Day 2, in WD, won't go back

[Cassie415]

Hi everyone, I am trying again to stop using oxycontin. For some people who have seen me say this a million times I know you might be sick of me or think I am not actually going to do it, but all I can say is i'm trying again. I am really determined to do this. I am going to get sober this time and make it out on the other side and finally experience life clean. I am going to find new ways to find happiness, because I know oxycontin is just filling some kind of void and it is just artificial happiness that leaves me sick and deathly feeling. I have found a volunteer program that works with kids here, which is what I love to do, and so I am joining it. I'm going to find new ways to fill my time and new things to be interested and passionate about. I want to be clean and happy for these holidays and spend them with my family and not be on drugs. I am not going to waste away anymore and barely live my life. I just want to feel real happiness in myself and my life. Today is day 2, I am very sick, but making myself get up and walk to school has helped. Thank you everyone that constantly helps me and doesn't give up, it means so much. So here goes, i'm trying again.

[KirstenHere]

Was just talking about you! Was starting to worry!! So GLAD to hear from you. I'm going to send you a quick Email now. :-)

[KirstenHere]

Oh yea, I'm still winning...you better run fast to catch up with me. LoL! Ohhh so have to have humor or you will go INSANE! I think it's funny...sorry if no one else does. :-)

[Cassie415]

haha I am trying to catch up. I am staying home tonight, I can hear everyone partying next door. It's so hard, but I am trying to stay focused and remind myself why i'm doing this.

[Cassie415]

Ugh this is so hard, nextdoor my neighbors are partying, in here my roommates are taking diluadid. I can't seem to get away from this no matter where I go. Every second is like a test, but nobody even knows its a test for me. Taking diluadid would be like the same as taking oc right? ( i mean i think i no the answer) but just to be sure, it would just send me back to where Iwas right?

[bmdad]

It sure would! Any opiate is going to drag things out. I'm telling you, when us addicts are in the process of getting clean someone upstairs knows and tests us to our limits! If it's not one thing it's another. All this is gonna do is make you stronger mentally knowing that you can say no. You did say no, right?!! I'm sure you did as you questioned your question. Keep going strong Cassie! Another day is just about over!
Brian

[Cassie415]

yeah i said no, but everytime it is brought up or around me i just get so much anxiety and it launches my head into thinking about it again. tonight is rough, ive been throwing up and cold and then hot then cold, my body hurts, it just *****. but im going to try to sleep, i have a little trazadone to take. I really need to sleep because i cant keep missing school, i am so behind and ive got midterms next week.