There is HOPE and You are all worth it!

[coo19]

I want to let everyone know that this can be beat! I am proof. I was addicted to opiates had smoked pot all my life and tried other drugs. I almost lost everything including my child because of my addiction and depression. I have been clean for 14 months and life has completely changed. It is hard to do this and there is much more work to it than just stopping the physical addiction and unless people around you have been there they will not understand it no matter what you say! You have to get mental and emotional help if you really want to beat this demon! I used methadone to get clean and had counseling at the same time and I only got to a mg level that helped (60mg) and I was off it in 3 months but still after getting clean I had to face all the bad things I had done, the shame and guilt, and face that I had become someone I wasn't. 2 months later I tried to kill myself and almost did. Getting off drugs is hard but let me tell you what's even harder, facing yourself and your emotions. Having to be honest and take a look at the bad stuff is DEPRESSING! I for a short time had to take medications that were not addictive to help me deal but quickly got off those as well. Drugs cover up emotions, good and bad, and facing the bad *****. If you are really ready to change your life you can but do not cut yourself short and do not hide the truth from yourself. Find a counselor that has experience with drugs and depression otherwise you won't fix what caused the problems and what you're going through now. The best person I found in this had actually been an addict so she knew what I was going through. I went from almost being homeless, letting everyone including myself down and losing my child to now being in college getting degree is psychology substance abuse, I have my daughter home with me I have a nice house and a good wonderful man who loves me and will stand by me. Another main key is you have to cut off anyone and everyone who uses or enables your drug addiction even family. I disowned my mother and brother and many friends and lost all my dealers numbers and it was hard to let some of these people go but they weren't good for me and right now you all must be selfish. That sounds horrible to say but it's true. Eventually you can let go of that some and life can be everything you want but you have to do the work and keep working at it. My life isn't perfect I have hard times and many emotions I still deal with but after getting clean you will start to find that a lot of the things that seemed so hard aren't that bad now and you will appreciate your life which makes it so much easier to stay positive. I am here for anyone who really wants to change and I will not beat around the bush with you. I am brutally honest and may not say what you want but you won't get better if you hear only what you want. Don't give up!

[coo19]

Congratulations on 12 days and I hope since you posted that you have now made it even longer! I am glad my story gets through to so many people and I hope everyone realizes this isn't easy, even when you get clean and stay that way there are so many other things to work on. I had to deal with my emotions and right after I finally got that under control and could look forward to my future I found out I had gotten Hepatits C from my brother while we were using together so even a year later I am dealing with consequences to those choices. Fact is though I can't let anything bring me down and I don't. I have several medical problems even before the drugs and god knows they didn't help, in fact made them worse. It's not like I didn't know better, we all do, we all know what we are and what we become on drugs fact is you have to fight for the person you want and not let the person you became define who you are. Its a choice and although many think it's cut and dry black and white they don't understand all the emotion involved at all. People think well you decided to use drugs you can decide not to and they have no clue that what led to drug use was much more than just getting high and what will lead to recovery is facing your demons and fixing the root problems. I can honestly say that within 30 days of being completely clean I had no urge to use again and even though emitionally I was a complete wreck and didnt feel I deserved to be here I still fought to stay clean because it wasn't the craving that would have led me back down that road it was the emitions I didn't want to face but I knew I loved my now fiance' and I knew how important my daughter was to me and at first everything I did was for them and only them and after a few months I started to feel like I was also doing it for me cause I was worth it. You won't feel great about yourself just for getting clean that famage takes time to heal, some wounds cut much deeper than others, the key is to remember this is not forever, life will go on and you will become a much better person in the end just remind yourself you are on a path to having and being everything you want. As I have stated before I am here for anyone who really wants to put the effort in and change. I will not waste my time on anyone who really doesn't try and I know people relapse or hit rock bottom at times those are not the people I will deny but if you can't be honest and can't put the effort in then you are wating your time and mine. You can't help anyone who won't help themselves no matter how hard you try. I learned this the hard way, I spent years trying to change my alcoholic drug addict mother and brother and in the end of it they dragged me down with them. My mother is now 56 and in a nursing home because she's had 3 strokes 2 heart attacks, a quadruple bypass and 2 stents put in her heart because of all the drugs and abuse to her body over the years and my brother has 6 children (2 were adopted by a great family that I am involved in) and the 3 oldest want nothing to do with him and the youngest who is 3 months old has been taken away. He used to have 3 houses, remtal properties, his own business a great wife and 3 children when he started using OxyCotin...Now look at him, he doesn't even have a car, he steals from anyone and everyone to get his drugs, he's lost his wife, his children his business his houses and yet I believed I could fix him and ended up a drug addict myself and he provided the drugs. This is why I have the attitude of if you don't put the effort in I won't waste my time. No One will ever have that power to drag me down again. I have a big heart, I want to use my knowledge and experiences to help people but I will not sacrifice myself or the life I have fought so hard for. I am here and I pray you have continued to stay clean and make all the choices you must in order to stay this way and improve your life. Some of these choices are hard and some you may even feel guilty over but right now it's about you and saving your life, be selfish, it's okay to do what's best for you.

