Day 4 and I failed AGAIN!!!

[jmrcan1516]

I'm just wondering now if I should go to a 28 day rehab or if I should just keep trying on my own. I really didn't have bad physical wd's, it's more my brain and the nonstop thinking that I'm having the hardest time with. I had a nervous breakdown 1 1/2 years ago, doc finally found the right combo of antidepressant and anti anxiety, but I have just been feeling so sad lately, like a complete and utter failure, I thought getting more pills again would help me not feel so damn sad, but I still do and now I feel even more guilt!!!! I just don't know what to do anymore:( I'm not even sure I can go to a rehab with no health insurance. I took 10 7.5 hydros  today, but I know that with only 4 days clean, it'll be right back up to around 20 by tomorrow. Does anybody have any advice or words of encouragement? If I keep doing this to myself, my marriage will be over, and I can't stand the thought of that. You would think that would be enough to make me quit completely, so why can't I???

[dominosarah]

http://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/564106/POWERFULLetter-to-me-from-my-AddictionNever-Forget

Please read this journal entry~

[Free2agoodhome]

Welcome.... you'll be fine....keep posting... keep coming back till you get it right....thats all

You're not a failure.....the only direction now is toward recovery... head that way ...

Unfortunately to your question...no........... loss of job , marriage, health...are good "reasons" people stop taking the drug of choice, but it does not equal recovery.........because it's outside yourself... not in your control,..

Right now it HAS to be you first....the other stuff will works itself out once  you're healthy again,,,

Im here for good " reasons"  myself...but I found that aftercare of any kind is helpful to me,,,,it is my thinking that got me here...  

I have to always be working one me ,,the man I used to be will have a hard time emerging because I work at being far far from that guy and everythng else that went with that life..

No bible thumper here....but maybe prayer or something similar this time around if you aren't already...not for everybody but  it worked for me....

the decision is yours to make alone....

but....
after that..... we're with ya every step if you want to try again,,,,.

rootin for ya

Free~

[candy_17]

Do you have a desire to stop using? You said the physical withdrawls weren't bad and that you're on a antidepressant and anxiety medicine that works well, you also mentioned you could lose your marriage if you didn't stop. Question is do you want to stop?

[UnsureMS]

Hi, it sounds like you know what to do, and honestly what you have to do. So yes I think you need to find a support system. Think of your marriage and be strong for that reason if not any other. If you can't get in rehab there are plenty other groups/organizations that can help you. Just research in your area. There are probably a few churches that are willing to help. And maybe even some other groups.

Also, talk to your partner about your fears and concerns. They are sometimes the best support and encouragement that you can find. While I am not suffering from addiction, I have been sick for a while, and I don't know what I would have done without my husband. Life is to short to live with guilt and regret. It sounds like you know you would regret losing your partner.

So, stop yourself from losing them get help for yourself, because going it alone is hard. Trust your heart you seem to know exactly what you need to do. I will be praying for you may God be with you, and help you in your journey. I also will pray for your marriage.