Addicted to perks! Need help ASAP!

[fresh_start]

Hi Everyone,

this is my 1st time here, and I need help ASAP! I am addicted to perks. I take about 10-15 a day. They have 5mg of oxycontin, and I get them off the street. I started taking them when I was studying for an exam at college, and my friend told me to try it cause it would help me study. I have 2 small children and my life is very hectic. They made me feel like I could handle anything and I was always in such an amazing mood. I pay 5$ a pill, and have wasted thousands on them so far. I have been taking them for about 10 months now, and have lost all control. I go into a panic if I don;t have them...and I am in soooooooo much pain when I wake up in the monring and don't have them. My whole body aches and I can't do anything until I pop two with my coffee. I want to talk to my doctor and tell him whats going on, and maybe he can arrange a "get sober" plan for me. You knwo gradually slow my dose and give me somethng to help me sleep at night. I live in Toronto, Canada, and was wondering if he would call childrens services on me? I am married and my husband doesnt suspect anything. My children are well taken care of, and we live a very comfortable life. No-one would ever suspect anything....but now I have lost control completely. PLEASE HELP ME!

[gnarly_1]

HI it is possible to taper off of them it spreads the withdrawal over a longer period but its not as sever the ketch is it takes lots of discipline I have herd of people using envelopes you just put 1 less pill in every 3 days now im not a doctor but this will work the trick is not to cheat because your feeling dope sick you cant yo/yo your dose up and down you got to stick with the taper for it to work its best if someone else holds the pills if not try the envelope system keep posting for support....I tapered off 150mg of methadone it took 8 1/2mo to do it so I can assure you it is doable its not ez but it is doable good luck and God bless.....Gnarly    

[fresh_start]

I've always wanted to know why they give me headaches? Also, let's say I wanted to instead of quitting cold turkey...which is impossible for me, just cutting down little by little everyday...how would I approach that? Does it really work to the point where eventually I wouldn't need them anymore?

[eyeofhorus2010]

The hardest part of being an addict wanting to get clean is that we feel as though we need to do it on our own. We got into this mess on our own so we need to get out of it on our own. That never works.

You say your husband wouldn't understand so you can't go to him, how understanding is he going to be if he finds out anyway and it didn't come from you? Betrayed, lied to, decieved?  He loves you right? For richer or poor, in sickness or health. I bet he would be crushed to find out that you're suffering alone with this. Non addicts don't understand what we go through, you're right about that, but those that do love us want to help us anyway, even if they can't understand why you can't just say "no" and use will power alone.

You don't like who you are without them? You're gonna like yourself even less when your usage has doubled and then eventually doubles again. It's progressive, you will never be able to maintain at a predetermined dose. Eventually the 10 to 15 per day will start make you feel as though you took none. Then you're up to taking 15 to 20 per day to get that edge of energy and good feelings and then that won't do anymore either.

They say our secrets keep us sick and it's true. I've tried plenty of times to get clean on my own and have failed each and every time. I could withdrawal just fine (yeah, it's bad) but afterward is when the real challenge begins. In the weeks following detox your brain and your addiction will have several arguments a day about whether you should or should not use again. The addiction will win that argument every time. Unless you have some one or somewhere you can turn to to help you with those arguments (cravings) you'll fall into and endless cycle.

You know your own situation better than anyone but I strongley advise that you start with your husband and then the two of you go to your doctor with a game plan. You deserve a better life than what you are giving yourself being addicted to pain killers.
Reaching out here is a great first step. Acknowledging your problem to yourself is huge. Now, take the next step and start healing yourself. If you go to your doctor first he or she will tell you that you really need to share this with your husband. Getting out of the gate is so hard, but when you do you'll feel so much relief from not carrying this burden alone anylonger.
You want to do this, and you can do this. Good luck to you

[fresh_start]

Thank you so much for replying to my post so quickly. I need all of you so much right now. I think not until I have a plan in place with my doctor and sruff will I be able to speak to my husband about anything. He is old school European and he wouldn't understand. I feel so alone...I used to take the perks to keep me from being so tired and not having energy for my kids...and now I take them to feel normal. I can't do anything without them. When I am running low and my dealer doesnt have, I feel so depressed and worthless. I don't like who I am without them.

[gnarly_1]

HI welcome to the forum well your kinda in  a tuff spot I believe honesty is the best policy in marriage so the first thing I would do is tell your husband this will take some of the weight of this off you and his support will be huge....as for scoring them on the street it a hard call her in arizona cps gets involved even with weed thay dont take the kids but they do make sure you stop and get consoling and generally make them selfs a P.I.T.A if you go to your doctor he might be sympathetic and work out a taper plan for you or he may suggest sub or methadone dont use those options ....we do home detoxes here every day read some of the other posts when your ready we can walk you threw one this is something you can take care of from home it will require some help from your hubby with the kids but it is totally doable
keep posting for support good luck and God bless.....Gnarly  

[dominosarah]

I would talk with your doctor and explain what is going on.  I dont think anyone would take your kids away so try to not worry about that.  Focus on getting off the meds.  Is there anyway you could talk with your husband and tell him what is going on?          sara