Rachel

[Innerstrength67]

Awesome post!!! Thank you so much for sharing. I can totally relate. My addiction almost destroyed me. I'm 12 days clean and still really struggling with what I have done to myself and my partner. Nothing good will ever come from drug addiction. One day at a time, drugs are no longer an option.
I agree with you in that we need help to beat this. We can't do it alone and I'm not.
I'm so happy for you. You are a true testament that there is a wonderful life after drugs. It's a choice, plain and simple.
Thank you!!!

[coo19]

One thing that can help is GET ANGRY, get angry at the people who enable you get angry at the people in your life that have ever hurt you, even if it means you hate them. Eventually you won't care anymore and that person will have no more power over you. Get angry at yourself and say this isn't me and I won't stand for it. Being mad can really help and its better than being depressed. Reach a point you say to yourself "I won't stand for this crapt anymore and I won't let anyone have the power to hurt me. If they try they are gone" Get a punching bag and beat the hell out it, you'd be amazed how good you feel after you get that out!

[coo19]

Thanks, one thing I can honestly say is I will NEVER go back. My family can even say that now. After going through so much and beating it I have a pride that will never die. I beat the odds and became a much better person and dealt with a lot of unfinished emotional business that I carried around my entire life. Everyone has things that hurt and you have to reach a point that you can close the door on them. It doesn't mean you forget but you can put the pain away and move on. It took a lot to earn my families trust and many times I wanted to give up but I remind myself even to this day that it will get better and I remember where I was and where I am now. Since October last year I can say that many things I used to stress over, especially little stuff no longer seems worth the energy to worry about. I pick my fights and I let things have little effect on me now. It's not easy being strong and it takes work even if you aren't a drug addict. This world is tough and the only way to make it is fight for it. It's much easier to give up than fight for sure but it's not worth the damage it does. If there is one thing that has always been part of me it's that I can be honest even if I know someone might not like what I say and I'm the type of person if you don't like who I am then don't bother coming around me cause NO ONE is going to ever bring me down. I allowed my exhusband to have that power and that's what led to my addiction and I'll be damned if I ever give my power away like that again. It doesn't mean I can't trust, I have a wonderful man now that I trust with my life, it wasn't easy at first but I eventually found the one person in my life I could count on and that's rare to find. But fact is even if you don't have anyone, which I've been there all my life until now, you have to know yourself and be positive even when it seems impossible! Life's only good if you make it that way and you have to believe you deserve it. I do wish everyone the best of luck and I want everyone to know that the work is worth it and life can be so much more but I'm a realist and know it's not easy especially forgiving yourself. To this day I still struggle to do that and it may always be there but I remind myself I'm a much better person now and I don't have to live with that coud over me forever. The hardest thing I did in the beginning was looking myself in the eyes in a mirror and facing what I became then I took the steps to fix those feelings. Life doesn't have to be this way and each of us is worth the effort. Be strong and find things to be positive on instead of all the bad. It's easy to get lost. When life hands you lemons make lemonade!

[gnarly_1]

HI and welcome to the forum congrats on 14mo thats ausum and it sound like you got your recovery on track and will stay that way.....EVERYONE  KNOW TRUER WORDS HAVE EVER BEN SPOKEN IN THIS FORUM CUDOS TO YOU I wish you all the best may God bless your family abundantly ....Gnarly