Day 2

[Kelseago]

Well, I haven't posted in a while and you can probably guess why.  I'm back at day 2.  I had a bit of a relapse, Friday-Sunday.  My husband had a cyst removed and was put on hydros.  I took one everyday this weekend and drank.  I regret it immensely.  I pray this is it.  That wasn't even my DOC, I don't know what I was thinking.

[jrizzy303]

Hey atleast realized you dont have to go back to every day. My counslor says a lapse doesnt have to be a relapse. The difference is that lapse you slip up but able to bounce back from it. A relapse is starting to take them everyday.  You need to think back to those thoughts. Thoughts become feelings and feelings become behavior. In these situations you have to pounce on that thought. By saying something to your husband next time like dont leave those out I will take them. And I know its easier said then done. But now it is a learnig experience and yeah thats a big trigger for all us pain pills addicts. Keep moving forward. Congrats on not going and getting more and stopping that action.

[ImDONENoMore]

I believe that's what we are all doing - learning from our mistakes so we can do better next time.  And that lesson applies to just plain old life too - so you ARE stronger now Kels.   And you WILL do better.  :)

[Kelseago]

Thanks guys.  I'mdone, I definitely know some triggers now.  The thing with my husband ended up him just trying to bottle his pain from his golfball size cyst that he hadto endure.  Him not wanting me to worry, of course it backfires.  He said he wasjustin so much pain, he was very short and snippy with me.  It's better now.  I hope it stays that way.  I will keep up with my aftercare

[swflafun]

Hey Kels - Glad your girls B-day was great. I know you were concerend about that. The guilt? Well, that's always a little funny, huh? Who would be guilty while using? Only afterwards does that happen. You had a setback, you just make it right. You can do this.

[ImDONENoMore]

Look at it this way Kels - you learned a lot from your last quit and you'll be able to prepare yourself for those downfalls this time around.  The pressure you put on yourself for your daughter's bday, well, you'll know not to do that again - that it's a trigger.  Or the pressure you put on yourself because you thought your hubby wasn't being supportive, well you'll know what to expect this time and now it's no longer a trigger.  It's the unexpected stuff that causes relapse, so learn from those mistakes for this time around.  As long as you take those lessons to heart, you'll be all that much stronger for this time.

It will get better - you have to have FAITH, and sara is right, aftercare is SO important so you know that now better than ever right?  This is a fresh start girl and YOU CAN DO THIS!  :)

[dominosarah]

I dont look forward to b-days anymore!!  The numbers are getting way to many!!

Be good to yourself today.  I am heading to work and it is -33 below~~

[Kelseago]

Thanks Sarah , me too.  She said it was her best ever. Just made my day.  :)

[dominosarah]

Yep, it is time to start again and you can do it.  Believe in yourself Kels and make you the No1 priority........

Im glad your daughter had a good b-day!!

[Kelseago]

I know they're not, I was never a pain med tKer before.  I couldn't go to my meeting thurs-sat, canceled due to weather.  Idk if that would of made difference, too late now.  Just time to start again

[dominosarah]

The guilt is something that you have to work thru,  Pain meds arent for calming your nerves.  That is why we talk so much about recovery care here.  You caught yourself early and stopped and that is great.  Now we make a fresh start again.......sara

[Kelseago]

Gary- there hasn't been any WDs but you're right about the guilt.  I started it just to calm my nerves for the company that was coming for my daughter's bday.  Her bday was a great day for her. :) I felt no guilt because she enjoyed her say so much.  No guilt until the next day

[Kelseago]

Well my husband isn't leaving them out anymore.  He said he doesn't know why he did in the first place.  But like me he assumed since it wasn't my DOC that I wouldn't touch em.  I'll start my meetings again.  I need to change how my mind works.  I have to say that I've had some of the best sleep though

[swflafun]

Kelseago - Sorry to hear that. Sounds like a mini-bender, unfortunatley, we can't even have minis anymore. :( Stick to day two, three then 10 and 20 are just around the corner. Don't think you'll have any WDs, just a tad bit of guilt. We all have done it, don't beat yourself up too bad, just concentrate on today.
Gary

[dominosarah]

You let the addict part do the thinking.  So what are you going to do to make sure this doesnt happen again?