I am big on working out so I take protein shakes everyday and a different one at night. Oh about aftercare?! I called my local N/A and I spoke with a wonderful woman who has been clean for 30 years. She even called me today to check on me and we talked for over 2 hours. The thing is she said I do not need aftercare. Huh? After hearing my entire story, which includes a brain tumor, she said what my doctor said, I am dependent. She said I was self medicating with the norcos since I refused fentanyl. Since I refused pain management treatment because I did not want the strong medicine, that I was just self medicating with the norcos to take the edge off the pain, which is true. I became dependent because I did not want to get sick, and I took more. I was not getting them from my doctor because he said that was too weak for the pain, so my godfather gave me his script every month. So she suggests I work with my doctors on my non narcotic treatment. As I made it clear I do not want morphine, fentanyl...no narcotics, I can live with occasional severe pain. Are her words true? I want to go to NA. I found several meetings and I understand o, cl, men, women, etc. now since I read up. I am wary that if I go to a meeting she may be there and feel like I should not be there. I do not know the rules, just that I WANT TO GO! Thank you so much gnarny if you or anyone can clear this up about after care. Gosh I wish I could sleep!

[Musclesandmascara]

I am so proud of you and your hubby, that is awesome! I'm still groggy. Only an hour a night if I am lucky. My head already feels clearer! Thank you!

[gnarly_1]

P/A ??????????  OR N/A ?????????

[gnarly_1]

Hey girl congrats on day 14 now!!!! your doing great weather you feel like it or not.........im happy to here your  open to aftercare and Na is a great idea...it has been the magic bullet for this old dope fiend....just google N/A and you will find a list of meetings in your area  the formate is the same in all the meetings  it will give you some place to share where the people will understand  the meetings are only a hour long and it will help give you the tools to stay clean....I have been clean a wile now and still hit 3 to 4 a week I also speak at the local rehab here in phoenix for my service commitment twice a month....you may want to try some whey protein powder it is available at walmart for 18 bucks for a 2lb can just 1 scoop to a glass of milk  it will give you the protein for energy and it has a boat load of amino acids to heal your brain the chocolate flavor is good  drink 2 a day  keep posting for support YOU GOT THIS!!!.............Gnarly........................

[mandarn]

I think the gardening is great. Just pulling weeds, you're working and doing something to make your garden beautiful. My husband has been off 20 Norco a day. He's on day 17. Just fell asleep for the first time. It's been hard I actually had to drive him to work and stay with him (he's sekf-employed) , but we made it through the week. This is the first time his eyes have been clear in a long time. Definitely worth it. Can't wait until he gets some energy also.

[Musclesandmascara]

Thank you so much! I am definitely fond of hard work, hence the muscles in my username, lol. That is a great idea. I have a home gym and a gym membership so I am focusing on working out without getting an injury which got me in these mess initially, so I will not overdue it. I also just called my local N/A and talked to a really nice guy who is going to have a woman call me back regarding meetings. I am feeling good right now :-). We have landscapers, but I do have my personal rose garden, so I am going to work on adding new flowers and volunteering at a animal shelter..thank you so much!

[mandarn]

You're winning the battle just by deciding that it's time to quit! Good idea for the vitamins.don't know if it's possible where you live, but hard, physical work that makes you very tired helps get you through the day.

[Musclesandmascara]

Thank you, you are right. I have been taking  them for two years, I cannot beat myself up...one day at a time..about six years ago I took them for almost two years after my first rock climbing injury. I am relatively young, in great shape, I have been a raw vegan for well over a decade. I think that helps. I am going to see if I have a N/A close to me. I admit I nervous. I do not know much about it. Is it all the same? Is that where I should go for pills? With this epidemic I am surprised they do not have a P/A. My doctor told me not to go. He said I was dependent. I do not care. All I know is I did not want to feel withdrawals so I kept taking them instead of stopping when I should have. I NEED aftercare. I am just so glad I wake up and take all my vitamins, not norcos! Thank you so much!

[motye51]

lol....I'd chair a meeting at P/A!!!

[Musclesandmascara]

Thank you so much! I was feeling a lot of anxiety today, but I feel better right now. I took my big boys (dogs) for a drive, made hubby dinner. That is all I had the energy to do. I am going to get on the treadmill or elliptical when hubby comes home. He is worried about me being on machines at home alone, since I am still weak. After a while the pills seemed to take ALL my energy away, so I am looking forward to having my past natural energy! I appreciate you!

[motye51]

EVERYTHING your feeling is totally normal and on point with being day 12.  You have to be o.k. with not being o.k. for a little while.  Don't push yourself too hard and don't expect so much.  It took me weeks to leave the house by myself and I still felt like **** when I did!  
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward.  Someone told me this early in the beginning of my detox....I used daily for almost 15 years and was complaining that after 2 weeks I didn't feel better.  They told me that was completely unrealistic to think that.  You can't abuse your body for long periods of time and then think, POOF...it's all better.  Your husband is right....Rome wasn't built in a day....but it was eventually built!  
Keep your head up and keep moving forwards.  Are you doing any type of aftercare.  Believe it or not, after care does help with physical issues!

[jlannspr]

You are right where you need to be. Take it easy on yourself. You will not be the same person you were on pills and we have to accept that. All the symptoms you mentioned will subside. The energy and mindset you had on the pills was false. You'll gain longer spells of natural energy that feels way better! We have to create a new normal which, for me, consists of not being "superwoman" around the the house, exercise, eating healthy, vitamins, ect.

Look how far you've come! That is something to celebrate today.